No They F@#$ing Won’t

I’ll wager one of my own testes that maybe one person on this poster even knows who Black Sabbath is, let alone gets the reference.

I’ll wager the other nut thatnone of them willplay any  Black Sabbath at this show either.

I’m tempted to shell out the $ and go just for the goof/comedic value.

I suppose that on some level that just sounds like typical arrogant Westerner condescension, and on some level it is.

Because I guarantee you that almost none of the people truly qualified to be on this poster, or playing this gig, will ever get near it for one reason or another.

Danny Chan Bak Keung can’t play because he’s dead.

But he deserves to.

Because he died not only from, but for some of the things that rock and roll can and does mean to people; being different and being made to suffer for it.

Leslie Cheung died for a lot of the same reasons, and therefore deserves to be here.

There’s a guy who plays on Sai Yeung Choi St. at night, and I’ve heard from numerous people that he used to be a pretty successful musician in the 1970s before his heroin addiction made him throw it all away.

Hesold his soul to rock and roll.

His life is now a purgatory that will only end with his death. But during this concert, he’ll be in front of Broadway, not in front of this audience.

I’ve worked with, and for people who sold their soul to rock and roll, and I’m insulted by this cheap, transparent attempt to appropriate the idea.

The drummer in my first band died a couple years ago in a DUI.

The band’s soundman died homeless.

In his 30s.

Some of my best friends are people who nearly died because of rock and roll but managed to live through it.

Imagine being so caught up in the rock and roll lifestyle that you make a member of Motley Cruelook healthy:

“This p*ssy thinks he can do a lot of blow.”

Yeah. These are the people I’m talking about.

These are my friends.

They sold their soul and God was kind enough to give it back.

Most of the time anyway.

So thank God they (we) lived to tell about it.

But I’ll be Goddamned if you think you can just waltz into our world and anoint yourself rock and roll.

It takes a little more than that, you twit.

Does suffering convey legitimacy? Not necessarily, no. But it goes a whole lot further towards that point than simply declaring yourself edgy and ‘rock and roll.’

Dressing the part doesn’t mean you become the part. Saying you’re rock and roll doesn’t make you rock and roll.

It just makes you a douchebag.

And looking at that poster, I am as amused as I am shocked by the smattering of singers who appear, frankly, downright sexagenarian.

And then there’s Soler.

My motheris more rock and roll than Soler.

And she has a bigger mustache.

The only person on that poster I can actually tolerate is a young female singer named Jack Dai.

She was very popular on ATV’s singing competition program, and I have actually met her and played with her at a Sharon Lee concert last year.

I was shocked because she kept telling me to play louder.

And I was playing as loud as Jesusalready.

Jack’s voice is remarkable, because it has actual strength and presence. It’s huge.

When she sings a rock song, it sounds like its supposedto.

As opposed to, oh I don’t know, Fiona S(h)it.

Here she is singing the Kary/Hardpack song 耳王十四一心. It’s a great example of what I mean.

I’m in the video for about 3 seconds.

That’s why their called fan videos. I had no fans at this show.

I still have none.

Besides, I can’t play guitar anywhere near as well as she can sing.

She’s going to be the best part of this ‘Rock’ show.

But Jack deserves her place for other reasons as well.

Jack’s a bit of a tomboy, which I mean in the American sense of not being traditionally feminine.

In the Hong Kong sense, tomboy is a codeword for lesbian.

I don’t know if that’s the case, and I don’t really care.

Well, maybe a little.

But the fact that this young woman has short hair and doesn’t feel like playing the lilting ingenue that Cantopop is so full to bursting with is, to me refreshing.

Unfortunately, its also likely to impede her career, since people here seem uninterested in anything that breaks their precious little mold.

Which is a pretty sad and stupid tack to take, because this woman’s voice and talent are very, very striking.

Just not in the usual saccharine Cantopop way.

Considering she’s spent a lot of time outside HK, and is in many ways Westernized, its inevitable. But no less invigorating.

She’s as smart and perceptive as she is talented, and I hope to God she makes it. The local music industry needs people who are creative as well as independent.

The next version of Twins Redux I see is going to get a lawn dart in the forehead.

It’s no surprise to readers of this blog that I personally actually prefer tomboys (of either definition) over prissy missys.

So I was very happy to work with Jack.

Because I got to look at her.

That 3 seconds of me in the video is, oddly enough, one of the most memorable moments of that show for me. Because Jack walked over to me, and I looked at her, and a voice in my head said very clearly “If you don’t look away from her nowyou will lose your place and look like an@ss in front of all these people.”

I looked away.

And regretted it ever since.