HOW I GOT ON AMERICAN IDOL [continuing from last post]
I stopped singing covers while I went on a songwriting rampage. I ended up writing over 200 original songs in two months in the process of rediscovering my voice. It was 2015, and by then, I had almost given up on the singing TV shows. I stood in lines with 10,000+ hopefuls for days at a time, flew across the country for a few of those auditions, and auditioned for them every year for ten years straight only to hear them tell me, “no” every time. At most of those auditions, they asked me to sing four songs before they would reject me, so I always thought I was this close?? to making it. Never let hope die.
However, my already low self-confidence would drive me into a downward spiral - “I wasn’t talented enough. I wasn’t skinny enough. I wasn’t American enough. I wasn’t good enough.” After a discouraging ten years of failed attempts and auditions, that small ounce of hope in me still wanted to be on a singing show as a solo artist. My compromised self-confidence needed the approval that maybe I AM a “real” musician. I didn’t believe in myself, and hundreds of thousands of followers and hundreds of millions of views (#facts) couldn’t fix that. This is just one of the many negative affects that result from a girl with low self-confidence.
There was a rumor going around that it would last season of American Idol on FOX. I thought there would be no way I would get on the show. They rejected me for ten years straight... so why would it be any different this year? By the time I auditioned for that season, I had been scouted for several years. The term, “scouted” lost its meaning for me after the first few years. I would go to these auditions thinking that I might have had a higher chance since it was an invitation. I’d show up, sing a bunch of cover songs, make it to the round right before they air you, get rejected, and cry in my car.
... so I showed up to the American Idol audition in an oversized sweater, leggings, combat boots, untamed hair, and no makeup. I didn’t even have a song prepared.
[to be continued]
KEYBOARD | @kurzweilmusic
PHOTO | @alden_fukushimaphotos
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