for you, a letter of departure.

for you, a letter of departure.

i'm embarassed by how i sound when i really, really cry. the miserable sound kept me awake since i noticed the dawn peeking through my window. after forcing in almost an hour of sleep, i used another hour to push myself out of bed, resilient as my body seemed to collapse in its original place. i search my face for the sunken slits i call eyes that have been drunk with misery from the wee hours of early morning. i hate that i have recently realized that i was still waiting for you and that i was too scared to move on. you have made it quite clear by the uneasy yet deliberate silence between us that i was wasting my time. i have always known you have been cleansing in the filth of dirty women, yet you still reiterated the lie that the ball was in my court when it came to the joke of a question, 'you and i.' though i can see you and i understand, it doesn't excuse the "it didn't mean anything's" and the damage it has caused. the closure and finale of this 'piece of shit story,' of this psuedo relationship, this roller coaster-heartbreak, is a birthday present a shy week away. you successfully and single-handedly destroyed a large part of me without even trying. thank you for the truth, the closure, and thicker skin, as well as reminder that the ones i trust and care about can rob me as easily as the ones who are transparent. Like I've said before, with time comes healing, and things will be normal again....but for now, through my glassy vision, as i compose this piece of shit letter, all i can see is red.

until then.