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Valerie Soh
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Vomiting, Politics and Copulation

It really might be the fact that I do a lot more relationship writings and I think more, write more, and observe more about the dynamics between the man and the woman.  But, it literally makes me feel sick, like one of those ‘my-stomach-equals-queasy’ emotions.  Why?  Even though I spend so much time thinking about it, it doesn’t make me more informed about the decisions that we make on a day-to-day basic.  My friend and I have many hated and thought-enlightening conversations trying to dissect the rationale behind our decisions.

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Since I can’t speak for the general population, I will speak for myself.  I came out of a long-term relationship ending it on good terms, but feelings are very difficult to control and as much as I say, ‘I am okay’, I am not.  I still miss him on a daily basis and think about how things could be different.  Yet, a part of me knows that things happen and one can only make best out of a situation.  The question is, if I have spent a good part of my dating life in a relationship composing of sugar, spice and everything nice, dashed with the occasional chili hot peppers, will that make my next relationship even more difficult? By power of deduction, I would say ‘Yes!’ because of my on-going single status.  


Hmmm. This is going to be difficult to explain.  Alright, I asked my students today, “Tell me, what is the purpose of war?” They said things along the lines of revenge, government protection and resource exploitation; all possible answers.  To me, however, I treat it as a government measure to reassure the citizens on their part that events such as the collapse of the World Trade Center would never happen again.  This incident has instilled fear of further terrorist threats in the country.  Whether or not the government has taken appropriate or fitting measures to prevent such an atrocity from reoccurring is a separate question.  Even more importantly, would another 9-11 happen? We say we are scared of nuclear and chemical warfare.  Yet in the United States, on average about 42,000 people die in car crashes and 0 in terrorist attacks each year.  More people die from automobile accidents, medical malpractice and heart diseases than this fear of ‘terrorism’.  This fear is a situational problem concocted from the depths of our minds.  


Leading to the fact that a single event could imprint strong emotions and lead us to construct imaginary mind barriers for how we would conduct future actions.  The way I see it, there are only two results, either it’s fear or it’s expectations.  Just like I came out of a fairy tale relationship, I think I am willing to give any guy a standing chance.  The truth is, due to one singular experience, I may have built an idea or thought about my next relationship.  Just as I have seen friends go through one horrible relationship and swear off the rest, they have been deemed by society as ‘commitment-phobic’.  This term is generally applied to a male stereotype who is unwilling to settle emotionally in a relationship.  Does it necessary mean that this group of males are player-loving, women-hating alcoholic chumps?  Some might be, but generally many are not.  


I am a girl.  Although I maybe not be as interesting, as dramatic, as attention-needy or adorably endearing as my female comrades, I know we can be very difficult to deal with.  While we tend to over analyze and look into things, as sensitive as men can get, they tend to reach a ‘fuck-this’ moment where they chose to rather compartmentalize things and lock it away.  So, hypothetically in a man-like mindset, why would I emerge alive from an unhappy and abusive relationship only to launch myself into the next relationship where I am unsure of whether it would be a repeat flop performance?  Men are rational and try to learn from their past mistakes.  They aren’t pumped with fluffy bunnies, pink butterflies and ‘happily-ever-after’ stories to keep them going.  It’s the inner fear of wasted emotions and revolting post-sex thoughts which spurred the equivalent of a ‘cock bloc’ on an emotional level.  


Funny thing is, I have the exact same problem.  I am not willing to waste my time in any  ole’ relationship, only to realize that it was a COMPLETE waste of my time.  I see where these guys are coming from.  The only difference is, I don’t have a penis which I can’t control nor do I have the necessity to copulate for physical release.  


I wish some women weren’t so bitchy.

I wish men didn’t have such a hard time from us.

I wish I wouldn’t feel sick thinking about the current culture of men and women’s social interactions.

I wish relationships all started with zero expectations.  

I do hope the good guys do win in the end.  


To all the wonderful guys out there, I apologize as a single entity in a sea of ‘unique’ individuals.  


over 11 years ago 0 likes  2 comments  0 shares
Rottendoubt a4 patrick
hope you are ok. i'm not even worrying about relationships right now. got way too much work to do....
over 11 years ago
Photo 62424
I have found you on AnD. I have read your blog. you are smart and interesting. let's hang out sometime.
over 11 years ago


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November 23, 2008