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the drama around my boyfriends kids

I think it is time to write down the story and sort my thoughts, otherwise they are going to swallow me...

My bf has twins, a boy and a girl, 10 years old and live with their mum - she and my bf parted as the kids were three years old. Since autumn last year all of them lived in the same town so the contact between him, the grandparents - his parents - and the kids was quite close. His parents took over parts of the responsibility for the kids as my bf was really down from the breakup and always very emotional about the kids. As they were not married he only had visitation rights.

At times when she wasn't able to cope with the kids his parents took care of them. Unfortunately she got mad every time she saw that kids start to feel better and recover under the care of their grandmum.

Everything got worse as she moved about 200 km away to live together with her new bf in autumn last year. Instead of seing the kids once or twice a week for a few hours the made the agreement that the kids come to the grandparents every holidays for a certain time, as my bf does not have the money and car to drive and see them at their new home.

The first two holidays it went fine. But she used to tell the kids a lot of bad lies about their dad and her bf tries to argue their dad out of their heads and forces to call him "dad", the kids of course ask if the stories they hear are true or not. So everytime they come home from their grandparents there is a lot of trouble ahead and the kids do not know who to believe and trust.

For easter she refused to send the kids to the grandparents and told the kids that they are really bad. The grandparents wrote a letter to the responsible child protective service that they retreat from their right to see the kids every holidays because they do not want to put the kids into more trouble and distress.

In order to show that they still care, my bf and his parents try to call the kids regularly on phone. Because of the trouble the mother has with the twins they cannot talk to them without she or her bf listening to the conversations. This puts my bf and his parents into deep distress and he stops talking to them when he notices it, as his parents do so.

Now they even start to tell the kids that I have a bad influence on the whole thing, though she does not even know me. But the kids liked me and accepted me right away from the first time we met. I do not talk to the kids on the phone as my bf and his parents are afraid that I am in her focus now, as the grandparents are out of the line of fire as they refused to take the kids for holidays. We cannot take them as we do not have the space for them. It was really hard for my bf to tell the kids that they cannot come for summer holidays.

On the one hand my bfs son continued to claim that he feels happy with his mum and her bf, yet he insisted on coming for holidays....

We have no idea what's really going on there every day. We would feel a lot better to know the kids in good care but they are not and cannot do anything else but keep on writing letters to the child protective service that the mother breaks the agreement and privacy rights of the kids dad and grandparents

In putting pressure on the kids by refusing to talk to them while somebody else listening and not agreeing to the new rules of the mother we wait for the big bang....or the boy ends up in children psychatry again....

(because the kids cannot decide by themselves with who they want to live until they get 14)

So what to do?


about 9 years ago 0 likes  5 comments  0 shares
Photo 29080
so immature of the mom to behave like this, and so detrimental to the children. very challenging, the only advice i would give to your b/f is to remain steady in his focus to give love to the children and do his best to ignore the crap. but it sux for sure, sorry to hear this is going on. :(:(
about 9 years ago
Photo 28042
I second what Seeker said. Be consistent with them. Don't badmouth the mom. It doesn't take long for kids to figure out who's telling the truth, who's good and who's evil. The important part of this equation is the kids and how they'll cope, get through this. You're all adults, and while it's stressful for you, it's not going to change you or your beliefs, personality. More important is how to do best by the kids. I hope your bf can find a way to make some extra money so that he can go see the kids more often. Even if it's for an afternoon. Any chance you can find a way to hook up webcams and talk to the kids that way? And the grandparents shouldn't give up either. Not seeing the kids doesn't help. She's still badmouthing the entire father's side of the family. Just hang in there. Send as many pictures and letters as you can.
about 9 years ago
Jrs 8c 1405439596528
Oh, Silke! What a delima! Hang in there, okay? It's so wrong when a parent uses the child/children as pawns. Even though you, your boyfriend and his parents probably feel very powerless, you can still lead by example. As Flagday said, don't badmouth the mother. Turn the other cheek and be gracious, even though it's difficult. And keep after the child protective services people--maybe they can help but sometimes it takes a lot of work. I wish you the best. :)
about 9 years ago
Photo 622631
^_^ was awesome ! speak tomorrow !! YuKoSho :)
about 9 years ago
Default avatar
I hope things have improved in this situation, my friend is going through a split right now and it has angered me that she and her ex are using their child to take a bite out of one another, I am so sorry that the mother is being so spiteful towards you and your boyfriend.
almost 9 years ago


Live and let live... 无狎其所居,无厌其所生 (Lao-tzu) Past is what does not hurt anymore (Emmanuel Kant)

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