My blog
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Like a Pigeon
Monday, Mar 31, 2008 12:45PM / Standard Entry / Members only
The urge of going home is stronger then ever. Here in the city of broken dreams you walk as a shell. Thick and hard on the outside but what lies inside is unexplainable. You really have to walk it to know it. Some call it darkness, loneliness, and bitterness. I call it chicken shit, anti-social, and just plain lazy. Yeah that’s me. I realize that part of me while residing here. My "passion" and motivation seems to diminish everyday.
Maybe it’s a sign for change.
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These network meetings, these social gatherings seem to have all the same meaing. All in hopes to get LAID! And if your wondering if I’ve been successful at it the answer is no! If I was I wouldn’t be here writing and venting. I could assume the same goes for you too huh? Hehe. Sorry off topic. Anyways I don’t regret the "artist" life here. I had some great moments and learned a lot from the industry. But like a homing pigeon my urge to be with family and comfort is kicking in. Have you ever seen a pigeon being release only to test if it can find its way back home? Will it goes something like this. Breeders and owners of pigeons (particularly Homers) would release their birds at some distance location testing the birds flight and speed in search of which one will be the fastest to reach home with the quickest time. When the birds are first release they fly in a circle. They fly around and around about 3-5 times in the air before they choose a direction in which they believe is the right direction to home, and before you know it they disappear into the distance.
I admire Pigeons. I use to raise them. Right now I feel like I’m going in circles, not really heading to one direction yet. My urge and longing to be home is great and I’m finding every excuse to head home. That’s why I call myself lazy and chicken-shit. But don’t get me wrong I don’t hate myself, it’s because I know myself. Will at least at this point I think I know myself. Let just say I like Money and I’m thinking of dating younger girls……..did that raise an eyebrow?
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Where I am now
Friday, Dec 28, 2007 12:48PM / Standard Entry / Members only
Do you really wanna know where I am?? You don't, will i'll tell you anyways. I'm currently at a friends house waiting to head up for the Fresno New Year, of course already I heard the weather is bad this weekend...cold, rain...this time of season sucks. So, here i am typing away while they are getting ready. Hmm, I should of stop by my co-workers place to grab a few drinks and laughs, i'm sure they are all have a blast. errrrrrr. So where am I now? I mean in Life. Hmm, lets see, still working at BCBG doing payroll, working 10hrs shift including some weekends..oh yeah lets not forget I also have to work holidays too...errrr...I guess the only thing that is keeping here is my lease..haha. Funny how things turn out I'm actually ready to come back home. I miss my house, my mama's food, my dog. Geeze, LA sucks! it's only good if you have money to spend and people to spend it with. Oh wellz. My new years goals are: as they were before. 1-To join some kind of fittness gym, 2-make more movies, 3-make more money! later
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The ritual
Thursday, Nov 22, 2007 12:49PM / Standard Entry / Members only
Stepping off the plane and on to MN soil brings me memories both happy and sad. It was a weird feeling it felt as if I never left and everything was the same, yet things has somehow changed since I've been gone. I couldn't explain the feelings and thoughts. I was just glad to be home again. Of course as luck my bring it, it was snowing but that's okay caused I miss that too, well sort of...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />After having Thanks Giving at a cousin's house I did the regular routine of visiting my brother and sister. It was great seeing all of them again and to see how much my nephews and nieces have grown. Makes me wonder if I will ever have ones of my own, scary thought huh? But hey I am starting to accept it as apart of life, I guess in some odd way you aren't fully full as a person if you don't have kids of your own. I know many might think this is a traditional way of thinking but it is also a very humanistic instinct. .
This year like other years my mother made me do the "tswb-kab" (don't know if that's the correct spelling) again. Every year around this time the man of the house would have to make another "tswb-kab" for the coming New Year, to bring in luck and good fortune to the family. I once oppose to this cause in reality only "married" men with kids were the ones who would participate in this ritual, not single and inexperience guys like me On top of that this was my fathers house and not mine. But since my father passed away about 5 years ago my mother had always made me do it, and like a good son I did. And like other years I would always complain about how unnecessary this was right now, and with the same reply from my mother and persuasion that since we had already started it wouldn't be right to just stop one year, so I had to obey. The only difference this year was that I didn't complain about it like the others. I'm actually happy, I miss the rituals I miss the gathering and I miss my role as one of my father sons. Most important I am starting to know myself a little bit more and I guess that is a good thing for me right now.
The crazy thing about this "tswb-kab" thing is that my mother and I don't really know the correct way of doing it. I laugh at ourselves every time because every year we would ask the same questions like: how did we do it? What do we say? Etc… but we are bonding and that's the most important part of this ritual.
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The Ice House
Thursday, Aug 16, 2007 12:49PM / Standard Entry / Members only
Okay,
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So tonight I went to support my former roommate Drew at one of his stand-up shows at The Ice House in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />
Most of the acts were okay, you get a couple of chuckle and laughs every now and then (me being one of the loudest). But for some weird reason the topic that night seems to be about "Asians" (not all acts were). As soon as I started to pick up on that vibe I didn't know how I was going to react to the jokes. I admit I am a strong advocate of Asian empowerment but tonight was different. I laugh at the jokes and enjoyed it. The strange thing was that most none Asian attendees didn't laugh as much and you can hear a couple of woo's and gasp. I didn't really know what to think of it. Apart of me wanted to stop and get angry but apart of me just wanted to laugh it off and say "It's true, Oh! It's so true"!
After the show while driving home I started to analyze my reactions. I came to the conclusion that because these comedians were so honest yet sincere about their jokes on Asians, I have was okay with it and laughed along. There were a couple of Asian comedians, which I'm very proud of and were fun to watch, but what tops it off is having another race talk about your race and to see if from there views. The most important part which made me enjoyed the humors was that they weren't bashing on me being Asian but them and their own ignorance. You can also feel that they have at least experience or have close friends who are Asians who they can relate to. A comedian who uses stereotypes just to get a couple of laughs without really having to understand the stereotype is pure green in the game of stand-up, I believe. It also raises the questions that maybe we take ourselves a bit too serious sometimes. I also like to add that what happens in the club stays at the club and doesn't go beyond that, a true professional could understand that. I enjoyed it and encourage those of you, who haven't yet, to attend a stand-up show in your local area, you never know you could be the next great laugh!
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Alone
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 12:50PM / Standard Entry / Members only
First off I want to thank you for taking your time to read my rant and rave section here on myspace. I know most of you have tons of other things you rather do but you decided to invest what little time you have to see what I'm blogging about. So here it goes.
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You may question why I title this blog "Alone". Will it speaks for its self doesn't it. I am Alone, or I feel alone, etc…
No this isn't a poem or some creative writing I'm trying to express. It's just me at this very moment on how I feel. As most of you may know already I had moved to LA about a year and a ½ ago. My original plan was to pursue film/t.v. Will I did, not fully but I did. I've been on some great sets, met a few stars, see how the productions work. Lately I have hit a lump on my journey. That lump is "Time", will at least I think it is. Time, darn…how to explain it. I know that to make it out in this industry it's Time and perseverance and a whole lot of luck. Which I don't mind doing but coming to think of it I have other aspiration and dreams I want to follow as well.
For one, I want to buy my mom a house; to be there for her and provide. Apart of me wants to settle down (Can't believe I just said that) and start a family, but with this type of work it would be too difficult and I wouldn't want to put anyone through it. Lastly, the more I see how this field works the more I dislike it. Because there is so much politics involved, bias, and unfairness, but hey that's how it is out here. Oh yeah to top it off LA life is expensive!! To go anywhere will cost you something. The living environment isn't all that great either. It's junky, crowded and the people here are ruthless. Hey! try to understand where I'm coming from alright I'm from MN originally hehe. Anyways I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm kind of fed up with it all. Sure there are lots to do here, tons of places to see, beautiful people (most of them shallow as hell) and full of culture. But I miss home, I miss my family and I miss my community. Oh yeah about community…errr. So far, most, not all but most of the Hmong people here (especially the girls) down here in SoCal are one of a kind. Let me tell you. They don't really have the sense of community and most of them lack common sense. Maybe the sun is a bit too bright here. Now I'm not bashing on SoCal Hmong girls but so far the ones I met are either too high class (so they think) or have lost their self-image and culture that they don't even know how to talk to a Hmong guy anymore. Now you may be wondering if I had tried to hit on them…let me tell you this…N-ger Please! Hmong girls in MN are by far way better. The only reason why I would approach them is because they are Hmong, and I feel comfortable But I guess I might be jumping the gun too soon to make quick judgments about them, but you know what they say, "The first impression Counts". Have I try other non-Hmong girls? Sure at work! hehehe, I'm chasing one right now, but that is on the D.L.
Aside from that LA is okay. I wouldn't want to live here the rest of my life, sure it's great while your young and bold and dangerous, but eventually I want to come back home. Although thinking about the snow makes my teeth cringe I might consider GA or S.C where some of my family lives, although there isn't much there is there?
So question for you folks who took your time to read my rant, should I stay or should I go? And by go I mean back home. I kind of made up my mind already but I want to hear from you.
