so we're still shooting our passion project, and i guess i'll have to find out if it's ok to say the name of it so that i can spill it, but i can never get quite used to having a gun pointed at me, fake or not. i get angry when it's pointed around me either in play or whatever, yet i realized that once that camera is on, and i'm in character, nothing really phases me...everything is real and fake. does that even make sense? probably not...it's just, i guess, that i'm not bothered...cuz it's supposed to be there, i'm supposed to have it pointed at me...it's weird how i can just transcend into my character and no longer be affected by anything...no pain, no weather, no fear, except the actual fear of being killed that my character is feeling...but then i wrap shooting for the nite, drive home, and i start to come back into reality...feel the pain and see the bruises that i didn't realize i was getting while shooting, feel the cold, the fear...slowly i come back into reality...yet i'm still unable to come down from the highs of shooting...no matter how tired i am, whether it's been 2 hours or 20, i can NOT fall asleep immediately...i usually have to do certain things: i HAVE to eat. i don't care if it's 3am, i'm eating. then i have to watch something totally mindless, like foodnetwork, or some romantic comedy that i've already seen 800 times. or else i do crosswords...now, i'm not talking the ny times sunday crosswords, i'm talking those tiny little easy crosswords, that are literally titled "EASY CROSSWORDS." i'm not doing it to gain brain cells, i'm doing it to come down from the shoot...anyways, i really do love shooting, especially with our own project. sure, there are a lot of stresses, a lot of downs, but there ARE ups...and they're all ours...they're immediate, and they're intimate...even, at gunpoint...
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