Movie Review: Baby Blues/詭嬰

I watched Baby Blues/詭嬰 at the Dynasty, which is where I had seen the trailer.

---

As I Tweeted before the screening, I watch movies so you don’t have to.

I saw it in 2-D, because it was HK$30.

---

Well, maybe that’s not fair.

$30 to sit in a chair in air conditioning is pretty good deal for Hong Kong.

It would have been better without all that light and noise on that front wall, but it was still cheap.

Baby Blues/詭嬰 is the story of a couple who buy a house  with a really funny looking doll in it.

That’s got a penis on it. 

No, not that doll. This doll.

That doesn’t have a penis. Neither does the doll.

You can tell the doll is evil; it has blue eyes.

Sai gwei lo.

An old homeless man who lives across the street tells them they should move. Do they listen?

Do they f@#$!

They stay in the house, and…

You know what? I’m not gonna expound on the plot.

Because this movie is such a pile of garbage that I refuse to waste any more of my life than I already have.

Baby Blues/詭嬰 is impressive and historic. For all the wrong reasons.

It’s so bad you can’t believe it.

It’s so badly made you can’t stand it.

It’s such a mess you can’t understand it.

I think Baby Blues/詭嬰 is special.

It’s so special they delivered the film to cinemas in a short bus.

I was howling throughout this dramatic clusterf@#$ parading as a movie.

I don’t (usually) mind looking at Kate Tsui, but she’s given absolutely nothing to work with here. It’s hard to bring a character to life when it’s written so poorly.

“Is that your pink dolphin or are you just happy to see me?”

I already knew that Raymond Lam is a lousy actor.

Well, he can act at least as well as he can sing.

He plays the husband of a woman who may be suffering postpartum depression, played by Janelle Sing.

They should have hired Janelle Act.

She portrays mental illness and obsession in utterly comic-book ways, making it impossible to believe in her character,

much less empathize with her.

Irene Wan plays twins in a segment of the movie I can only describe as an expositional belch.

No, I can’t explain it. You just have to believe me.

There were only two decent actors in this whole movie:

Lo Hoi Pang as the crazy old guy who lives across the street (on the sidewalk)

and Katie Cheng, who played the infant.

Katie convinced me. She was GREAT.

The rest of the cast was entertaining only in terms of how horrendously they handled their roles.

But there’s lots of company in the sh*thouse: the writer, the director, the FX people, pretty much everyone except the oldest and the youngest cast members.

They were all right.

Everyone (and everything) else was crap.