By Xu Xu - a message to a motherly love.

I haven't checked my guestbook for a long time. There was a message saying that he finally found Xu Xu's blog and that the Xu Xu's blog almost made him cry. I didn't pay attention at first till I was about to turn off my computer. For some unknown reason , I went to Xu Xu's page and I found this. Without me realizing tears have streamed down my face. I'd like to share it with everybody. Interesting how it relates to my blogs in deeper wound. By Xu Xu:

*MESSAGE from HEAVEN

Saturday, Apr 4, 2009 8:25AM / Standard Entry

March 22nd 2009, Sunday

Mum bought MORE cages and ham-ham stuffs yesterday. She finally found the thing she wanted to get the most. HAMSTER HARNESS -_-". YES, I have been given a new home, new bathtub, a new toilet, a new wheel, a new food container and a lot of other NEW things but it's stop being great about right there when introduced this alien white furry long creature that has teeth like mine, only bigger almost 2 weeks ago. I was so excited to try it out that she grabbed me as soon as she reaches home. I screamed as she put it on me. What was hurting so much????   It's been hurting me for days now.

Ow... NO!!!! I don't want to go the gozilla woman.

March 23rd 2009, Monday

It was not a Gozilla this time, She was the crazy bat!!!! SHE STICKED her teeth into me. SHIT!!!! wait... was it her teeth? I DUNNO! I didn't watch. Mum covered my eyes! SHIT it hurt!

SCARY!!!!! .... why do I feel numb all over? Mummy.. Mummy I can't breathe!!!!

Mum.... Stay with me....please.

Letter to Mummy:

Mummy, you vowed to make me the happiest hamster ever alive. You swore to feed me even when you have nothing to eat. With my picky tastebuds, I know I was not a cooperative buddy to live with. But mummy, you never complained. You really spoiled me more than I ever could asked for. I love you loving me... I love you giving me warmth, I love sleeping in your hugs, I love your caressing me, I love you screaming at me when I get naughty, I love those new snacks you bought me, I love you spoiling me, I love your gentle care, I love you, I love you for you are my mummy.

I knew I did not have much time left. Mummy, I was scared. I was scared to be alone. My whole body was aching and my head so heavy... My heart... My breath.... everything looked weird and fuzzy. I was so scared. I was scared you'd leave me. I was scared to lose you, I was scared to not seeing you anymore. I was scared you'd forget me. So, I kept you embracing me the whole night through. When you held me and caressed me in your palms, I felt content and complete.  Never ever had I been more content, happy and grateful for your touch than those hours.

This feeling was so...... familiar. Yea.... you used to hold me like this every day. I was a little jealous of my ever increasing neighbours and yes, I was angry you enlarging the family so fast that you were always busy taking care of them.  ...But then.... how can I complain when I know you have always loved me most? I just..... missed you terribly, mummy! I just missed you...nothing other than that. I was missing you. I am still missing you. I will always be missing you. I treasure us. If chronic pain, fuzziness, heavy chest and head which took over most of my senses and  slowly my life too were to be the price I had to pay to lay in your palms whole night long, I would still feel it was worth every bit of it. I would do it all over again. That night I was very happy, mummy. I haven't been held so long and so dear for way too long, mummy. The comfort of your warm touch soothe me. How I wish I could stay like that longer.... forever maybe? I indulged on your affection for that was the only thing that could lift the weight of my chest and back.

I love you, mummy. I wanted to enjoy being with you every lasting second as I might not be able to share such affection with you in the future. That night may be my last chance. Had you spoiled me any less, I might have enjoyed rolling around in a ball instead .

I am just kidding. I do not want to see you being too upset. I will always be with you, mummy. where ever, whenever. Remember to do the things available that could make you happiest in any situations that you might face in the future. I could not be physically with you anymore... You'd probably follow my footsteps if I appear infront of you suddenly . Hey!!!!!!!! wait a minute... that is not such a bad idea .

Hm...  I prefer still for you to  live happily instead . We can spend time again together when your time is due . I'll go register as the death angel soon, so I get to come along to pick you up  in time.

Ok, now serious matters! Xu Xu's WILL:

1. Take good of yourself, like you took good care of me

2. Love yourself, more than you love me

3. Be strong and cheerful, remember I AM watching you

4. Take care of my other neighbours BUT NEVER love them like you loved me or spoiled me

5. Love me always , remember me always , miss me always .

You.... will remember me right?

Will you forget me?

Mummy.... please remember me, your Xu Xu.

1. Apart from my old time favourite, I guess the other neighbours could use my toys, bedroom, bed, toilet, and so on. No one SHALL touch my submarine though! that is mine MINE MINE!

2. I want you to have a song:

Video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gcf0vClikj4

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No Mountains too high, for you to climb All you have to do, is have some climbing faith, oh yeah

No rivers too wide, for you to make it across

All you have to do, is believe it when you pray

And then you will see, the morning will come

And everyday will be bright as the sun

All of your fears, cast them on me

I just want you to see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky

I'll be your shoulder when you cry

I'll hear your voices when you call

I am your angel

And when all hope is gone, I'm here

No matter how far you are, I'm near

It makes no difference who you are

I am your angel

I'm your angel..

I saw the teardrops, and I heard you cry

All you need is time, seek me and you shall find

You have everything and you're still lonely

It don't have to be this way, let me show you a better day

And then you will see, the morning will come

And all of your days will be bright as the sun

So all of your fears, just cast them on me

How can I make you see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky

I'll be your shoulder when you cry

I'll hear your voices when you call me

I am your angel

And when all hope is gone, I'm here

No matter how far you are, I'm near

It makes no difference who you are

I am your angel

I'm your angel

And when it's time to face the storm

I'll be right by your side

Grace will keep us safe and warm

And I know we will survive

And just when it seems as if your end is drawing near

Don't you dare give up the fight

Just put your trust beyond the sky...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky

I'll be your shoulder when you cry

I'll hear your voices when you call me

I am your angel

And when all hope is gone, I'm here

No matter how far you are, I'm near

It makes no difference who you are

I am your angel

I'm your angel

 

     THANK YOU MUMMY! FOR LOVING ME! FOR ALLOWING ME TO LOVE YOU BACK!

  I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, MUMMY!

                                                                             

   XUXU FOREVER