大强正專 #3 -- The Story of Dai Keung #3 (It's PERSONAL now)

OK.  Enough's enough.  Now it's personal.

A few more nights have gone by.  Same thing each night.  DK comes, DK hangs around, we stare each other down, DK leaves.  Dez goes to bed frustrated and fearful that DK will bring a hundred friends and swarm his head.

Anyway, you guys have been GREAT and have made lots of good suggestions, including:

1.  Glue trap -- I like this idea since DK can be preserved whole and I will have a trophy at the end of it, much liked a taxidermied animal head.  Unfortunately, I went to the local supermarket but it did not sell glue traps.

2.  "Freeze" spray -- I don't like bug spray, which may contain harmful substances even if most of them no longer contain DDT.  I was told tonight that an aerosol dust cleaner turned upside down sprays out a jet of freezng liquid that can temporarily freeze large bugs in their tracks.  Alas, I don't have an aerosol dust cleaner at home b/c I just clean my computer with a vacuum cleaner.

Since neither of the options above were available, I chose option #3:

The Amazing Fly Gun or, as I like to call it, The Super Roach Killer 2000 ("TSRK 2000").


I have included a remote control to give size perspective.


I bought this neat little contraption in Singapore a few years ago  and dug it up out of the closet.  This weapon is like a little Texan lady's handgun -- you buy it for protection but the thing never sees any real action.  It's a simple device -- the trigger is spring-loaded and you shoot a rubber web that crushes harmful pests between the web and a hard surface.

Well, I said TSRK 2000 hadn't seen action before...UNTIL TONIGHT.

I came back to the house at 11:15pm and DK was right there in his usual spot.  He was further out in the open than usual for this time of night so without even washing my hands (which is always the first thing I do when coming home), I went straight to my gun locker.  I had been practicing the last few nights with TSRK 2000.  After all, I knew I would only get one shot per night so I needed to use my chances wisely.

I lined up DK in my little rubber web-o-death and KA-POW!!!  I hit him nice and square and saw his limp body fall into the recycling bin.  Although I got him good, I knew DK is protected by a solid exoskeleton, which means I most likely only stunned him and did not kill him.

I acted quickly.  I snapped on a rubber glove and proceeded to fish his body out of my graveyard of used bottles and containers so that I could either kill him properly or, better yet, capture him LIVE!  However, the moment I grasped one of his legs, my worst fear was confirmed -- DK had been stunned, had fainted, but he wasn't dead!!!

Before I knew it, he twitched back to life (horror!) like MJ in Thriller and crawled deeper into my 19L recycling bin.  I picked up the closest empty bottle I could find and started to hammer the crap out of him.  Alas, DK was quick on his feet (literally) and scurried down where I couldn't reach him.  I knew I didn't have much time...

I started moving other bottles and whacked and whacked and whacked but couldn't get a clean shot.  Next thing I knew, DK came out of the recycling bin and crawled back underneath the washer/dryer.

OK.  I know what you guys are thinking at this point.  What's wrong with this guy?  Why is he such a wuzz?  It's just a bug.  WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

The big deal is that American cockroaches fly like B2 bombers.  In flight, they look like mini-vampire bats.  I was traumatized one time while taking a shower when an American cockroach flew into my bathroom.  You can imagine how vulnerable I felt as I tried to get him out of the bathroom, wearing not so much as a pair of skivvies.

Basically, I am afraid of these guys b/c if they go airborne, they can fly straight for my face and get lodged in my mouth or hair or something.  And roaches are, in a word, disgusting.

Anyway, I got him.  But he got away.  ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

For the cynics out there, I have included two photos taken two nights ago -- DK is real.  DK is big.  DK has disgusting legs.

Yes, cockroaches are the masters of evolutionary science.  But I guarantee you man will truimph at the end of this saga.

Until next time, my friends...


See why it's hard to get him?  He is off the edge of the washing machine by just inches and it's hard to even get 1/4 of my flip-flop near him.  To his bottom right, just beside the silver thing (my fridge) is the recycling bin.



Click to enlarge this pic -- the details on his legs will make you want to puke.