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ma consuelo gacho
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Courtroom Humour

Im sorry if my old blogs came up again...i was just deleting n editing my blogs and it happened.silly me!###

MY SISTER SHARED THIS AND I FOUND IT SO FUNNY I HAD TO SHARE...ITS SO READER'S DIGEST HUMOUR THAT IT SHOULD BE GOOD FOR THE SOUL =)

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts , and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!


ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year- old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you s h* tt'in me?


ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

A TTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?


--- And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

almost 12 years ago 0 likes  17 comments  0 shares
Photo 23250
ROFL
almost 13 years ago
Photo 45749
K N
Hahaha...the incompetence.
almost 13 years ago
Photo 45602
thats why you better see your lawyer "performing" before hiring them..hehehe
almost 13 years ago
Default avatar
JS
hehe, that voodoo one reminds me of the song in Labyrinth, line was 'voodoo' 'who do' 'you do' 'do what?' 'remind me of the babe'.....Nice to have a laugh in the morning..Thanks :)
almost 13 years ago
Photo 45602
HAHHAH...david bowie..throwing the BB in the air...funny how me and a friend have been listening to him and bing crosby quite often recently...
almost 13 years ago
Photo 43083
Oh my gosh, what a bunch of flaky people those attorneys and witnesses are! Hehehe, could not stop giggling as I read this! ^^
almost 13 years ago
Photo 35930
Hehehe this is funny! Merry Xmas Torp! Im glad for to know you in shoutbox!
almost 13 years ago
Default avatar
JS
aww cool, you remember it too!.
almost 13 years ago
Photo 35751
arahahaha thats so funny I laughed out loud for the first one and, yeah I would want a new attourney too lol
almost 13 years ago
Redgate profile
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? That's my favorite one :D
about 12 years ago
Skinph55 c6 img 1924
I know why the retired visits the courts so very often. To get a good laugh.
almost 12 years ago
Photo 29346
hahahahaha, funny!!! shame i missed them the first time!!!
almost 12 years ago
Photo 55108
some good stuff ... like the first one best
almost 12 years ago
Photo 66999
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. hahahahaha
almost 12 years ago
Photo 31055
This is so funny....should put a warning not to read when you're in the meeting....hehehe Thanks for sharing but now boss think I work too hard and gone insane!!!
almost 12 years ago
Photo 210626
hehehe, I thought I was going to get fired for laughing so loud at work, I couldn't contain myself, you really should put a warning up about the risks of reading at work, lol
almost 12 years ago
Firce moi
LMAO * tears* I nearly fall off the bed laughting like a hyena..... Agree with Trini there ; !!WARNING ALLERT!!! Thanks girl/ mwaaaaaaz
almost 12 years ago

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