My blog
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Art Imitates Life Or The Other Way Around?
( 繁 | 简 | 日 )Sunday, Apr 13, 2008 11:48AM / Standard Entry / Members only
I woke up this morning with a very strong, true, and uncomfortable feeling. Art imitates life. What if our artistic expressions are representations of our true selves and the artists are the ones with the eye to capture that essence? Obviously, there is more good than bad to this theory. But my fear is whether or not the artists' perception is more precise than our own? If that is true, then maybe I am not the person I believe I am, but rather pretending in real life, locked down by societal conventions and faulty self-perception. Throughout my career I have played the villain in films. I know that as an actor, no matter how distant the character seems to what I believe to be who I am, there is always a part of me in every role. To act you must emote real feelings. How you bring yourself into the necessary state of emotion is different for every actor. However, the emotions are real, or the audience can see the lies.
In honesty, I never believed I am anything like the villian characters I have played in films. But what if that perception is real. What if all the directors that have casted me in these films see something in me that I don't see or refuse to see? I have always wondered why I have been mainly casted as a villain since my 2nd film. After sometime I realized that as a screen actor, your on-screen presence and the way the audience perceives it is very different from self-perception. In that sense, it is the audience and the directors who cast you dictates your self image. After working with many directors, I realize that a gifted director is usually very good at capturing your essence, your unique characteristics, then manipulate them so that they fit the story they are telling. The actor has to inspire the director to see something in them that makes the character true. Sometimes films are developed based on the characteristics of a single actor alone. I am only one person. Can it be true that my self-perception has been wrong all these years? Maybe the directors and the audience actually understand me better than myself???!!!!!
To take a step back from this eerie feeling, I don't believe that the art imitates life theory is true, at least in my case. I have a very strong sense of self and have had many years of life experience to help me understand myself. But for younger actors, very often they cannot separate themselves from the characters they play. Directors will often choose younger actors based on their perception of the actor's personality alone. After all, if the true personality of the actor is similar or identical to the character in the film, it should be very easy for that actor then to relate to the character and "act" with their real emotions.
So the challenge for the actor is this sense is to discover their own on-screen presence and find the right roles to convey that image. This is the ideal, and very few actors are given that opportunity. However it is very important for all actors to understand the difference between their on-screen personas and who they are in real life. After all, to "believe" in a film requires suspension of disbelief. A truly gifted actor must recognize the complexity of this parallel and recognize the points where the two worlds meet for them. Only then will the actor cease to be passive and become a creator in the same sense as the director and the screenwriter.
Sometimes when I wake up, I just feel funny. Maybe this comes from the residual effects of a dream I have forgotten when I wake. Usually I don't have time to dwell on my funny feelings as I carry on with my day. But it's Sunday and I woke up too early. It's nice to be awake this early on Sunday for a change!
So to answer the question, does art imitate life? Art is an expression of life. Art allows us the space and opportunity to find mirrors into our souls and enrich our experience with color, laughter, tears, and compassion for others. OK, that's the rah-rah version. Art doesn't imitate life. Art is an expression of life. And through an artist's expression we can often see and feel something true, for ourselves.
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He's A Woman, She's A Man
( 繁 | 简 | 日 )Saturday, Apr 5, 2008 10:06PM / Standard Entry / Members only
Well it's now a few days after April Fool's so it's only right for me to come clean and admit to everyone that my last blog was an April Fool's joke. For those of you who took my blog seriously and offered me encouragement, I would like to thank you for accepting me even under such extreme circumstances. But as far as I know, I am not leaving H.K to change gender, so let's put this to rest.
The photos of me in drag are from Halloween a couple years ago. I decided to dress up because I was invited to a formal Halloween party. The photos were taken after the formal party when I met up with friends. I got Greg from House of Siren to dress me up that night. He is an amazing stylist and he did such a great job that night, some of my friends didn't recognize me until I told them who I was!
I really enjoyed reading everyone's April Fool's blogs. Some of the blogs were very creative! Really got me thinking! It's fun to see so many people on the site go off and make their 4/1 jokes!
So that's it for now! Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!
Terence
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Confessions: I Have Been Living A Lie
( 繁 | 简 | 日 )Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008 4:28AM / Standard Entry / Members only
For those who have been following my blog, you may notice that I have not been posting much about my personal life. In many ways I have avoided posting about my daily life because I have been conflicted about how I should live my life. It did not used to be so severe, but in the last 6 months I have reached a boiling point of sorts and today I have made a very important decision.
In my bouts with depression, I have tried to think of the moments where I have been truly happy. There have been many special moments over the years. My college graduation. The day The Heavenly Kings premiered in H.K and also the day Daniel won Best New Director at the HK Film Awards. These special moments have been few and far between, therefore I trudge in the wasteland of my mind most other times, confused, depressed, and conflicted.
Then I remembered a night when I truly was happy . . .
I felt so beautiful that night and there were moments that night when I felt like I was finally being myself. I did not understand it at the time. I did not even know why I chose to be a woman that night. But somehow when the make-up was on and when I was dancing in my 6 inch platform heals, I felt free and liberated.
Since that night I have not allowed myself to be the woman that I was. So often was I trapped in depression, that even simple pleasures like sausages, angora, and Kylie Minogue failed to raise my spirits. And what I realize now, after hitting bottom with intolerable torment and grief, I realize it is time to admit to the obvious. I have been a man for 32 years . . . it is time to retire, to make a fresh start, to allow the woman in me to come to life and proudly walk this world.
I will spend the next 2 years away from my friends, my family, my hometown to find the will, resources, and doctors that will make my dreams come true. When I return, I hope you will all accept me, will give me the chance to show you all the real me.







As you can all imagine. It has been tremendously difficult for me to come to this decision. But now that I have made up my mind, I have never felt more sure that I am doing the right thing.
I want to thank my family, my friends, and everyone who has supported me over the years. I know for some of you my decision is very difficult to accept. But I hope that you will have faith in my heart and that the heart has no gender.
Goodbye everyone! I will miss you when I am gone. I just have to try to be the woman I know I can be.
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Privacy Talks: Round 3
( 繁 | 简 )Thursday, Mar 6, 2008 10:24PM / Standard Entry / Members only
Yesterday I went to the Dai Po Secondary School and City University to show the PAG short film on privacy rights and conduct discussions with students on this subject. It was a little hectic to conduct 2 talks on the same day, but we were able to get some very good feedback from the students. It is really rewarding for me to see students express their views on the privacy rights after they watch the film. It shows me that at least I got them to think about the subject for themselves and that's really all I am setting out to do.
I will try to conduct a few more talks at different schools in the next couple months!
T
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02.19.08 Privacy Talk @ HKU
( 繁 | 简 | 日 )Wednesday, Feb 20, 2008 7:09PM / Standard Entry / Members only
Yesterday I was at the RC Lee Hall High Table Dinner @ Hong Kong University. They have their High Table dinner once a month and will sometimes invite guest speakers to talk about various social issues. I was invited to the High Table dinner to talk about the issue of Privacy Law and the Social Responsibility of Media In Hong Kong.
This is the second talk I have done on this subject with students in Hong Kong. The 1st talk was done at CUHK in January. Basically I am doing this series of talks on behalf of the HKPAG, (Hong Kong Performing Artists Guild), as a grassroots campaign to provide information, spread awareness, and inspire debate on this topic. Privacy rights in H.K is one of the key issues that the HKPAG is fighting for. Previously they have commissioned an academic survey from the HKU Public Opinion program on 4 leading tabloid publications in H.K and also to gauge Hong Kong public's opinion on privacy rights, laws, and media responsibility. The PAG has used information from this report to lobby government officials in H.K to pass laws for better privacy protection.
As an active member of the HKPAG, I was 1st involved with the subject when they asked me to do some research on privacy laws in H.K and laws in other countries. Months later, a CUHK law student name Janelle Zai contacted me, then interviewed me about my views on this issue. She was writing a thesis on privacy laws in H.K with some classmates, and found out through a friend that I have done some research on the subject. Janelle and friends' thesis was completed last year.
After reading Janelle's thesis, I got the inspiration to work with the PAG to create this grassroots campaign on the issue. Lobbying for new legislation is a long process that can take years. Between the HKU academic survey and Janelle's thesis, there is lots of good information about the issue that really more people should know. So I thought that it would be very good if I worked with the PAG to bring the information from these 2 reports to H.K students.
Last month I produced a short film on privacy rights in H.K and at the talk @ HKU yesterday and also at CUHK, I would show the film, then have a Q & A discussion with the students. For each of these talks, Dr. Robert Chung of the HKU Public Opinion program and Janelle were also there to field questions from students. Because Dr. Chung and Janelle are experts on this subject, it is really good for students to have the opportunity to interact with them and formulate their own opinions on privacy rights and media responsibility.
I really enjoyed the talk yesterday at HKU. There were over 300 students at the High Table dinner, basically everyone at the R.C Lee Hall. We had a very good Q & A session and it makes me feel really good to see students ask questions and state their own view points on the issue.
I would like to thank Dr. Chung for arranging the talk yesterday. He is also the Warden @ the R.C Lee Hall. Thank you Janelle for being there answering questions at the talks, and also the students who organized the High Table dinner. I really enjoyed myself and would like to thank you all for your hospitality.
Thank you Jezzjunk for being there as well and for taking photos. I hope the talks were interesting for you!
Special thanks to Diesel for sponsoring the short film I shot with my friend Kim on this subject!
Here are a few photos from the talk yesterday. I will post more photos if/when I receive them.
At the High Table dinner. The food was actually really good!

At the assembly for the short film screening and Q & A session. It was fun!
Jezzjunk and her camera. One of these days I have got to learn how to use mine!
I will continue the privacy talk series at other schools in H.K in the coming months. The next talks we are having will be early March. I will write again to talk about those sessions.
I will be posting the short film I shot about privacy rights on the HKPAG profile page and also on www.hkpag.org, when the site is launched in the next week or so.
I also have a forum thread in my forum titled, "Your Right To Privacy." If anyone is interested in having a discussion with me about privacy rights in H.K, please make a post in my forum. I will be checking the forum regularly and will respond to comments there.
That's it for now! Peace!
T






























