This is what I have been told. I feel a little sad hearing that because I have been striving and always been proud to be just me. I know I have many flaws but I am happy to be just myself.

People recognizes me as an apple - an open book with nothing to hide. I usually can share everything about me with anyone and I rarely have anything really to worry about. I go by the every day motto - if I live happily today, I'll be doing well tomorrow.

Recently, I started to feel that I am not as open as I used to be. There are things that I don't want to talk about and there are things that I don't want to share. My life has become much more complicated and these days I feel that I am not being truthful and are hiding some facts away from others. I start to feel that I am no longer myself. I start to feel that I am losing my character.

I am struggling... If I am going to be myself again, I would need to take the courage to spill so much about the part of me that has been hiding in the closet. I don't know if I am ready yet or if I ever will be ready. If not, can I accept myself to be the new me and start growing layers outside of the real me.

My dear friends, even with this post, I am only limiting to my super close friends instead of sharing my blogs to the world... what should I do?

It's been a while since I last wrote, been busy and searching for new topics to write about. I had an interesting conversation with my friend about wanting someone because you really have feelings for someone or is it just physical attraction? Is it possible that when you get instant attraction, you just want to satisfy the physical need rather than wanting someone to share your life with?

A lot of people said men are only going after physical intimacy, and that's why many books would remind women that you should hold it as long as possible so as to keep the guy. The question is does it really make a difference for a girl to hold out? I believe it is more about the guy's characteristic and mentality than anything to do with women holding out. If a guy just wants to fool around and not ready to settle down, no matter how long you hold out, the end result is just the same. You may even feel more pain after because you thought he has to be more serious to wait and take the challenge.

How about a guy holding out on physical intimacy? Does that mean he is more serious and respect you more? Or does that mean he is just not that into you? It's hard to say because it could really be any of the options. Love to see guys perspective on this.

Girls, on the other hand, sometimes try to use physical intimacy to win a guy's heart. That for sure doesn't work. They thought by putting yourself out there places you ahead of others. A guy who would take advantage is not a boyfriend material (unless you are also looking just to satisfy your need). A guy who is serious may not be attracted to girls that they feel it's too easy.

It's hard to say if there is a rule, because I truly don't believe so. I have always believe in fate but I would still want to control my destiny. For that, life is too short to draw any conclusions. If you feel like it, go for it with no regret! You just need to be aware of what you get yourself into.

This is a question for guys: If you are having fun hanging out with a girl that you do have positive vibes with and then she made the move, will you be able to resist the temptation regardless of your status? Be honest to your answer!! I have heard and seen many stories about guys ended up not able to resist the opportunity even though they knew for sure that it will not be more than just some physical intimacy and not likely to turn to become a serious relationship. To me, that is like fast food home delivery - easy, fast and convenient...but without the quality.

This is the story of my friend (which I hope he doesn't get mad of me blogging about him). He has a girl that he likes for over a year but they are only still friends. He doesn't think the girl is ready for a relationship and he is slowly and patiently waiting for the girl, because he knows that he is the next in line. Then, he met another girl in a party. She started flirting with him and being quite proactive in letting him know about her interests and intention. Shortly after, "things happened". I asked my friend if that means he is no longer interested in the girl he was attracted to for over a year, he said this new girl has no significance in his life but it was just easy and convenient. Yes, it is just like fast food home delivery. It doesn't mean he is still not longing for the nice elegant gourmet meal.

So girls, if you don't want to be the fast food but the gourmet meal, you have to be careful of not letting yourself to become one. I do believe moments of sparks and passion exist, and it's hard to tell sometimes whether this is just a quick satisfaction of hunger or it is a tasteful 8-course dinner. One thing for sure though, anything that comes too easy and fast do not fit into the definition of a gourmet meal. Unless you are also looking for the exact same thing, then ENJOY and not look back and don't feel hurt at the end.

"When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. I saw this happen today as the sun went down. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! No herons, no distant music, not even the taste of his lips. How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly?

Life moves very fast. It rushes us from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds.”

This is an excerpt from the novel I am reading now called “Eleven Minutes” by Paulo Coelho. This is not a book review even though it is beautifully written yet posing us to think and feel the darker side of this world, I actually want to focus on the heaven vs hell feeling. We don’t know what happiness means unless we feel sadness. We don’t know how powerful love could be until we feel how love can tear us apart. We won’t be fully embracing the taste of success until we fall and fail. While sometimes you feel you are on the top of the world, the next second you felt like you are drowning into the deepest part of the ocean.

There are many of us who would want to protect ourselves so that we don’t get hurt as much and so we just don’t give out as much. Or when you had experienced the feeling of going to hell, you are more reluctant to put yourself out there and go through that whole process again. I still believe in order to live your life fully which you have limited time, you have to fully embrace what life has to offer and be out there to experience. Yes, heaven and hell can be seconds apart but at least you know how it feels like to be in heaven which of course it’s a wonderful feeling that no words can describe.

When you do drop to the lowest point of your life, how do you get up? Where do you get the strength of putting your feet down on the ground and stand up and face the world again? How do you move on completely and feel the road ahead of you is just going to be brighter? Some takes days, some takes months, some takes years and some may say there is always a part of him/her be broken.

To me, that’s just part of our life experience. We can feel vulnerable, lost and wonder why things can’t happen exactly the way you plan but the rewards and satisfaction of what life has to offer makes it all worth it.

This is the excerpt from Eleven Minutes that got me thinking about this topic.

“I spend today outside a funfair. I stood for a long time by the roller coaster, and I noticed that most people get on it in search of excitement, but that once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop. What do they expect? Having chosen adventure, shouldn’t they be prepared to go the whole way? Or do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, going round and round on the spot?”

"When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. I saw this happen today as the sun went down. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! No herons, no distant music, not even the taste of his lips. How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly?

 Life moves very fast. It rushes us from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds.”

This is an excerpt from the novel I am reading now called “Eleven Minutes” by Paulo Coelho. This is not a book review even though it is beautifully written yet posing us to think and feel the darker side of this world, I actually want to focus on the heaven vs hell feeling. We don’t know what happiness means unless we feel sadness. We don’t know how powerful love could be until we feel how love can tear us apart. We won’t be fully embracing the taste of success until we fall and fail. While sometimes you feel you are on the top of the world, the next second you felt like you are drowning into the deepest part of the ocean.

There are many of us who would want to protect ourselves so that we don’t get hurt as much and so we just don’t give out as much. Or when you had experienced the feeling of going to hell, you are more reluctant to put yourself out there and go through that whole process again. I still believe in order to live your life fully which you have limited time, you have to fully embrace what life has to offer and be out there to experience. Yes, heaven and hell can be seconds apart but at least you know how it feels like to be in heaven which of course it’s a wonderful feeling that no words can describe.

When you do drop to the lowest point of your life, how do you get up? Where do you get the strength of putting your feet down on the ground and stand up and face the world again? How do you move on completely and feel the road ahead of you is just going to be brighter? Some takes days, some takes months, some takes years and some may say there is always a part of him/her be broken.

To me, that’s just part of our life experience. We can feel vulnerable, lost and wonder why things can’t happen exactly the way you plan but the rewards and satisfaction of what life has to offer makes it all worth it.

This is the excerpt from Eleven Minutes that got me thinking about this topic.

“I spend today outside a funfair. I stood for a long time by the roller coaster, and I noticed that most people get on it in search of excitement, but that once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop. What do they expect? Having chosen adventure, shouldn’t they be prepared to go the whole way? Or do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, going round and round on the spot?”