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Michael Adair
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Old flames

 

  Whatever Cosmic force that governs our fate has brought someone back into my life that I had thought was lost to me forever. I have spent the last decade trying to find out what had happend to her throught the internet and some old friends that still live in that part of the world..Now that we found each other again all these old feelings that I had successfully buried have resurfaced with a vengeance which leaves me at somewhat of a loss as I have a girlfriend and she is herself married. We only have contact through email so I guess its safe enough and of course I'm not a complete scum bag and have no wish to break up someones marriage. but I have to admit that I think about her all the time which leads me to feel that I'm living a bit of a lie. What to do eh? It's an odd feeling being ectsaticaly happy and horribly depressed at the same time.

 All this came about well after I had given up all hope of ever knowing anything at all about her, we were very young when we were together and she was the love of my life who I lost due to some fantasy I had about coming back to the States to find a vocation in life, I have regreted this decision ever since I made it but I did not have the resources to get back, this made me a bit crazy so I went off and tried to forget everything about her and the old country..let this be a lesson to you that read these words..Sieze the motherf^&#n Day.

about 11 years ago 0 likes  9 comments  0 shares
Jrs 8c 1405439596528
I think all of this is happening so you have something to blog about. Okay, not really. What a quandary you're in but I'm confused. So, this old flame crops back up again AND you have a married-to-somebody-else girlfriend? If so, don't you think you've seized too much? haha....
about 11 years ago
Photo 24631
no no ,my old gf is married not the current one..ha ha that would be funny.
about 11 years ago
Jrs 8c 1405439596528
You might think it was funny.... ;-P
about 11 years ago
Photo 28042
Hmm, why did she contact you? Maybe she's unhappy in her marriage. If she is unhappy then, hey, marriages do end and you would not be the cause. If she's happy, then it doesn't sound like you guys could be platonic friends as it would torture you. Tell her why and then don't continue the torture. If she changes her mind about her marital bliss, she knows where to find you. Oh, did you ask for advice? haha
about 11 years ago
Jrs 8c 1405439596528
Well....I had a 3-hour round trip drive to Seattle and so I was thinking...what would I do if I were SSG? First, I was surprised at my train of thought in thinking that a guy would actually feel the way you do about just one fish in the ocean of plenty....I know...it's so sexist...but you really seem to not be the stereo-typical guy and that's a good thing. Then I thought that perhaps the best thing to do was to find out how happy she is and if she has any regrets. Depending on where that conversation went, I guess I'd tell her the truth about your feelings. The truth is, afterall, suppose to set us free. If you keep it all bottled up, I guess you'll be a fantastic poet...right? Just let me know when you get your poems published and I'll buy a copy. Good luck! **hugs**
about 11 years ago
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There was just an air of looking backwards about this entry.. is it recapturing the past, or thinking about a possible future that has you sort of enthralled with the situation, I wonder. If it's the former, I'd say is be real cautious about tampering with the present based on memories of the past. I dunno, if you guys are talking about relationships & heavy duty stuff via e-mail that's a tricky path to take. An internet or any distant relationship can be real seductive. There's no rl nuts & bolts crap to get in the way, like who's gonna take the garbage out. Fantasy has free rein in that atmosphere. Just my opinion.. I guess it's a time for re-evaluation all around, in terms of your own relationship too. Good luck. :)
about 11 years ago
Photo 24631
Its not what I would call heavy duty and I'm well aware of what a pitfall nostalgia can become, I just missed her all these years and now it would seem that there is no going back and believe me I have been reevaluating like a mofo these past months.
about 11 years ago
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JS
If she's happily married there is not much you can do, but perhaps by getting back in touch, the feelings have all come back and are really quite hard for you to deal with, discuss how you feel about her with you, maybe she is unhappy with her choices too, but even if she isn't, I'm sure as a friend she will understand your feelings, and at least you won't be harboring them anymore. Do take your time to evaluate things, but also look at the present beauty you have in your life, the past can be appealing, but it's not always so great to return to.
about 11 years ago
Photo 24631
I can't really go into more detail and in fact I should probably not have written this entry, I do appreciate all of the input though. Beauty is a rare commodity in this boys life.. I would seek it out but most of my friends are too busy being cynical and realistic too take action
about 11 years ago

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''There is no good or evil, only spirit and matter. Only movement toward the light - and away from it.''

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April 28, 2003