Language and Lewdness

Recently, I have seen photos of members, posted bythose members, that I find... interesting.They're all of women. Just so we understand whatinteresting means.I feel confident in asserting that these images were designed to elicit said response.

At my age, I can't always be confident I will have a response, so I guess I ought to be grateful.

This being a community and all, a mutually encouraging environment, it would seem only fair that I should acknowledge or comment on these photos. Yet to do so risks making oneself a target for the opprobrium of people who may find your frank (if positive) appraisal of the mental and physiological effects of their work... offensive.

It strikes me as a bit of a paradox; someone presents a sexually oriented image, yet to voice a sexually oriented response to that image is somehow out of bounds.

Who knows? Maybe it wouldn't be. But why risk it?

And I can hear people say "There are other ways to say what you mean without resorting to base language..."

To which I say "F@#$ you..."

Indeed, there are always choices to be made. But often the choice is not so easy. Because sometimes there are better ways to say things than others.

One thing I miss from the US is the panoply of colloquialisms that manage to convey their subjects in unique and charming ways.

If something is slippery, it is 'slick as a trout.'

If it is really slippery, and there are only friends around you, it is 'slicker than two eels f@#$ing in a barrel of snot.'

That's slippery.

But it illustrates my point, to some extent. I don't think profanity is necessary in most cases to convey one's feelings.

The allusion to the profane, however, is always welcome. It's fun to keep a straight face and tell someone that a female-to-male sex change procedure is called anaddadictomy.

Neither is the banal necessary. To respond to a woman whose walk, figure, or behavior is provocative by asking "Hey honey, you got any fries to go with that shake?" is so astoundingly dumb that anyone who says it ought to be summarily executed.

There's got to be a better way to say that, or a better thing to say.

Even if you can't (or shouldn't) really say it to anyone.

Even if it describes exactlyhow you feel.

Even if you think it's hilarious and blends the right amount of earthiness, wit, and provocation.

There is nothing I enjoy more than the occasional opportunity to say things in front of people that I know will find them amusing. Generally, these are things that you can say aboutsomeone, but not tosomeone.

Like I have said before, every time I see a woman with hair dyed some outrageous color, I ask whoever is next to me if they think 'the hat and the purse match.'

Because you can't say that to a woman you don't know. It's not an explicitly offensive question, it's just... intrusive. What business is it of mine?

Some might say that walking around with bright blue hair places upon one the obligation to at least understand that such comments may be made, but I'm not one of them.

Even if it's what you may be thinking, and even if you mean it well, even if you use the question as a preface to another potentially flattering question, i.e. "If they do, would you marry me?", there's just no way to pose that question in a socially acceptable manner.

Unless there's vodka involved, but I digress...

So I say all of that to say this:

Sometimes, when I see something (or someone) I find interestingin an extremely affecting way, when I see something (or someone) that elicits from me a response so basic that it nearly obliterates every last scrap of whatever higher learning I achieved, I think to myself, or say to someone (who is not that someone ) in all sincerity, honesty, and flattery (and more than a little awe),"If I had a swing like that on my porch... I'd eat it." That sentence makes almost no sense at all grammatically or logically, but it is a perfect distillation of how I think and feel, and it is as true as it is nonsensical.