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Viatcheslav Chernov
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6 Songs That Have Accidentally Killed The Mood For Me

We've all done it: we're in our apartment, with someone eagerly awaiting us on the bed, but our roommates are home.  No time for a playlist and you forgot to make one anyway, so, quick, throw on the shuffle function on your computer's MP3 player!  That'll be fine!

No!  No it won't!

Long, bitter frustrating experience has taught me that all MP3 playback programs are specially designed to insert as much mood-killing music as possible, especially since even the least musically inclined person now owns a massive music library, especially one that tends to reveal their sick sense of humor.  Here are ten songs that my computer has used to c*ckblock me.

Fair warning, a big chunk of these songs are inappropriate for work.

1)  "Head Like a Hole" by Nine Inch Nails.  Come to think of it, pretty much all of Nine Inch Nails, with the possible exception of that weird ambient album.  This one just stands out because this came on and I leaped up from what I was doing, sprinted over to change the song, and tripped, knocking my head on my computer.  On the other hand, when we were over at her house, Metallica's "For Whom The Bell Tolls" started playing.

2)  "She Came On To Me" by John R. Butler.  You might know Butler from his parodies of evangelical country music, which, being something I grew up around, I'm a big fan of.  On the bright side, at least, so far, I've never had any David Allen Coe of "Take This Job and Shove It" fame play.  Yet, anyway.

3) Pretty much anything by Tori Amos, but special mention must go to her version of
"'97 Bonnie and Clyde", which might be the most disturbing song ever performed by a woman.  At least until you dig into more of her catalogue.  I've heard stories about big Tori fans discovering the hard way that her catalogue isn't actually that good for sexytimes.

4)  "Smell" by the Tiger Lillies.  Pretty much anything by the Tiger Lillies, actually.  "Smell" is pretty awful, and that's pretty much the only one I'm willing to link.  Let's just say that they're notably obscene and leave it at that.

5)  "Mr. Spock" by Nerf Herder.  It's both an incredibly nerdy song...and a bitter, hostile break-up song!  Yeah, that's great music for getting it on.  On the bright side, at least it wasn't  "Pervert".

6)  "Dare To Be Stupid" by Weird Al.  Not all Weird Al can completely kill the mood, but this song can be distracting for any number of reasons.  Also, it really doesn't help when she's the one cracking up.

How about you, dear readers?  What songs have ruined your nights of passion?

Alex Wise is a dating coach. His book and work have been featured on television shows such as Dick Clark's "The Other Half" and Lifetime's "Speaking of Women's Health" as well as in Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Complete Woman, MSN Dating & Personals and The Chicago Tribune. Look For Alex online at  loveawake.com.

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