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OPEN HOUSE #8: Homeowning Hiccups
Saturday, Apr 17, 2010 2:41AM / Members only
I took Oliver to the vet for the first time ever in all the years I've owned him. And after I got the bill, I think I must table the plans I had to install hardwood floors in the loft. Oh, tis life.
He screwed up his tail somehow and had an infection so bad I gasped when the vet shaved his tail down to show me huge gaping infected holes. And now, he must wear the cone of shame.
I have nothing much to report. I've been home for a week, my place is still a disaster area of boxes. And for the first in a long long time, I'm going to be home in LA for more than three weeks. I love my new place still. I love the loft. I love being able to show people the place even if it's littered with crap from my past lives.
My life now consists of me walking zombie like through IKEA, pricing out wood flooring in the middle of the night at Home Depot, and programming parking garage door openers.
It's a very sexy and awesome life. I've never been happier.
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Crassy Lady
Tuesday, Mar 30, 2010 12:16PM / Members only
Greetings from Philadelphia!
I'm here for a ten day residency that started with me doing my "Wong Sans Wheels" show. All week we're working on a new show that goes up Saturday dealing with issues of "home." Very apropro for me with all the moving and new transition in to an adult's adulthood. The show actually translated well over here. I inserted all sorts of slides comparing Philly to Los Angeles to paint how not-pedestrian friendly LA is.
But what was the most awesome surprise was that my friend Nancy told me that I was mentioned in an LA Weekly article about LA Theater. I didn't even know about this... Mark Murphy, the artistic director of REDCAT said of my work:
"Murphy also sees an interesting growth in and sophistication of works dealing with identity politics, particularly in the works of Kristina Wong and Lars Jan."
That's right... "SOPHISTICATION." Such an awesome quote.
To celebrate my newfound sophistication, I'm drinking long island iced teas, hiring some incall strippers, and pulling out the crack pipe.
I've never been called "sophisticated" in my life. Between the condo and this quote... I'm one crassy lady.
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OPEN HOUSE #7: Sweet Sweet Love
Sunday, Mar 21, 2010 2:44AM / Members only
I had a real estate orgasm Wednesday when I finally officially got notice of official close of escrow at 3pm on March 17, St. Patrick's Day. I was so excited about closing escrow that I misplaced my keys to the old place twice trying to get out the door to Koreatown.
Yes, I have a mortgage now, I must now worry about things like leaky faucets, faulty electric, property tax, termites. That part sucks, but I feel like I'm in love with life in this weird equity-esque way. I actually have pride in where I live. And I finally feel like I'm not that kid who just got out of college and is blindfoldedly navigating life. I feel so happy and at peace with my past and with my life. So weird is that all it took was a little condo in Koreatown to do it.
My realtor brought me a bottle of champagne for my arrival and left me alone in my new home. I sat in the living room, sipping on bubbly and taking in my new setpiece for my life. Imagining a whole future ahead.
My friend Nahkone is moving into the second room. He's a very fun gay boy and we played records on my Fisher Price record player I've had since I was a girl. When I was growing up in San Francisco, my friend Ariana and I would play the same records on the same record player. We talked about how we'd buy a house one day and play records when we moved in. So it was a great moment that I'd been anticipating since I was a girl. Me and Nahkone played music and took turns walking down the stairs like we were Norma Desmond and it was Sunset Blvd.
I danced by myself in the living room and we cheered for each other.
Ironically, I went to two housewarming parties yesterday. Two different friends who just bought new places. I never thought it was possible to be up late on a Friday night talking about home inspections and linoleum, but baby, meet the new boring Kristina! I'm loving it!
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OPEN HOUSE #6: Homeowning has Killed My Libido
Tuesday, Mar 16, 2010 12:47AM / Members only
It's quite possible that any desire to love or get closer to another human being has been completely obliterated for the next 30 years-- the amount of time I have left to pay off my mortgage.
It's been a while since this little cat lady has gone on a date. And last night I found myself invited (thankyouverymuch) out to dinner and a show. He's a totally cute fella and we get along enough. And he even pulls up in his shiny new convertible with the top down to pick me up. He asked how I was doing, was super attentive and caring, and all I could talk about was my condo. How I was going to orchestrate this move. How I didn't know what furniture to get. How I wanted to steam clean the carpets and bleach the toilets as soon as I get my keys on Wednesday. You know, real sexy talk.
He'd reach for my hand, I'd squeeze it back. But all I could really think as I looked into his eyes was: "I wonder if I'd get more renters for the second bedroom if I lowered the rental price $10 and included utilities in the price of rent..."
We had an hour to kill before dinner and the show. He asked, "What do you want to do Kristina?" probably anticipating some kind of romantic response like a walk in the park or a stop for wine at a bar.
I screamed, "I want to go to the Mattress Superstore! No! No! Bed Bath and Beyond!!! I need to look at duvet covers!"
Yes, I was serious.
On Saturday night, my recently divorced friend had a bunch of women over at her place for a pool party. I hadn't hung out with a bunch of women like that in god knows how long. We were like a non-profit women of color version of Sex and the City, with more cat hair. We were talking about how owning a home and being financially independent totally makes you look at dating differently: What's the point of dating anyone if you have your own condo? And what self-respecting homeowner dates a renter?
That's right, I'm turning into a homeowning snob! With no libido. Who instead of being obsessed with love is now obsessed with carpet cleaners. Hot.
Today, I go to the mortgage office and drop off a check for a large amount of money. Please pray that check does not whip out of my hands into the sky on the way to there. Wednesday, I pick up the keys. And at that point, I finally unite with my soulmate for eternity-- a 2bedroom+2 ba+loft condo in Koreatown.
It'll be true love.
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OPEN HOUSE #5: Sustainable home
Saturday, Mar 13, 2010 1:25PM / Members only
Last night was Friday night. Rather than go on a date, party, see a show or live life, I was on Ikea.com trying to pick out the set pieces for the rest of my life.
It looks like I might close escrow as soon as Monday and pick up my keys Wednesday. I did the final home inspection Thursday and feel really great about this new life transition. I feel totally confident about this purchase now. No matter what happens in my financial future, I've put a huge net under me. And I expect this to be the first of many homes I'll purchase in my life.
I am in the market for a new bed, mattress, new chest of drawers, crafting table, dining set, flatware, dishes, and a whole lot of other stuff I haven't bought in a long long time. When I moved from West LA, a lot of my furniture (mostly hand-me downs from past subletters and friends) were falling apart in the move. I actually had to dump whole pieces that had totally fallen apart as soon as they came out of the UHAUL as they were literally disintegrating in my hands. I'm leaving behind my dining set, my futon, and futon frame. I was going to leave my couches behind until I saw what new couches were going for.
For the first time in how many years I actually walked into the antique furniture stores on Santa Monica Blvd. I've passed them so many times, and wondered how they stay in business. And I found myself looking at end tables. And dining sets. And antiques. And so confused wondering who I am. I've been sleeping under the same sheets for 10 years!!!! Am I shabby chic? Modern? Art deco? Am I a King bed or Queen bed gal?
I'm basically trying to build a whole new big adult life. It's kind of awesome. And for the first time in my life, I have the advantage of choice, and $8k from Obama to do it.
I've never had the dilemma of choice. And I've never really gotten to choose my furniture. It always chose me. The desk I write you from, was a hand me down I've had since college. My couches were fortuitous offerings from Out of the Closet. I have been travelling so much that making a "home" has always been a challenge. I take what I'm given.
I have the means but I only seem to have one chance to really get these decisions down right. I've been thinking about sustainability and how I'd like to have furniture that lasts but doesn't kill the planet. But just looking at sustainable furniture is making me broke. $1400 for a bamboo coffee table? Wha?!?
Unfortunately, Ikea does not have the best reputation for furniture that transports itself well or lasts. And that's a real sustainability issue. But nor do a lot of other furniture makers have a reputation for environmentally sound production.
So for now, I'm going to move most of my old furniture in. Buying new pieces to slowly take their place. And trying to keep my new place spare and beautiful.
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- Kristina Wong is a nationally presented solo performer, writer, actor, educator, culture jammer, and filmmaker. Described by the East Bay Express as "brutal but hilarious.....
- Occupation: Theater , Stand-up Comedian , Author
- Gender: Female
- Total visits: 49,411
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