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Searching for "ME"

I have been missing for pass 3 years. Busy with works, family, health issue. Things are back to back and were pack until one got no time to sit down and what left is loosing yourself to the busy routine everyday. 

Thanks to the bad economy, not much work, purely quotation then things just MIA, so purely sitting around at home. thinking how long am i able to sustain with current situation. But also made me to realise, where have the old "ME" gone? I miss the she, you know? The young "me" who use to like taking photo journal. Recording everyday life. 

Is the matter of aging? Where does all the energy and excitement gone? Where is all the curiousity and adventure gone? Is aging or is the reality? What is the purpose of living?

While i gone missing, there were up and downs. Looking back now, life has been super drama. Heart broken, betrayal, trust, then forgiveness, move on, fight for future, then all in a sudden halt when my mom felt down and broke her pelvis, cancer treatment, surgery, angiogram and radio therapy.

The story does not end there. Many incidents overlapped and actually happened at once. Finding out a close one going backrupt, then all my brain juice goes to finding solution on how to help them overcome the situation, how to sustain, bad timing when the econ is so bad, payment is not coming in. In additional with some emotional seasonnning, trust, worried, devastated, fear, questions, why???

When too many bad things happen, a good news really help to push the dark cloud away. I finally gets my key to after years of waiting. *Take a deep breath*, but it come at a bad timing where i can't find a tenant, started to pay loan installment while i am running out of money. So now adding some oil onto the fire. 

After all that had happen, i realize.... nothing could predict and goes as planned. Too many uncontrolled aspect that could just jump in and interrupted everything. Even after every time you try to do your best, if faith planned it, there is no way you could escape. 

Every cloud have a silver lining, the sun finally shine on me. I can feel the warm light touching my skin, but my positive vibe has been almost drain out in my body and soul. I need time to recharge and also how can i absorb more natural power to heal my tired soul. 

Dear god, I seems to gain some insight after i wrote this down. Thanks god for taking care of me. ^^

about 4 years ago 0 likes  0 comment  0 shares


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