A little piece of thought before I turn 22 ...
It's been sometime since I have been in a relationship. Even then, I ain't sure if it's counted because I was only in secondary school then. Puppy love, you might call it. Immature, childish and purely just want to enjoy the feel of having a other half. Looking back then, it is nothing but a distant memory and something to smile and look cute over. Almost half a decade later, here I'm, turning 22 early next month (the fast approaching 2nd Aug) and still single. I have been out with guys for sure, but its not a date or anything. It's more like general get to know each other or catch up outings rather than its the just-for-2 type of outings. Somehow, my supposed prince in shining armor just hasn't come by.
Nobody's hurrying me, my parents are pretty relax about it thats for sure. But seeing cousin after cousin, friend after friend get together with someone or tie the knot does set that little tingling feeling off in me. Not jealousy, envy (maybe a little) or anything really negative, just something which get me thinking, now where on earth is the person who is suppose to fill the empty seat beside me? Sure, you have friends, sisterhood, your usual gang, whatever you preferred to call it, but somehow, these just ain't people who will share your life and your most inner and private thoughts.
That aside, these people are bound to get hitched and put you secondary some day, even when they do not for now. Nothing pessimistic bout it, it could only be the natural way things work out but somehow when it happens, alarm bells just sort of inveitably goes off in your head. This come back to the question, so where is my soulmate now that Jane or Sally has found theirs? I guess there are just somethings that cannot be pre-arranged, no matter how good you are a planner at work, finding Mr. Right is just something that can be planned way in advace. It is really and solely in the work and decision of god, or some of you may want to correct me and say that it's fate.
My first so-call relationship happens in secondary school. Without the knowledge of my parents in furtherance, this makes me, the naive school girl that I was back then, all the more nervous but excited at the same time. It has been nice, to have someone hold your hand or pull you close (that's about it, nothing else happen :P), or for someone to wait for you after school, go to church together with and see you home thereafter. Messages would be left on my phone, sms-es would come in on a daily basis and my mind was hardly in my books anymore. We could talk for literally, hours, and not b tire out. He was a Malaysian, and travelling in and out was a chore enough for him daily but he still call me almost everyday, in between his break time in poly and also intervals while waiting for bus/MRT etc. Yes, it was nice and everything was sweet, especially for a school girl hardly the age of 16 and never been in love before, the feeling was simply flattering. Any girl want to be pampered, to say no to that would be a lie.
Somehow, as per any other relationship this age, it never really work out. When he diverted his attention to another girl, it totally crush me at that point of time. Gradually, I begin to see that he just isn't someone who is contented with one girl in his life. Before I knew it, he was happily seeing another girl and doing the same things to her as he has done to me once. I was unhappy for awhile, but thankfully, managed to move on and concentrate on my O' Levels, which I didn't really do badly in.
However, during my so-call "down" period after we ended, I did a very stupid thing. I tried going out with different guys, mostly I have never met before from the very much popular MIRC (Internet Relay Chat). I just wasn't contented and tried meeting different people, thinking that I wouldn't be such a failure in dating. Another thing to be thankful of, I was extremely lucky not to have fall into the clutches of the wrong people. Many ended up, not quite the way I want it, and some guys look way too old than they claim to be. I guessed, in a way, this is meant to taught me, relationships cannot be simply found just because you think you intended to find them this way, through chatrooms, dating services (I didnt try this) etc.
Perhaps I can continue to wait, simply do nothing and enjoyed life to it's fullest best a girl can do so. Sometimes, I guessed its better not to confront our feelings or intuitions head on, for it might just not be the way we think it is. In anyway, I shall sit back, relax and let things take it's natural course... maybe (keeping my fingers crossed), something lucky will happen and someone might just come my way :)
