Unnamed Friend's KiwiFRUIT Disaster

Last night, Jeremy and I dropped off John at the in-laws' and went to a party at Unnamed Friend's house. He's a bona-fide privacy freak, so out of respect for his wishes, I won't publish his name here. He's a single guy, just turned 33, and recently bought a home in one of Cincinnati's historic neighborhoods.

Jeremy and I took a gander around while UF (a vegan) made some "cheese" dip. We were lusting after the beautiful wood door jambs and three floors plus full basement. (We're hoping to move to a larger home closer to the city in a few years). It's a true bachelor pad--no soap or towels in the downstairs bathroom. And that john had the oddest feature--a louvered linen closet door that opened onto the front porch's beveled glass windows! So, if you get another roll of toilet paper, you might just flash someone....

Anyway, the reason for this blog's title...we were discussing hallucinogens and UF said, "You know what really makes you trip? A rotten kiwi." I don't know what posessed him to eat a rotten kiwi, but it made him drive to the ER, only half coherent. He told the admissions clerk, "I think I have food poisoning." Her response: "What makes you think someone's trying to poison your food?" I would say "Only in Cincinnati," but I know it isn't true...

Not many people showed up for the party, but that was actually good. Sometimes intimate gatherings are the best ones.  Jeremy's sister, her fiancee, and a couple of hubby and UF's school friends. One, a guy from Lebanon with a quick wit, left briefly to help someone get a dishwasher out of a car. Go figure. This same guy brought UF a birthday gift--"Our Dumb World" from The Onion. Score! The geniuses at The Onion ragging on every state and every country.

Soon Jeremy's sister left, making me the only female. Insert reverse-harem joke here, even funnier since I'm six months pregnant. I started reading The Onion book to myself, and the conversation turned to people the boys went to school with. I would dip back in to the conversation at random intervals--"Who lives in Vegas now? Who won't return your emails?"

A fine time had by all...and special thanks to my NZ sister Jaine, for whose sake I specified KiwiFRUIT....