We come now to the heart of the matter, the meat of the thing: the neck for this guitar.

I needed raw materials: a truss rod, a fretboard, and a neck blank.

Thanks to Warmoth and Stewart McDonald, I got them.

SEC template (top), Warmoth angled headstock neck blank (center), Stew Mac 12″radius rosewood fretboard (bottom)

I ordered a truss rod from Stewart McDonald too:

As I have already shown, there are several factors/problems that are interrelated in building this neck.

Three measurements/dimensions are important, and two of them are critical.

The least important is scale length; making sure the distance from the bridge to the nut is (in this case) 25.5 inches. This is not an absolute measurement, because bridges can be adjusted to make intonation more accurate.

This means I have to be sure to be very careful with the placement of the neck and fretboard, because this guitar will have an angled headstock.

Straight headstock (top), angled headstock (bottom)

For this particular guitar, the Floyd Rose nut should fit flush to the ‘break point’ in the neck. It has to be completely on the flat surface or it won’t work properly.

I looked for photos that might help me understand and verify the placement of the fretboard on the neck. Luckily, I found some.

This photo shows the 22nd fret placement. That’s a very helpful piece of information.

I checked and re-checked and checked again, and eventually I decided where it would go: 

The second critical measurement (that in the case of the SEC is tied to the third) is the centerline of the neck.

If your neck is off center, it’s useless. At best, the strings won’t line up properly and the guitar won’t stay in tune. In the worst case (or with the SEC), you won’t even be able to put the neck on the guitar!

The third measurement or specification is the 4″ SEC radius. The radius is the easy part. The hard part is making sure the radius’s relation to the centerline is correct. That’s crucial.

When I made the SEC template, I managed to create an exact negative of the SEC cutout for this guitar. What I mean is that I shaped the template so that it fit the cutout and gave me the shape I would need for the neck.

But I had a small problem. The template fit perfectly, and the centerline was straight from the bridge to the nut end. However, it was a little under 1/16th of an inch low.

In the above photo, the line seems further out than it really is because the photo is not perfectly level. Just look at the left end to get an idea of the error.

But this is actually an easy thing to overcome.

It’s also why I used a template first, because if I used the neck blank, I’d be stuck with a useless piece of junk wood.

I drew a centerline onto the neck blank taking two things into account.

One, it needed to be square to the break point at the nut end. That’s easy enough to do, since Warmoth’s neck blanks are milled square anyway. Not a headache.

Two, I needed to draw the centerline lower than usual (not centered on the neck blank) because of the ‘shark fin’ sticking up out of the top. At the same time, I couldn’t put it too low because I needed at least 2 3/16″ at the bridge end and I needed to make sure there was enough space at the headstock end for the headstock.

That consideration was made easier by the headstock template I had made.

This was an image I downloaded. I glued it to a piece of MDF and cut it close to the line with a jigsaw. Then I used sanding drums to smooth out the cuts up to the line:

It’s one of the reasons I made it!

But its for a standard, non-reversed headstock. No problem; I just transferred the centerline down the two edges and then joined those two points on the back.

Lately I’ve been watching the History Channel’s Gangland series on YouTube. It’s all about street gangs, prison gangs, motorcycle gangs, and other such historically important phenomena.

Yeah, History Channel, I’m pointing at you. And not with my index finger.

I also went back and re-watched the classic 1996 HBO documentary Prisoners of the War on Drugs.

That’s the show that exposed Chris Rock (and the rest of us) to the Tossed Salad Man.

Another figure from that film was the ‘Grand Master of Meth’ Dennis Morrow, a person I always found to be highly amusing. When someone unironically refers to themselves as “the best methamphetamine producer that they have anywhere in this part of the Bible Belt,” I gotta love him.

Methamphetamine, or ‘crank,’ is one of the most disgusting drugs known to man. It’s made by combining quite a few household chemicals, any one of which is a lethal poison, with ephedrine.  The leftovers are classified as toxic waste.

As one meth junkie said in a documentary, methamphetamine is “all impurity.”

As much of a dope fiend as I might have once been, I never wanted to go near that crap.

Today on CNN there’s a story about the Mexican army seizing 15 tons of methamphetamine.

http://edition.cnn.com/2012/02/09/world/americas/mexico-amphetamines/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

That’s a lot of crank.

It’s enough to build a fence.

Which sounds like a weird idea.

Until you understand how it might best be used (@ 2:35):

God bless you Dennis Morrow, wherever you are.

This was the other Chinese New Year film for 2012. It’s a quartet of (mostly) love stories, one of which barely (but not quite) escapes being a dramatization of the real-life romance of  a famous filmmaker and a much much younger Asian woman.

Because it’s a New Year film, it is of course light on the heavyness and heavy on the silliness. But as I always say, it’s all right, because that’s how New Year films are supposed to be and so its not a surprise when they are. 

The four love stories play out with all the drama, tension and style we’ve come to expect from Raymond Wong films.

I.e. none.

But as I said, he gets a holiday pass, so that this inane cluster of celluloid is nowhere near as grating or degrading (!) as Magic to Win/開心魔法.

Neither, thank God, is the segment in which Raymond stars with Yang Mi.

Who takes her makeup much too seriously.

Given their multi-generational age difference, it was both refreshing and relieving that theirs is a plationic relationship based on a kind of proxy parenthood: Bad father Raymond atones by helping his new friend choose a husband. 

And again, I literally thanked God it didn’t turn out to be him.

Are you listening, Andy Lau?

This segment’s flirtation with creepiness was so prevalent that even an apparently harmless hug still seems… wrong:

She must want to be famous really, really badly.

The next pairing is Chapman To and Lynn Hung, who play a popular (if publicly anonymous) novelist and a blind girl.

Naturally, love would have to be blind for a woman to fall for Chapman To.

No, love would have to be in a coma.

Luckily for him, Lynn Hung’s character is blind, so she can only judge him by his intellect and caring.

  See? That was even funny to them.

Speaking of intellect, there is a baffling conflation of blindness with mental incapacity.

Lynn’s character occasionally displays an absolute dearth of even the most cursory intelligence or reasoning skill, not to mention a rather odd capacity for putting herself into life-threatening situations.

Yes, blind people are apparently impulsive, clumsy, and retarded in the bargain, and no, I cannot explain or understand how or why they made that leap.

 But following that logic, I can therefore say that scrīpt writer Chan Hing-ka is very likely blind.

The third story casts Louis Koo as a construction worker and Kelly Chen as a photographer. I enjoyed this story because Lam Suet played one of Louis’ colleagues and managed, as he usually does, to elevate the proceedings whenever he was on screen. 

Lam Suet is so great this photo doesn’t even make me mad:

The story of the photographer who fools her subject into falling in love with her naturally develops into a story where lies become truth and love conquers all.

Well, not really. If you’re going to make a movie where love conquers all, you have to cast Lam Suet as the male lead. And a woman with a really strong stomach as the female lead.

This segment of All’s Well Ends Well 2012/八星抱喜 unfolds with humor, flirting, and a CGI snake.

愛不能說出它的名字.

It’s amusing to watch Louis Koo hamming it up in an afro. His comic chops have really improved in the last few years, and its always fun to watch movie stars take gentle (or not-so-gentle) stabs at themselves. 

It’s also nice to see Kelly Chen back on the big screen. This movie is light and disposable, but then heavy drama was never really Kelly’s forte, was it? Still, it’s nice to see her up there.

Edison Chen joke (note object in background). 

The fourth and final pairing is Donnie Yen and Sandra Ng, as a pair of over-the-hill never-weres who may or may not find love while searching for musical redemption.

Some of the things I really enjoyed about this segment were the vicious send-up of the Twins as well as TVB’s incestuous award system. It was nice to see the New Year film franchise rivalry get some teeth, and it made me giggle.

I was less amused, however, by a flashback scene wherein Donnie Yen donned (!) an Afro wig and… ugh, I hate to even say it… blackface.

This kind of thing is retrogressive, insensitive, and really, really needs to be retired. 

As I’ve said before: If you want to get upset about Rosie O’Donnell’s insensitivity, it does you no good to continue doing it yourself.

It’s especially wrong because it sends up (albeit affectionately) the 1970s show Soul Train, whose founder, Don Cornelius, took his life earlier this week.

Obviously no one knew it would happen, but it still taints this film (and this industry and culture) indelibly.

It’s wrong, it’s ugly, it’s unnecessary and it’s not funny.

None of which, I am sure, matters a whit to the film’s makers or intended audience.

Reached earlier this week for comment, African American comedian Katt Williams had this to say:

Other than that, All’s Well Ends Well 2012/八星抱喜 is harmless New Year fun. It’s not the worst Raymond Wong film in the world (though that’s not really saying much). 

I was glad to be able to see New Year films in cinemas in Hong Kong; its one of the (rare) rewards for literally devoting my life to the city whose films I admire(d).

It was, for that matter, a rare treat to see two good films in a row as well, as well as their being Hong Kong films.

It’s a rare treat that is likely to remain a once-a-year, holiday phenomenon, unfortunately.

Day 7 Lesson: Check Who Your Message Is Addressed To Before Pressing Send

Day 7 in Malaysia began, as usual, with a good hearty laugh. Ben picked Rafael and I up from the hotel, and as we got into his car, he handed me his phone, laughing.

I quickly realized why. Alvin Lee had intended to send his wife a message, but as often happens in our media-(over)saturated world, he sent it to someone else.

The actual recipient, being Ben, responded accordingly if not appropriately:

We laughed ourselves silly, and kept laughing all through brunch (that label is more a matter of timing than menu).

And the laughter was just beginning.

Trying to explain the leftover Vietnamese in my beard.

When we rolled up in front of the Northam to pick up Alvin, he was standing outside the hotel, with assorted tourists and employees, which was just what I’d hoped for.

Because I jumped out of the car, ran up the steps, hollered “BB, I really miss you!” in Cantonese and hugged him.

The Mainland tourists next to us quickly moved away, as if homosexuality is contagious.

Gee, you mean like SARS?

The rest of the day was spent in chronic irreverence, laughter, and discussion.

And calling Alvin ‘BB’ every f@#$ing chance we got.

Filling out an application for me to be a 2012 Mean Machines model. Note 50″ chest.

Alvin had a photo shoot set up for his car. It was in a parking garage in downtown Penang.

Luckily for us, one of the upper floors was essentially deserted, and so we pretty much had the run of the place.

There were security guards, but they seemed more interested in the cars than aggravated by them.

They even directed the occasion car around the area we were filming in.

I wanted to take a photo with the security guards, but was unsure of asking.

Maybe I’m overly educated, but I didn’t want to come off like a gweilo tourist who wants his picture taken with the brown-skinned Other.

Honestly, I wanted the picture because I was amused and appreciative of the guards’ rather, uh, diminutive stature.

What I mean is that on one hand, it struck me as odd to have such un-intimidating figures of authority. 

But on the other hand, its kind of a nice thought to know that they obviously don’t need overgrown brawlers to keep the peace.

Turns out that corporeal fascination was mutual. Before I could even work up the courage to ask them for a photo, they asked me!

I also have to say as an American that it’s an interesting concept to spend a week in a country where a significant number of women wore veils and the world didn’t come to an end. I got your Islamophobia swinging.

Something tells me she is not someone to suffer fools gladly. I mean other than me… 

“ Anda seorang keparat yang besar, anda tahu ini, ya?”

Later on we had dinner in a Chinese restaurant. I am sure Ben remembers where it is (he does live there, after all), but the food and the ambiance were great.

Sorry my photo is so crap.

I know you’re tired of hearing it, but the weather was exquisite.

Living in Hong Kong, you get used to being in air con 10 months out of the year, so it was a real treat to actually have fresh air and breeze while eating in an indoor restaurant.

Alvin took off for Kuala Lumpur, and Ben and I hung out until the early hours, since he was waiting to pick up a friend from work and bring her home. I got back to the hotel some time after midnight.

I was awake again by 5:30 or so, because I unfortunately had an horrifically early flight.

But Ben very, very kindly picked me up and drove me to the airport. I wouldn’t have blamed him for telling me to arrange my own transport, but I am very glad I didn’t have to. 

Because that meant I got to go tear-assing around the streets of Penang a little more, and it was especially, uh, entertaining because at 6:00AM the streets are nearly deserted, allowing for rather exciting driving.

I was also glad because we got to eat breakfast. A number of Penang’s best and most popular eateries are near the airport,  so Ben suggested we try them out.

Naturally, I agreed.

Joo Leong Café (179-H, Sungei Tiram, Bayan Lepas, 11900 Penang) was not yet open for business, so we drove to another place nearby that served noodles. Hopefully Ben can refresh my memory with the name and location, as well as the specific noodles we ate. 

I think ours were literally the first two bowls of noodles served that day, and it was, as you may guess, great.

I ate the noodles, drank the soup, and would have licked the bowl if I thought I could get away with it.

Since we still had some time before we needed to go to the airport, and since it was there, we drove back to Joo Leong Café, which was now open for business.

Breakfast twice. And why not?

We ate some of Penang’s best toast and eggs:

It’s so good that words literally cannot describe it. 

Sadly, after we ate it was time to leave. Ben brought me to the airport, and too soon I was on my way back to Hong Kong. 

I had an incredible time in Penang, and the lion’s share of credit for that goes to Ben Lo.

I met a lot of great people, laughed myself silly for a week, ate incredible food, got to go drifting, saw hundreds of amazing cars, watched a gymkhana, and got my nipple tweaked by a car model. 

I can’t wait to go back!!!

2012. It’s a new year, and that means one thing: Chinese New Year (CNY) movies! While some films are released around Chinese New Year, other films are literally made for the holiday. Most often, the traditional New Year films are very family-based, frivolous, and light hearted (at least by the conclusion of the film).

They’re kind of like an old Christmas sweater that someone in your family has worn at the holidays for about 30 years. It’s comfortable, nostalgia-inducing, a symbol of family and holiday, and you wouldn’t be caught dead in it any other time of the year.

New Year films are farcical in the most thorough and yet most endearing way. They’re supposed to be farcical, and given that license, they run screaming with it. They run with scissors.

New Year films don’t flirt with silliness and stupidity. They shower them with gifts, whisper fawning supplications in their ear and slip K-jai into their drinks, then bring them to Kowloon Tong for a sweaty 3-way. That is filmed.

And you know what? I’m okay with that. As frothed up as I often get over the perceived stupidity of films, it never bothers me during New Year because I know that New Year films are supposed to be stupid.

Really stupid.

I knew that  The Great Magician/大魔術師 was released during the New Year holiday, but I didn’t know it was a New Year film. Had I known that, I would have enjoyed its descent into farce much more than I did.

In the last few years, there have come to be two New Year film franchises, I Love Hong Kong and All’s Well Ends Well, brought to us by TVB/Shaw Brothers and Raymond Wong respectively.

They use the same title every year, changing only the year.

Branding or laziness? Hard to tell sometimes.

But it doesn’t really matter.

I love CNY movies because they are guaranteed to be stupid and I don’t have to worry about it.

Kind of like Wong Jing movies.

I Love Hong Kong 2012/2012我愛HK 喜上加囍 does not disappoint in that department. But it’s okay, and it’s actually pretty fun.

For me, the best thing was to be able to see Stanley Fung Shui Fan and  Siu Yam Yam on the big screen.

Siu Yam Yam tries to show Stanley Fung some of her other plastic surgery. Note his response.

Stanley is often in the series, but it is simply a nice thing to see him anyway.

The same goes for Anita Yuen, who was in the series previously though not in this installment.

Too often, older HK stars get sent packing, right around the time they actually become good actors!

The story revolves, as it usually does, around a family in crisis.

And Eric Tsang Chi Wai.

This photo makes me nervous.

There is romance, the testing of filial bonds, and lazy family members in afro wigs.

What, you thought I was joking?

Romance is in the air in I Love Hong Kong 2012/2012我愛HK 喜上加囍, and its as thick as winter smog.

6-Wing and Vivian Zhang are two people brought together by fate.

Well, by the scrīpt, actually.

He’s thinking about baseball. I would be too.

Will they find true love?

Is love truly blind?

She’d have to be, wouldn’t she?

Of course love is blind.

But even Ray Charles knew the difference between a $1 and $10 bill.

Love isn’t free.

Especially at 2:00AM in Mong Kok. From what I’ve read.

Love is blind, justice is blind, but finance has 20/20 vision.

6-Wing is broke. How will he ever manage to woo Vivian Zhang?

By living virtuously and taking a stand against property-owner hegemony!

Because that makes chicks hot. 

Let’s face it; plausibility is not a necessary ingredient in CNY films. To that end: 

Denise Ho Wan Si and Bosco Wong Chung Chak play the odd couple, since both of them appear to be playing for the other team.

“Of course I can wear white at the wedding, silly!”

I enjoyed this subplot, because even though it is a grudging allowance for alternative lifestyles, it is still light years ahead of many contemporary depictions. It was also oddly refreshing to note the tacit acceptance of premarital sex between these two characters, another refreshing change.

Of course, my insipid fascination with tomboys in general and one of Hong Kong’s ‘flagship lesbians’ in particular certainly helped.

“I am jealous of Bosco Wong” is not a phrase I’ve ever thought I’d hear myself say.

Naturally (?), in true CNY spirit, these two misfits (???) manage to find a relationship space well within accepted Chinese expectations.

Hong Kongers accept gay people. As long as they get married and have children. That’s fair, right?

My favorite pleasant surprise in I Love Hong Kong 2012/2012我愛HK 喜上加囍 is the return of Natalie ‘Diesel’ Meng Yao, former Wong Jing ‘It Girl’ (read: bed partner).

If I say her presence looms over others in the film, it’s only because she’s so f@#$ing big:

這是一個大的母狗.

Like all good CNY films, I Love Hong Kong 2012/2012我愛HK 喜上加囍 is quick, silly, and essentially forgettable.

But it is also a quintessential part of Hong Kong Chinese New Year culture, and I sincerely enjoy seeing these films in the theatre with a local audience, who always seem to thoroughly (and verbally) enjoy themselves. 

It’s something I look forward to every year and always one of the highlights of my CNY festivities.

Seeing Eric Tsang’s crotch thankfully is not.

It’s also the only time of the year that the Dynasty is more than 6% full. Money laundering is never easier than during Chinese New Year!!!