Movie Review: Magic to Win/開心魔法

In cinematic terms, there isn’t that much magic anywhere in the universe.

This movie does not win.

Except at sucking.

The Gang of Film (電影人幫) went to the Dynasty to punish ourselves for our sins.

That’s the only reason I can think of.

I was skulljobbed on cough syrup thanks to my bronchitis, but it didn’t really help.

Luckily, this film wasn’t even good enough to be laughed at, because every time I would laugh I tasted blood in my mouth. But maybe that was just Magic to Win/開心魔法…

This film was so bad that dead people wouldn’t like it.

We think one of the other Dynasty regulars is dead. He’s been in the same seat for 5 years. And he stinks.

Wait, that’s me.

If I remember correctly (and I pray to God I don’t), Magic to Win/開心魔法 about a battle for the five magical elements, collection of which grants unlimited power.

Or membership in the CCP, which in China is the same Godd@mn thing.

It’s also about college volleyball.

No, I am not kidding.

And materialism.

And alcoholism; Louis puts away whiskey like he wants his last name changed to O’Koo.

This movie was just horrible, but what else do you expect from Raymond Wong?

The only reason his New Year films have been any good is because either

A) He got Herman Yau to direct them or

B) At New Year’s everybody loves movies that play like the screenwriter is autistic.

In any of the other 11 months (November being one of them), Raymond Wong movies suck rancid shrimp salad from a dead camel’s @ss.

With a straw.

Watching Louis Koo whore himself with this garbage makes me think he really needs an assistant to walk behind him holding a pink fluorescent light over his head at all public appearances.

He could be the King of Portland St.

As Kozo pointed out after the film (while we all stood outside the Dynasty weeping quietly and feeling dirty), when the climactic battle is between Wu Jing and Raymond F@#$ing Wong (his legal name), your film is doomed.

Sadly, so are the viewers.

He also said that the best thing anyone could say about Magic to Win/開心魔法 is that at least the volleyball was real. 

The best thing I can say about having seen this celluloid travesty is that  it stands as a testament to how much my friends in the Gang of Film mean to me.

I knew this movie was going to suck.

Hey, it was in Mong Kok, right?

But I didn’t care.

Because I was going to see it with some of my favorite people in Hong Kong at my favorite cinema in Hong Kong. They were worth it even if Magic to Win/開心魔法 isn’t.

And trust me, that’s ALL the positive stuff that I took away from watching this piece of sh*t.

Lock and load.

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