Dumpling Eating: HK Dragon Boat Festival: NYC

So I have an itch.

A little one mind you

not a big one

but an itch no less

I have an itch to become a competitive eater.

It started three years ago when I spontaneously joined a Hamburger Eating contest in Brooklyn for the free meal. 8 minutes, Two Bottles of Water, Hamburgers galore

The winner ate about 25. He was a pro. 2nd and 3rd place were pros as well, being in the competitive eating circuit for a few years.

I finished 4th with 12 burgers in 8 minutes.

That was encouraging...

Then last summer in Japan?

Being bored off my mind between shows, I threw down the gauntlet to the biggest clown (no joke) in the dressing room and told him I can out eat him in hotdogs any day!

Which set off the Battle Royale in Southern Japan. 10 minutes, Hot Dog and Buns

Unfortunately we couldn't find any hot dog buns so we had to settle for wonder bread..

eww..

 In Japan: Check out the fear in the clown's eyes as I donned my Skeletor Make Up and went

Hot Dog Samurai on his ass!

And you know what? I didn't do too bad...

Now what?

Well, I flew back to New York last weekend to perform in a few shows upstate as well as take part in the Hong Kong Dragon Boat festival main stage performances with my variety act.

Turns out that my shows that day coincided with the 5th Annual Dumpling Eating Contest.

WOOO HOOO! Boy oh Boy! How can a guy turn down an opportunity like that?

So I signed up, keeping in mind that I'll have to perform a pretty high impact show a few hours after.

Jeez, I knew things were bad when I received a number that means "Will Die" in Cantonese

My spirits were high though until I saw the massive crew of Pro Competitive Eaters signing up as well..

I mean, these were the guys that can swallow you whole and ask for seconds and thirds..

These guys had technique

These guys had a system

These guys had a stomach...4 of them! Like Cows!

But I like to think I had style..

Trying to jam 3 dumplings up my mouth.

Wouldn't go down, wouldn't go up

I was STUCK!

Hey, a little water may help!

Screw it! Let's double fist it!

Go down Damn you GO DOWN!

Well, I ended up losing.

I didn't even place.

24 in 2 minutes

Argh! I eat 24 as a regular meal!!

The winner ate 66.

He swallowed them down like goldfish.

Pretty Impressive!

Is this the end of a promising career?

Probably

I couldn't get over the fact that there's a dozen of us onstage cramming food in our mouths in such a forceful display of gluttony while a good portion of the world barely have anything to eat.

I'm not one to judge and I love the fact that we're able to do this but I think I'm going to hang up

my battle apron on this one.

You know what's funny though?

I was still hungry afterwards