How I Got on American Idol
An ex used to tell me that I wasn’t a “real” musician because I didn’t write my own music. I agreed because I didn’t even believe I was good enough to have a supportive boyfriend - how could I possibly be confident enough to believe in my own music? Low self-confidence can be detrimental to anyone, especially if they’ve had a case of this since they were young. I still deal with the affects of having low self-confidence, but I’ve learned how to be less mean to myself. It took almost thirty years to get to a healthy state of mind.
When I was still dating that guy, I truly believed that it was my fate to teach music - not perform. I ended up teaching for fourteen years before I lost all of my patience. When I was little, I had to earn my lessons. We found the most affordable teacher in the area, and I used to rollerblade to my lessons every week. I practiced for years on a cheap plastic keyboard with broken buttons. When I was old enough to work, I paid for my own lessons and still practiced for hours every day.
In my community back home, it is stereotypical and mostly true for kids to be forced to take music lessons. How could I possibly continue teaching students who were forced to be there? My deep love for the art of music was strong, but I can’t instill passion into someone. I had to stop teaching because I couldn’t do it anymore. I’m sorry to the students who actually wanted to learn, and I’m sorry for giving up on the students who didn’t want to learn. I’m thankful for the teachers who have the patience and motivation to continue educating students. I know it’s not easy.
I started to realize that I was suppressing my passion for music to fulfill my teaching career. The more I suppressed my love for music, the stronger it subconsciously grew. Towards the end of my teaching years, I explored my options - that included breaking up with that ex and telling him to move out of my house. I picked up where I left off after I won Taiwan Idol and got signed to a major label in the US.
[to be continued]
KEYBOARD | @kurzweilmusic
LOOPER | @ehx
PHOTO | @alden_fukushimaphotos
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