On Being Inked the F@#$ Up

Someone asked me to take pictures of all my tattoos and explain them.Someone elsemay not believe that explanation, but what can I do?

 I'll try to explain them as best I can...

1 - First tattoo: Seattle, WA, July 1990. Right shoulder. I found a $50 bill on the floor of an IHOP. It commemorates my commitment to something. The commitment turned 20 this year.2 - I got it o...Read more

What Could Make a Freight Train Take a Dirt Road?

This:

I have no earthly idea why people think this woman has any talent, much less musical merit. And why on earth anyone would think she is pretty is beyond me.

 The Janis Joplin of her generation; another poor copyist whose only redeeming value is her willingness to air her literal and figurative dirty laundry all over the tabloids.

This face co...Read more

It's Stupid at the Top II

Rather than leave an oversized (!) comment, I thought I'd respond here. Besides, that way I can use pictures to illustrate my points!

I am very happy when people laugh at my writing (and by extension at me). I usually write this stuff to entertain people; I always say that if my foibles entertain others, then they are worth the bother.

I don't know if HK people feel honored. They look shocked.

The person that took this picture for me wanted a picture with Shawn too. I have learned to simply say &...Read more

It's Stupid at the Top

No, the air is not cold up here.

No, I don't rent out my size 13 (US, HK 47.5) shoes as boats.

Yes, people behind me at movies docomplain.

Ever notice how some songs, or commercials, just seem to be everywhere and inescapable, and drive you frigging batsh*t?

That's how I feel about jokes about being a larger than average person.

And if I don't laugh at these (or similar) jokes, it's because I have heard them too many times in my life. They may sincerely be new and funny to y...Read more

UPDATED: Love and Regret

According to an old movie (Love Story), love means never having to say you're sorry.

So does that mean the next time I need to apologize, I can just say "I love you" instead?

I better take down that disparaging post about Michael Wong...

UPDATE:

I should have been clearer. I was not talking about relationships here. I meant at work or in other non-relationship ways. You know, like this:

Boss: Johnson, you screwed up that order. Now Buffalo has no gaskets.

Johnson: I love y...Read more

Shu Qi is a Lousy Actress

Don't worry, I don't really mean that.

I'm not saying she's a great actress, but it is necessary for me to make disparaging remarks at her expense.

Because two days ago in my blog I did the same thing to Michael Wong. I made a joke at his expense (though the photo IS strange), and it was even a mildly inappropriate joke.

Why is this important?

Because today when I walked into the Tom Lee in Wanchai, guess who was in there?

Michael Wong.

I introduced myself and chatted...Read more

Someone Needs a Girlfriend

5 reasons:

1. "I swear too f@#$ing much..."

I actually thought that to myself once, said it in my mind's voice. I was walking down the street and realized I was indulging in highly profane intra-personal communication, thinking about all the sh*t I had to do and the f@#$ing errands and that stupid motherf@#$er who needs that thing, and...

That's when I thought to myself "I swear too f@#$ing much..." I stopped in my tracks, because it was so funny and so true.

I...Read more

I Don't Care How Much I Exercise...

I'll never look like this.

That's Rick, my chiropractor and good friend, and his wife Gigi.

He's also the person I go to the gym with. He's a very patient and inspirational gym partner. But it does also imbue me with a sense of futility. I'll never look like that, and not just because I'm not Chinese...

But I do feel really lucky to be exe...Read more

Men, Women, Sex, and... Shoes

Women think about

shoes the way men think about sex. 

Women love to have lots of different shoes.

A woman can never have enough shoes.

A woman always remembers her first pair of shoes.

Women would own one of each kind of shoe in the world if they could.

Foreign shoes are sexy.

Sometimes women get the same shoe in different colors.

Never wear club shoes to church.

Women remember shoes from twenty years ago and miss them.

It’s great to find ...Read more

"Lucky Foreign National"

I really enjoy learning Cantonese. It's hard, but I struggle to learn so that I understand people better.

Just recently, I was kind of confused about a phrase, but I was really proud of myself for figuring it out. I always tell people how lucky I feel to live here, and it's blatantly obvious that I am not from here.

My friends (and lots of others) seem to like to remind me of that, because they're always saying " 福僑

" to me.