Official Artist
Joe Fiorello
Actor , Director , Screenwriter
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Almost got mugged... by squirrels!

Hey people, I know I've been a little behind with blogging and I know you've all been chomping at the bit to hear more of my exploits back in NYC. 

So for the last week and a half I've been calling the Lower East Side homebase while staying in the city.  For those of you unfamiliar with Manhattan's Lower East Side, watch Scorcese's Gangs of New York and you'll get an idea of how LES looked like 150 years ago.

It's much safer now.... or so I thought.  I go walking one day out of my building and down a walk way toward the subway.  Suddenly I see a squirrel standing there right in the middle of the sidewalk.  It's looking at me from the corner of his eye.  Now just to make sure there's no misunderstanding here, maybe you're thinking squirrel is some kind of NYC gang slang or something... here's what I'm talking about.

This isn't the squirrel that was standing on the sidewalk, just a pic I took much later to give you a visual idea of what I'm talking about.  Cute, cuddly looking, occasional carriers of rabies.... usually suspicious of humans enough to scurry when humans walk towards them.  But not this guy.  He's standing there just staring at me. 

So I take a few more steps thinking he'll run for the tree or something.  No dice, he turns directly towards me and takes a few steps closer.  It's then that I realize that there's a second squirrel slickly wandering over from a bush toward me on the side.  The second squirrel is staring at me too.  It's then that I get this sinking feeling... that this isn't just some coincidence. 

I start noticing that these squirrels are eyeballing me up and down... like they're casing me out.  I think "Oh shit!"  Maybe they're harmless little squirrels, but maybe they've gone crazy with rabies... or worse.... maybe they're eyeballing my valuables.

I turn around to see if the coast is clear to make a run in the other direction and, sure enough, there's a third squirrel coming out of the brush right behind me.  They have me surrounded.  Shit!  What do I do?  I figure maybe if I show no fear and bolt forward, the two squirrels will just run out of the way.  I try it.  They don't get out of the way.  They start running right towards me! 

I run in the the other direction, thinking better to have to fight off one squirrel than two squirrels.  He's coming for me too.  Another second and I'm right about to jump over a fence into the "stay off this grass" grass to try to find some safeground there, but it occurs to me, heading for grass and trees to runaway from squirrels?  That's like purposely running into a dark alley to get away from thugs.  I'm cornered and screwed.

Suddenly a couple of old timers start walking down the pathway... witnesses!  yes!  Muggers aren't going to attack when they know there's people there to witness the whole thing and call the cops. 

Once they see the old timers, the squirrel's run off.  3 on 3 is better odds than 3 on 1 and we have the size advantage.  I breathe out a sigh of relief and thank the guys... well I didn't really thank the guys, I just muttered how I've never had squirrels just gang up on me like that. 

What can I say?  The Lower East Side can be a tough neighborhood.  New York can be a tough city.  And with me shivering, still trying to get used to the New York cold after leaving the warmth of Hong Kong, I can only imagine those squirrels must have smelled "tourist" from a mile away.  Easy pickings in a mugger's world.

So next time you're visiting NYC, passing by a patch of green... try to walk in groups.  Because the squirrels are out there... and they're out to get your nuts.

over 10 years ago 0 likes  6 comments  0 shares
Photo 293046
Yup it's pretty cold the past few days~windy too Nice sharing~^^ lower-east side near houston st ?? Cheers ya~
over 10 years ago
Photo 154456
LOL were you carrying a bag of peanut M & M's or a Snickers Bar???
over 10 years ago
Photo 344463
hahaha...you can make an animated movie outa this LOL
over 10 years ago
I had something similar happen. Minding my own business at the park and this squirrel wouldn't let me leave! I finally offered it a pretzel (I had a bag on me). It snatched the pretzel and took off! Squirrel gang requiring bribes apparently... =O
over 10 years ago
Rottendoubt a4 patrick
were you feeding them? or were you holding food?
over 10 years ago
Photo 476499
how funny!
over 10 years ago


Actor, screenwriter, director from New York and now bringing my flavor to Hong Kong

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October 5, 2009

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