Random Trivia - Early 90's computer geek humour

I found this collecting dust in the basements of my PC. For your amusement...

For the people in need of help when installing new software. It's a bit outdated but who knows, might still work ;)

HOW TO INSTALL SOFTWARE ON YOUR COMPUTER..

1. Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that

explains what kind of computer system you need to run the software. It

should look something like this:

SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS

2386 PROCESSOR OR HIGHER

628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM

719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE

3546 MB RAM

432323 MB ROM

05948737 MB RPM ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM

         NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions

 on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a

3.5-inch floppy diskette or a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says:

LICENSING AGREEMENT:

By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide by all the terms

and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as

the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of

the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and

conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary

and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's home and examine

the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel

like it, take it or leave it, until death do us part, one nation

indivisible, by the dawn's early light,....finders keepers, losers weepers,

thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child),

please install this on my computer."5. If you have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the

appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.6. Turn the computer on, you idiot.7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.8. You will hear grinding and whirring noises for awhile, after which the

following message should appear on your screen:

The installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be

the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be

honest:

+-------+ +--------+ | YES | | SURE | +-------+ +--------+9. After you make your selection, you will hear grinding and whirring for a

very long time while the installation program does God knows what in there.

Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that

when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new

device, such as a food processor. At the very least, the installation

program will create many new directories, sub-directories,

sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of

mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display

the following message:

CONGRATULATIONS The installation program cannot think of anything else to do

to your computer and has grown bored. You may now attempt to run your

software. If you experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia,

shortness of breath, nasal discharge, or intestinal parasites, you should

immediately!@!$)$%@&^)$*!#$_$.11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than

the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the

package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you,

in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.