Movie Review: Z Storm/Z風暴

Z Storm/Z風暴 is directed by David Lam, who hasn’t directed a film in a dog’s age.

And some of the films he directed were dogs.

He co-wrote the scrīpt with Ho Wa Hong, whose credits aren’t really much better.

I enjoyedRed To Kill , but not for the plot or dialog.

Which, the trailer would have us believe, are the selling points of Z Storm/Z風暴.

The acting in Z Storm/Z風暴 is almost uniformly excellent.

Lo Hoi Pang makes his requisite appearance in a local film, in a role somewhat larger than usual, and he’s very good in it. 

Gordon Lam Ka Tung is also excellent in a role that should have been larger. 

Louis Koo is interesting as the head of the ICAC investigation. The problem is that Louis Koo doesn’t look like an ICAC boss.

He looks like a movie star.

Lau Ching Wan would have been better in the role, because his everyman appearance is much more believable. 

Louis Koo would have been much more believable in the Michael Wong role. So would Gordon Lam.

So would anybody.

I shouldn’t say such terrible things. Michael Wong would be the first person to tell you his movie career is much more about luck than skill.

And he is one of the most consistently entertaining actors in local movies.

Besides, I got to hear him call Dad Chen a whore. I shouldn’t complain.

As usual, people like Tony Ho, Liu Kai Chi, Eddie Cheung Siu Fai, and Philip Keung Ho Man put in solid performances in small supporting roles.

So it’s a shame all this acting goes to waste on a plot so grossly contrived and so poorly executed that I just feel bad for them.

My biggest problem with this movie is, as per usual, the frequent lack of logic and/or surplus of idiocy in the scrīpt.

I realize movies must have coincidences, or unusual events. But does that mean that I have no right to ask for a little plausibility?

A phone conversation between Louis Koo and Lo Hoi Pang requires a superhuman level of suspension of disbelief.

And I just couldn’t do it.

The mysterious bad guy is of course a foreigner, played by either the guy from the Dos Equis commercial or Andrea Bocelli.

I can’t tell, because we all f@#$ing look alike.

He is secretive and wants to remain anonymous. You would too if your name was Mr. Zorro.

Spelled with one R in the subtitles.

His zeal (!) for secrecy is so great that his master plan, a huge ponzi scheme, is called the Z Hedge Fund.

But this isn’t unique; the film repeatedly veers into ridiculousness.

At the launch of the fund, a VIP is presented with the sword of Zorro (again with one Z), as if he was an historical figure instead of a FICTIONAL one.

In the old days, you couldn’t show people having sex in movies, so certain visual euphemisms were employed.

That tradition continues in this film. Which was not made fifty years ago.

A shot of a bow wave is used to symbolize a couple having sex.

Thank God. I can only imagine what would happen if people were shown having sex.

Which the woman in that scene (Dada Chen) was, in an earlier scene.

So maybe the male actor objected to doing a sex scene.

With a woman one third his age.

You know what?

That’s why they call it work, cheese whiz. Now drop trou and earn your money.

Like a lot of recent Hong Kong attempts at making a blockbuster,  Z Storm/Z風暴 has all the ingredients, but a really lousy recipe.

The film’s end is horrendous for two related reasons.

One, it features weird footage of smiling, regular people walking on regular streets living regular lives, like something out of a PSA.

Or a propaganda movie.

The people and their way of live are safe because of the selflessness, virtue and righteousness of these government employees.

When your movie reminds me of Super Typhoon, you got a problem.

Speaking of which, the end of the film also trots out a ham-fisted and laughable bid for a sequel, in a style that TVB would be embarrassed to use.

If in fact they were capable of being embarrassed about anything, but I digress.

We didn’t catch him this time, but maybe next time. Next movie. Ha ha.

Guess what folks? The joke’s on us.

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