Thursday, April 29, 2010

It was my 5 year old son, Tate’s, music class this afternoon.  First after warm-up was a fairly new piece, the Cuckoo song. Tate started playing happily showing off his proficiency.  He’d already finished playing once through before the other kids even got their fingers on the right keys.  So once his teacher started the song again, he started ripping through the notes a second time.  Miss Helen, the amazing child-patient person she is, started in her exaggerated ‘you silly’ voice, “Taate!  We haaave to all go at the same pace or we’re going to turn into a biiig noiseee….”  My son then finished the piece a second time.  Only then was Miss Helen able to finish her plea for Tate to listen to her cues so they could all play together.  Tate protested and screwed up his face into a big pout but prepared to start playing with the class.  I watched the agony in every fiber of his being as his fingers waited for Miss Helen to sing out the notes at a tenth of the pace that he’s able to play at,  “Soooooooo – Miiii, Sooooooooo –Miiii……Raaaaaaay – Do, Raaaaay---..  Snap! Tate couldn’t bear it anymore and plunked out the rest of the notes double-time in defiance.  Miss Helen, the child-teacher saint, was saddened but held her cool and went into a thorough explanation of how we all need to listen to each other and stay at each others pace so we’re a team, a band and make lovely music together.  As I watched Tate’s frustration close in on him, I could almost hear the gates slam shut in his head and the gears grind in the unfairness of the world forcing him to go at snails pace when he’s already flown circles around everyone. 

I got sucked into the sadness and frustration worrying about how my son’s giftedness and ego is going to set him apart, good and bad. How others aren’t going to want to play with him and how his righteousness will be his undoing.  Then--- SMACK!  Right in my face!  This was ME last weekend.  I was at an acting workshop in Vancouver.  I complained about how many people were there for the first free audit evening. I cringed at how elementary the acting was. I shifted impatiently in my seat when the acting coach gave gentle notes and adjustments.  I just wanted everything to move faster!

I wanted so badly to help my son be gracious, to just listen to Miss Helen and find beauty in the slowness and be happy just to be part of an ensemble.  I wanted to hug him and tell him that we just have to have faith that we’re talented and special.  We don’t need to prove it by waving it in others faces.  What we need to do is slow down, be in tune with what’s happening around us and know the prize comes from getting there as a team.

Note to Joe and Dena (those responsible for last weekend’s acting workshop):  I’m working on it.  And a couple of gummy worms goes a long way to bring out smiles.

My kid:  Ack!  I can't say baby anymore.  His hands are getting so big!  He has some kind of coccy- blah -blah virus in his throat we found out in Emergency this morning.  Nothing to be done but rest, fluids and keep him away from everyone because he's very contagious.  So we got to watch Planet 51 and The Princess and the Frog.  I love fairytales.  I still believe in them.

My husband:  Ack!  We've had some bumps.  It was his birthday on saturday.  I got him an iPhone.  It doesn't sound like much but I've resisted for a long time.  Corey's not a very organised guy but loves new toys that I end up feeling burdened with when they become office junk.  And I have to admit I don't feel like he deserves these gizmos until he has a job or a lifestyle that warrants them.  I know that makes me a scrooge-wife so I bit the bullet and got him something he really wanted and tried to push away all my reservations.  All was well and good until sunday when I'd been cleaning in the house all morning and he was mucking on the computer-- every criticism I had about him kept repeating in my head.  I tried to push them away but they kept coming up with arguments supporting my martyrdom.  Corey noticed the steam coming out my ears and went to the gym.  Things chilled a bit through dinner only to rehash when he chose to watch a B-movie on his computer in bed instead of just cuddling with me.  It's all dissipated since Tate sleepness night and our combined efforts to comfort him.  We've had some other stresses throughout the day but The Princess and the Frog reminded me that Corey's still my prince charming even if he has warts.

My dad:  Yeesh!  His catheter is coming out tomorrow morning for the fourth and hopefully last time.  It's all been really exhausting.  It's hard to give my parents the respect they deserve when I still have to teach them like children.  Any suggestions for cartoons that would help me with that one?

My career: Big sigh.  I've had a great offer for something this summer.  I'm supposed to keep it hush though not to mention there's been a twist and I may have lost it.  They didn't want Corey and Tate to come with me.  After much deliberation, the answer was NOT.  I can't imagine being away for a month of the summer without them again.  Family comes first.  Cross your fingers they'll respect my choice and still want me.  The cartoons taught me to stand up and do the right thing-- dig deep.

I sign off eyes heavy, head achey but soothed by my son's beathing as he's curled up like a puppy next to me.  I also need to get my dad some cough medicine.

Love and Peas.

I have taken time away to deal with my home and family.  My father's on the mend from prostate surgery.  I have been asked to refrain from writing about my sex life publicly.  And the following are questions I'm sending to some magazine or newspaper with inquiring minds...

1 兒子Tate選讀小學時之要求
   What is your requirement for selecting elementary school for Tate?
I wanted a non-traditional learning style.  It's important that Tate enjoys school and it doesn't become a chore.  I want him to learn while having fun.  I want him to be allowed to be creative and find new ways of learning other than to sit and repeat and memorize.  I absolutely do not want him to just regurgitate what the teacher tells him.

2 現時入了哪一所小學? 現況如何? 升讀小學前後分別大不大(例如母子關係)?
  Which school do you choose for him? How is the situation now? It is a big difference when Tate start the studying at school,
  (for example the relationship between you and Tate)
I chose to put Tate in an art-based learning school.  I don't particularly like his Kindergarten teacher.  I prefered his teachers at the Montessori preschool he was going the past two years.  I've heard from other parents that this school gets better after Kindergarten because the kids are in full days and are able to take advantage of the "special" classes offered.  I do like the school's emphasis on learning through activities such as dance, music and other experiential learning. 
I think Tate has just matured as any normal child would since September.  He's working on his reading and counting, while I'm learning to just have fun with him.  We make a good team.

3 兒子有什麼興趣? 動或靜的均可。
  What is Tate interest for?
He loves to play and be active.  He's always been a great swimmer so I haven't even bothered to put him in swim lessons because there's no one his age who can keep up with him.  He's in a gymnastics class and just finished a his third season of ski lessons.  He's in a Yamaha group music class where he's naturally very talented.  I'm surprised because neither myself or his father are musically inclined.  He loves tv and will watch all day if I let him.  He likes his DS and I let him play games on www.PBSkids.org  I limit these "staring at screen" activities to around an hour each day.  Otherwise he likes to make up stories with his toys (lots of superhero stuff), draw pictures in his "dream journal" and his latest favorite is collecting the garbage around the school playground with his friends to make a "presentation."

4 兒子踏入成長期後,飲食、生活習慣有否改變?有否開始反叛?會否擔心?
  After Tate step into the growth period, any changes for diet, habits etc...
He seems to eat a lot more at certain periods when he's having growth spurts.  He's never been a good eater though.  I have always been very firm about his sleep habits.  He won't sleep 12hours anymore but I try to keep him at 11hours.  His bed time is 8pm until 7am.  If he's moody or wakes up too early I put him to sleep earlier and he'll sleep longer and better.  I truly believe good sleep habits are the key to a happy, healthy child.
 

5 可否給年輕媽媽一點照顧小孩的建議? 如相處關係或升學問題等。
   Can u give some advise to the young mother caring their child.
   (for example, relationship or enter to a higher school)
I try not to give advice because everyone's lifestyle is different and what I want for my child can be completely different from what another parent will want.  So I can only tell you what I wish...
I want Tate to be happy above all else and that includes being happy whether or not he's academically, financially or whatever society deems as successful.  I want him to feel confident that he is a good human being positively contributing to society.  This can often be difficult because I easily get caught up in what everyone else thinks is important so I try very hard to focus on what Tate needs instead of what other people say.
I want to spend as much time with Tate as I can while he still wants me around.  I feel very priviledged that I took a majority of his naps with him.  I cherish all the kisses and hugs and snuggles I get.  I do whatever I can to make him feel loved on every level which includes making rules and boundaries, teaching him about respect and independence.
I try to ask myself what kind of parent would I have liked to have, and I do my best to be that way.

My father's hatred for my husband has been the cloud over me especially since friday when Corey and I went to see our counsellor, Lorraine.  Couple-wise Corey and I are doing very well.  Both Corey and Lorraine explained to me that just capitulating and going back to they way things were is only more damaging in the long run.  Heavy sigh and stifled breath.  Now I actually have to take a stand.  The guilt is acid in my throat when I dad said, "We are your family too."  I won't be able to be as harsh as Corey and Lorraine think I should be.  The plan is to go down tomorrow with Seyon early in the morning, deal with the kitchen designer and bills, and let my dad have his say.  Lorraine told me to not hear his side of the story out and I agree that hearing his deluded version will only bring grief for me.  I will do my best to stop the flow of poison, however, I do need to fulfill my duty taking care of the house and making sure dad's surgery goes well.

Whilst writing this Seyon, our Korean buddy, reminded me of the code of honor amongst  Asians.  On the one hand it strengthens my resolve that that's not the kind of parent I want to be: on the other hand, it saddens me to think that my father's obstinance may mean that he's going to disown me.

Please God give me strength.

It's 4:30am. I'm watching Neve Campbell's biography on tv with my vibrator on low. I haven't really slept since 2:30 when Corey came to bed.  I started telling him about the afternoon with Tate.  My brain's been on overtime since.

I wonder how far to go in this blog.  I started feeling guiltIy that I haven't kept up with my daily resolution.  I'm still thinking about whether or not to start a daily exercise commitment. P90x with Corey or the10min thing with Carol-ann.  Then there's how much and how private I can get publicly.  I've always loved shock value.  Personal issues, depression, marrital issues, family discord, sex, friends' personal lives I've been entrusted with.  How can I write what's on my mind without hurting anyone.  And it just doesn't feel fulfilling enough to just write my journal pages.

Spent the rest of the morning writing my journal, watching the end of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (definitely top 10 best musicals), and wearing down a pair of AAA's.  I did get down some film, writing and career ideas.  Mostly that I just have to keep doing what I feel good about.  The Tate came down to join me at 6:30 and I'm back to mommy duties now.