Back finally

Sorry, guys been idle for such a long time, was just very tired physically emotionally, spiritually. Anyway, got admitted into hospital last Saturday, thought that was the only place I could really rest without any worries, just put them aside and sleep. Turned out even my last resort didn't help too. So, I only stayed for 1 night there. Called in to office last Thursday to ask for a full WEEK of REST BREAK as I felt I was really falling sick (been about to be sick since before Malay, been on Panadol for over a month to stop the cold from manifesting itself). The idea was to have a full week of rest, a total shut down mechanically, systematically, spiritually and so on. Yet, nothing turned out right, my resting was only pulling me deeper into the gloom.

It affected me so much even Xu Xu can feels it.

Honestly she gained a LOT of weight the last week and so does Guai2

but Xu Xu really did reflect my state.

So, I decided to turn on my mobile and msg a friend in Penang to ask about her recent conditions. To my surprise her answer brought me laughter that I had not had for almost 3-4 weeks. Laughing at myself, at how silly  I could be; I and all my worries and unhappiness and things that drags me down that could seemingly be so justified. what an irony? I really laughed at myself, at the message and again at myself. Yet. still it takes more than that to lift my spirit up.

the msgs went something like this:

Y^3: "Hi, how are you recently? Miss you tremendously!"

didn't want to sound too sad or too down or too annoying, as if I am always bothered with things. But I really dunno where I should begin, so I wrote her that sms.CC: "M EXCELLENT! Can sleep, can eat and Poo Poo too :-D" was her exact answer

I was shocked in a pleasant awe!!!!!!!!!!! I was like  "what???" yea..... stupid .... ME!

I used to tell people to stop worrying, to not to regret things, to try to treasure what they have now, to be grateful for everything and look at things from the brighter side, (NOT THAT I DID NOT TRY OR DID I NOT DO WHAT I SAID but I was still in the gloom), yet here I am with the sky on my shoulder where as just few hours from Hong Kong my friend is feeling on top of the world for simply getting the 3 basic human necessities right. What an irony?

One last message to another friend that helped lifted me up was:

"yea, maybe u r right. I am a hopeless pessimist and a useless perfectionist!"

the hopeless and useless were added by myself.

And the msg I received in return:

" STOP! you'll be fine. You're such a bright girl!"

So here I am sharing my heart, first hand here on my blog with you guys.

PS: been reading the emails i sent out before my hospitalization, Gosh.... I can't believe I was telling people to be strong, etc where as I was on my bottom pit.