alone in the big city.

standing on a crowded bus. crying my eyes out. maybe i don't belong in taiwan. i'm doing something that i absolutely love to do here. but then the most important part of my life retrogresses. the whole reason for writing songs and pursuing a singing career is to heal this wound that i've been carrying since middle school. but i'm starting to find that my happiness here doesn't right any wrongs for anyone else and hence can't fix the real problem. i mean i love music. but music doesn't mean a thing if i don't have my family.

it's kind of funny because the last time i was crying on a bus was in 8th grade. that's when this whole mess of a life started. ever since that day i gradually, s l o w l y came to terms with what life had presented to me and i guess i just wanted to believe that everyone was improving alongside. i guess not. because here i am again at the beginning. wishing that things could be different. knowing that a part of me will never be the same. and despising the fact that once i step off this bus i'll never be able to go back.

it's amazing. my dad my mom and my sister, the three most important people in the world to me are by chance within the confines of this tiny little city that i'm living in.. and yet we'll never be able to all be together.

you'd figure that ten years of torment would be enough. when will it ever end?