The duckbill

The platypus has a few quirks. One of them is listening to people being ironic, or saying things which they don't realize. It makes the platypus cringe and sort of shrink into a tiny dot, specter, before a giant catastrophe takes place.

The Q-tip: I totally  hate people who cannot pronounce properly!

Platypus: nods

The Q-tip: I mean they should really learn how to pronounce. The pronounciation of a word is so important! chortles I simply cannot date people with bad pronounciation.

The platypus laughs.

The Q-tip: Why you laughing like that?

Platypus: Honey, because I feel the same as you do. Bad pronunciation can make the skin crawl. You "pronounce" a word and the "pronunciation" of that word can make a lot of difference.

The Q-tip: Wait. Why did you keep saying "pronunciation"? It's "pronounciation"!

Platypus: ............................. I'll eat 10 durians if it's pronounciation...I kid you not. It's "--- NUN-ciation"

The platypus found herself shrinking into a pool of internal bleeding as the Q-tip continued smugly showing resentment for people who cannot say "salmon" but "sell-mon".

Platypus: Do you use "an" or "a" when it comes to "a,e,i,o,u"?

The Q-tip: "An" of course! I'm not stupid!

Platypus: "A" university or "an" university? "A" unicorn or "an" unicorn? "A" or "an" united body, utility bill and user?

The Q-tip: ............................

Platypus quips: Oops. Didn't mean it.

PS: no animals were hurt in this little spat. the Q-tip remains an an annoyingly lovable girl pal of the platypus.