Movie Review: Speed Angels/極速天使

 More like slow devils.

2012 starts with a resounding thud.

The Gang of Film (電影人幫) even saw Speed Angels/極速天使 at Olympic, since the Dynasty wasn’t going to work.

We all knew this movie was going to be bad, but not this bad.

I could go into excruciating detail, but its really not worth it. Just believe me when I say its a stupendous train wreck and failure.

Imagine stupid + bad + crap x tedious.

I realize only now that my history of hyperbole (!) makes it hard to be taken seriously when I see a really bad film. If you call movies horrible all the time, then when one is really horrible, it doesn’t seem that bad by comparison. 

Speed Angels/極速天使  is really that profoundly bad. 

What little racing there is in the film is all CGI. 

Bad, cheap CGI.

The story, what little of it there is, was probably written by a teenager.

With a head injury.

This movie was so bad that by the end of it, I was literally hitting myself in the face. 

And since it was an inexplicable (and interminable) 118 f@#$ing minutes, my face was very, very sore by the time the credits rolled and I wept with relief.

Only an absolute moron could enjoy Speed Angels/極速天使, and if you’re not, watching it will make you one. 

Don’t take that risk.

I know this review is terribly sparse, but thinking about this piece of shit just makes me angry.

When the Gang of Film (電影人幫) says “We watch movies so you don’t have to,” this is what we mean.