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Mark Allen
Director , Screenwriter , Composer
542,311 views| 255  Posts

Do Someone a Favor: Hurt Them

People so often cause more trouble by trying to be kind than just being honest.  People fear communicating the truth - especially when it hurts.

A friend fell in love with a boy who is really too much of a player - something she didn't understand because they'd never communicated about it  So when she started showing her desire to be his girlfriend, he backed away - but instead of saying "this will never work" - he didn't want to hurt her feelings probably and said "Maybe someday we can be together."  So she is waiting in pain. 

It's scary to be the one to hurt someone, but it's the right thing to do sometimes.  Sometimes you need to hurt someone and feel bad about it in order to free them (and yourself).

Time and time again it seems like the problems people talk to me about are all simple miscommunication where one person is afraid to tell someone the truth. 

Do not value words more than action.  Whatever is the the reality - is the REALITY.  Not what people are telling you is the reality.

If you have a hard time figuring out what is real - here is a little exercise.  Let's do the example like you're this girl.

Ask yourself where you are right now - where he is right now.

You:  home alone, sad.

Him:  with some other girl.

Now - just because he says "Maybe some day."  Means nothing.  He's just too afraid to watch you cry.  So, since he has no courage, you'll just have to do the work yourself and believe the reality vs. the fantasy.

This works with many things.  Look at yourself and what you're doing right now.  Is it not correlating with your perception of reality?

Your own first impression:  I'm a writer.

What you're doing right now:  Watching TV because I'm tired after working at the day job all day.

So - are you a writer or a TV watcher?  You're a TV watcher!

Anyway - do people a favor now and then and hurt them.

over 14 years ago 0 likes  20 comments  0 shares
Photo 22991
yes i got done a favour and got hurt real badly.....but anyhow, the gal of my ex-crush surprisingly didn't turn out very spectacular and she saw my wedding photo appearing on the website....heh
over 14 years ago
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OMG!!!.....That is so well said!!!.....
over 14 years ago
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Interesting that I was being sucked into a similar talk earlier. This older woman has been having trouble with her adult sibling and mother who both developed a pattern of relying on her to come through. This woman is 'afraid' to express herself (her anger) b/c she's afraid of hurting them. In fact, the sister isn't hurt especially when she is expressing her own anger at this woman. Anyhoo, it's best to express yourself or all the suppressed rage, depression, etc can manifest into something else (like cancer). Admittedly, it's hard to be tactful sometimes. In the case of your friend, perhaps if the guy was so chicken about being honest, he could've done it non-verbally but cutting off any ties. If someone likes you enough, he/she would let you know somehow.
over 14 years ago

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April 13, 2007