belgium 1sep 1210

So here I am back to my home in Belgium, my get away palace, my shelter…. Life has been upside down for the past 6 months and I’ve been ripped open and hallowed… things are great here but this is still a real world, seeing Opa and oma getting old and deteriorating is devastating. This is when I wish I speak more Flemish so that at least I can understand them even more… I used to be their sunshine, being at their yesterday again was not the same….. I’ve changed, they have changed…. I tried soooo hard to swallow my tears, tears I had for myself, and for them. I was ‘lucky’ that they dun see that well… so as long as I had my typical Disney smile from eye to eye on my face, they seemed to have overlook the tears on my cheeks…. Lord, I prayed that in my heart yesterday, yes I want everything goes back the way it used to for my life , but if by giving up what I desired the most can get Opa and Oma’s lives better, and they can enjoying the remaining years with your blessing…. I’d do that….. welll I mean… who am I to bargain with you lord. Plus I’ve already lost what I wanted the most for my life, how can I give you something that I don’t have anymore…. But lord…. I don’t know…. Opa and Oma are Catholics, they are your children too, lord please take care of them… all I could do yesterday was just holding them and tell them that I love them. And show Oma my cross…. Lord… please bless the family …