new phases: I am trying God I am.

"When it's difficult to endure,

you can endure it.

When it's impossible to do,

you can achieve it."

-Li Hongzhi

i havent the heart for the usual flow of flowery prose

i am so confused.

a beguiling walk for clarity

the world is just as it was before

the waters run

the leaves fall where they may

the rain nourishes

the birds fly

as the deer pass on by

unimpressed by a tearful me

how can life go on so smoothly?

how can everything be so normal?

when it's not

not at all

maybe this will be the week..

praying

for something

that i have yet to discover

praying

that the story will unravel

with a little less heartache

than what i'm used to

praying

for unattainable peace

and abated disappointment

with the familial unit

praying

for the courage

to make difficult decisions

to take unfavorable outcomes in stride

to be more than who i want to be

but someone they can accept too

not inured..

...Read more

waiting for the leaves to grow in wintertime

patience.

i give up too.

the coldness you showed me

must have developed

over time

i guess i hadn't noticed

you slipping away

you were completely right.

it was me.

i did want more

and i was wrong

to try and force something

that can't be forced

i was stupid

it took your harsh words to make me

see that

but i guess sometimes

when you finally find someone

you really like

you can't help yourself

i'm sorry but you...Read more

transparency.

i'm standing right in front of you

but it won't be for long

my life will take over

as it always does

and then you'll realize

what you could have had

by just reaching forward

but just like the sad songs preach

it'll be too late

always too late

one can only turn away so many times before it starts taking its toll..

you make me want to

not care.

just like you.

a mounting pile of semi-ignored self-reminders resulting from my recent uncontrollable adieu from all sense and reason

i will not be distracted.

i will pass this moral test.

my happiness is an independent entity

just like it always was..

happiness isn't everything.

enough lamenting about past mistakes

i just have to make sure i can do better now

and continue improving in the future

expectations should be reserved for myself

compassion for others.

LET GO.

being hurt by...Read more

forbearance: the final vocalization

you taught me

that i was

someone amazing divine

i thought dreams

were noble

but i was the one that was blind

exodus

mimicry

led me to the ends of the earth

absconding

yet lonely

denying original worth

the ashes

are scattered

and i cannot manage to fly

don't leave me

agnostic

awake and asleep paralyzed

all that i had wanted to say

i will relinquish because i

will...Read more