Hall & Oates - You've lost that loving feeling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vP1YUkweRA&NR=1&aia=true

You never close your eyes anymore
When I kiss your lips
And there's no tenderness
Like before in your finger tips
You're trying hard not to show it (baby)
But baby, baby I know it

You've lost that lovin' feelin'
Whoa, that lovin' feelin'
You've lost that lovin' feelin'
Now it's gone, gone, gone
Whoa, oh-whoa, oh-whoa

There's no welcome look in your eyes
When I reach for you
And girl you're starting to
Criticize little things I do
Ooh, it makes me just feel like cryin' (baby)
'Cause baby something beautiful's dyin'

You've lost that lovin' feelin'
Whoa, that lovin' feelin'
You've lost that lovin' feelin'
Now it's gone, gone, gone
Whoa, oh-whoa, oh-whoa

Baby baby I get down on my knees for you
(Get down on my knees)
If you would only love me
Like you used to
(If you would only love me, love me)
We had a love, a love, a love
You don't find everyday
(A love you don't find)
So don't, don't, don't
Let it slip away (away)

I said baby
Baby (baby)
Baby (baby)
(I'm beggin you please)
I'm begging you please
I need your love
(I need your love)
I need your love
So bring it on back
(Bring it on back)
Ah, bring it on back
Now bring it on back

You've got to
Bring back that lovin' feelin'
Whoa, that lovin' feelin'
Bring back that lovin' feelin'
'Cause it's gone, gone, gone
And I can't go on
Whoa, oh-whoa, oh-whoa

Bring back that lovin' feelin'
Whoa, that lovin' feelin'
Bring back that lovin' feelin'
'Cause it's gone, gone, gone

Bring back that lovin' feelin'
Whoa, that lovin' feelin'
Bring back that lovin' feeling
'Cause it's gone, gone, gone

"Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love." Revelation 2:4

The Voices of Bride and Bridegroom continue... [Quoted from God is a Matchmaker by Derek Prince, Chapter 1]

     That a Christian man will trust God both to choose and to prepare for him the mate he needs. On the other side, a Christian woman will trust God to prepare her for the husband for whom God has appointed her.

     That a Christian man, walking in the will of God, will find that God brings to him the mate whom He has chosen and prepared for him. On the other side, a Christian woman will allow God to lead her to the husband for whom He has been preparing her.

     That the end purpose of marriage today is still what it was for Adam and Eve--perfect unity. Only those who fulfill the first three requirements, however, can expect also to enjoy the fulfillment of the end purpose.

     Some may be tempted to dismiss these principles as old-fashioned or "super-spiritual." There is never any devaluation of the currency of the Kingdom of God, however, no erosion of its values and standards. For those who are truly following Jesus, the requirements are just the same as they were in Jesus' own day. But--thank God--so also are the rewards!

     For me, these principles are not mere abstract theories. In both of my marriages they were worked out exactly, as I shall recount in the next two chapters. In each case, the decision to marry originated with God, not with me. Indeed, I myself was not seeking marriage. In each case, God chose my wife for me, prepared her for me, and brought her to me. More important of all, each of my marriages has produced a degree of unity that few couples today enjoy.

     All this did not result from my following some elaborate theological theory as to how a man should enter into marriage. Rather, it was brought about by the sovereign guidance and overruling of the Holy Spirit in my life. Many times I was not even conscious that it was the Holy Spirit who was at work. Gradually, however, as I pondered on the course of my life in the light of scrīpture, I came to see, in each of my marriages, how God had worked exactly according to the pattern that He Himself had established "at the beginning." I share these principles now because I know they work. I can wish for my fellow believers no greater happiness than they have brought to me.

     This brief analysis of the biblical pattern of marriage stands in sharp contrast with the standards of the world today--or even with those accepted in many sections of the Church. The prevailing attitude toward marriage in any culture or civilization is usually an accurate barometer revealing its moral and spiritual climate. The decline of a culture is marked by a decline in its respect for marriage. Conversely, the renewal of a culture is marked by a corresponding renewal of the biblical values of marriage.

     There are various passages in the Bible that depict how marriage is affected by both a period of decline and a period of restoration. In Jeremiah 25:10-11, God warns the people of Judah of the desolation to be brought upon them by Nebuchadnezzar's impending invasion: "I will banish from them the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, the sound of millstones and the light of the lamp. This whole country will become a desolate wasteland..."

     The apostle John paints a similar picture of the end-time destruction of the anti-Christian system known as "Great Babylon":

     The music of harpists and musicians, flute players and trumpeters, will never be heard in you again. No workman of any trade will ever be found in you again. The sound of a millstone will never be heard in you again. The light of a lamp will never shine in you again. The voice of bridegroom and bride will never be heard in you again.    (Revelation 18:22-23)

     One conspicuous feature central to both these descrīptions of decline and desolation is the silencing of the voices of bridegroom and bride. A culture that no longer makes the joyful celebration of marriage central to its way of life is either doomed already or on its way to doom.

     The converse is equally true. Restoration of a culture will be marked by restoration of marriage as a source of joy and a cause for celebration. In Jeremiah 33:10-11 God promises the end-time restoration of Judah and Israel:

     This is what the Lord says: "You say about this place, 'It is a desolate waste, without men or animals.' Yet in the towns of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem that are deserted, inhabited by neither men or animals, there will be heard once more the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, and the voices of those who bring thank offerings to the house of the Lord.... For I will restore the fortunes of the land as they were before," says the Lord.

     Once again in this picture--as in desolation, so in restoration--bride and groom are central. By the standards of scrīpture, the restoration of a people is incomplete unless heralded by "the voices of bride and bridegroom."

     Various forces may undermine the biblical foundations of marriage. Secular humanism, for example, persents marriage as a kind of social contract in which the parties are free to dictate their own terms and conditions, and to modify or abrogate them at will if their feelings change. People who approach marriage on this basis will never experience either the physical or the spiritual fulfillment that the Bible promises to those who follow its pattern.

     On the other side, however, formal religion without the grace of God can have an almost equally harmful effect on marriage. Both romance and passion are integral parts of marriage, as revealed in the Bible. Each is depicted vividly and beautifully in the Song of Songs. A marriage that lacks these is, by biblical standards, sadly incomplete. Romance without passion ends in frustration. Passion without romance is little more than lust, thinly veiled.

     Over the centuries the Church has often failed to present the Bible's picture of total marriage, embracing every area of the human personality--spiritual, emotional and physical. Sex has been treated as an unfortunate necessity, almost an aberration of the Creator, which requires some kind of apology. Certainly that is not the Creator's own view. He created man and woman sexual beings, and then, after careful inspection, pronounced everything "very good"--including their sexuality.

     Today, around the earth, God is visiting and renewing His Church by the Holy Spirit. This renewal must be heralded, as divine renewal has always been, by "the voices of bride and bridegroom." The Church cannot experience a full or valid renewal unless it once again embraces the biblical pattern of marriage. This must include not only the marriage ceremony and the life that follows. It must begin where marriage always begins--with the steps leading up to the ceremony.

     This principle applies to almost all forms of human activity. The process of preparation is usually an essential factor in a successful outcome. A couple who decided to build a house, for instance, must go through months of preparation before they receive the key and walk through the front door. They must choose a site, hire an architect and a contractor, discuss plans of many kinds of style and decoration. A couple who take no interest in their home until the day they receive the key are doomed to fearful frustrations and disappointments after they begin to live in it.

    If this is true of a house built of brick or stone or timber, how much more does it apply to a house built of living stones--human beings, creatures of measureless complexity but also of measureless potential?

     No, successful marriage does not begin with the wedding ceremony. Its foundation is laid much earlier--first, in the careful preparation of character, and then in the matching of a man and woman whom God has appointed for one another.

     A couple entering marriage unprepared and ill-matched are doomed at best to endless frustration, and , more often than not, to total failure. On the other hand, a Christian man and woman who have allowed the Holy Spirit to mold them and lead them along the biblical path that leads to the wedding ceremony can look forward with confidence to a married life of fulfillment and mutual delight.

Unquoted

For 20 years I've prayed for my marriage, for 20 years God's hands have been heavy on me in my character and the area of my lovelife. For 20 years God has been preparing me for a marriage of one end purpose--perfect unity. And hence, yes, I can say that I look forward with confidence to a married life of fulfillment and mutual delight in future. I look forward to meeting my Mr. Right for whom God has been preparing me all these years.

So time keeps passing and passing by. How many chances I have missed? I don't know. I guess it's all depends on personal choices. If I live until 70, then half of my life has already gone. Half of my life has passed but I still don't have any achievement. If I really count, then I guess it is the achievement for others, not myself. Just last Wednesday, I sat at the prayer temple, having a quiet time with my Lord doing some serious thought. My mind wandered far away, it's all about how many weddings passed by in my life. How many marriages I experienced in my life? But not mine. It's like you took a bus and then got off the next stop. You got on other people's lovelife and then you got off. That's me. More accurately should be: I repaired the broken bus to get it going to its destiny. In my life I'd been through many friends, brothers and sisters' love journey while they fell down. I listened, chatted and prayed with them. One by one, I saw them found their mate and got married. The funny thing is I don't usually get to attend their weddings (I don't even get to attend my brother's wedding in SF). Most of you can testify for me. Weddings to me is not important, the most important thing is I've made an impact in your lives - the positive impact (in the most important area). In fact, the only wedding I really made an effort to attend is my university friend's wedding in SF last year. I spent 10K HKD to attend her wedding. Why? Because she's not a believer and I knew her unhappy lovelife before and I was so happy for her to finally find her mate, and I wanted to fly there to bless her in person. Yes, that's me.

Last week I shared with you the article "World Christian Lovelife" from my seminary close friend, and said that she's still single (and available). Now she suddenly change her facebook status to "in a relationship." Is it a coincidence or what? This friend, I tell you, we'd been through some tough time. We'd been praying for each other's lovelife. I'd been encouraging her to get into a relationship that went wrong later, and then I was harsh on her because of that. This friend, I thought, our friendship was over... but restored later... And hence when I saw this change, I had quite a feeling, feeling that words can't express. But I'm happy for her, finally, her Mr. Right shows up. And this Mr. Right... hahaha, I knew him, and I knew him from another angle through another seminary friend (my old roommate) who liked him... Life could be quite complicated sometime, especially lovelife, you see.

In addition, I just attended my colleague's engagement party. During the party I was on a phone conversation with another friend, I told her I was in my colleague's engagement party. She was so surprised to learn that how fast it happened. She said, "Didn't I see you two were praying for it eight months ago." Yes, this prayer partner that I shared with you earlier in my blog is her, and now she's engaged. The same, I also walked with her through some tough time and prayed with her. Funny is: my another friend now so wants me to meet with her and pray for her in this area again and more.

I was silent, amazed... yea~ this is my little achievement in my life... this is me. But none is my work. It's God. Still I'm amazed, me? through me? God? who am I? To help others get back up in their lovelife and keep walking. I don't even have a relationship! And still, I knew, I'm going to keep helping others to get back up in their lovelife eventhough I don't have one. Today, many of my friends that I had walked with in their difficulties of their lovelife already found their perfect mate and had a happy marriage. I can only praise God in my heart.

All these years I've been wrestling with God about this issue - marriage. And I guess finally God has dealt with me with my doubts one by one through His answers and revelations (share later)... and finally I guess I'm satisfied with His answers and at peace with the decision of marriage if He has one for me. Last night I opened a book again "God is a Matchmaker" to read the beginning. And this time I've got fresh insights from Derek Prince (after wrestling and doing some serious thinking) and found myself agreeing with him all that he said about marriage...

The Voices of Bride and Bridegroom [Quoted from God is a Matchmaker by Derek Prince, Chapter 1]

     Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. (Genesis 2:22)

     God first appeared on the scene of human history in the role of a matchmaker. What a profound and exciting revelation!

     Is it too much to suggest that Eve came to Adam on the arm of the Lord Himself, in the same way that a bride today walks down the aisle of the church on her father's arm? What human mind can fathom the depth of love and joy that filled the heart of the great Creator as He united the man and woman in this first marriage ceremony?

     Surely this account is one among countless indications that the Bible is not a work of merely human authorship. Moses is generally accepted as the author of the creation record. But apart from supernatural inspiration, he would never have dared to open human history with a scene of such amazing intimacy--intimacy first between God and man, and then between man and woman.

     The portrait Moses here paints of God is in a totally different category from the type of religious art we have come to associate with churches and cathedrals. It is doubtful, in fact, if Moses' portrait would even find a place on their walls or in their windows.

     Not only does human history open with a marriage. It is also destined to climax with a marriage. It is John on Patmos who paints this scene for us in Revelation 19:6-9:

    Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:

    "Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear." [Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.]

     Then the angel said to me, "Write: 'Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!"

     The spectacle that John exposes briefly to our gaze is one of triumph, of praise and worship, of feasting and splendor, of almost uncontainable joy. Most wonderful of all, it is almighty God Himself, the Creator and Ruler of the universe, who presides over this, the marriage ceremony of His own Son. As it unfolds, heaven and earth blend together in a symphony of praise and woship such as the universe has never before heard.   

     It is characteristic of the Bible's restraint that it makes no attempt to describe the feelings of the heavenly Bridegroom and His Bride. No human language contains the vocabulary that would be needed. This is an area of holy mystery, reserved for the Lord Himself and for those who, by diligent preparation, "have made themselves ready."

    From Genesis to Revelation, from the first act in Eden to the last act in the heavenlies, the central theme of human history is marriage. Throughout this unfolding drama, God Himself does not remain merely a remote spectator. It is He who initiates the action, and it is in Him that it comes to its climax. From beginning to end, He is totally and personally involved.

     When Jesus came to earth to make God known to man, His attitude toward marriage harmonized perfectly with that of the Father. Just as the Father opened human history with a marriage, so Jesus opened His public ministry at the marriage in Cana. When the wine ran out at the height of the celebration, Mary turned to Jesus for help. He responded by converting about 150 gallons of water into wine.

     No ordinary wine, either! For the master of the banquet, after tasting it, called the bridegroom aside and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now" (John 2:10).

     What prompted Jesus to perform His first miracle in such a setting? What important truth did He demonstrate by it? The answer is simple: He demonstrated how much He cared about the success of the wedding. Had the wine run out, the bridegroom and the bride would have been publicly humiliated, and the wedding would have ended in gloom. To forestall such a disaster, Jesus granted the first release on earth of His miracle-working power.

     Furthermore, Jesus was careful to perform the miracle in such a way that none of the guests knew what had happened. He attracted no attention to Himself. He demonstrated that in every marriage there is only one proper focus of attention: the bride and the groom. Although it was Jesus who performed the miracle, the public recognition actually went to the bridegroom.

     In His subsequent public teaching ministry, Jesus consistently upheld the plan of marriage initiated at creation by the Father. For this reason, He rejected the standard of marriage current in His day. When confronted by some Pharisees with a question about divorce, He replied: "Haven't you read that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined togehter, let man not separate" (Matthew 19:4-6).

     In the Hebrew Old Testament, the title of the book we call Genesis is taken from the opening words of the book, "At the beginning." By answering the Pharisees with this phrase, Jesus deliberately directed them to the book of Genesis, and in particular to the way in which God had united Eve with Adam. In other words, He upheld the plan of marriage established there by the Father as still in force in His day, and as the only divinely ordained standard for marriage. He refused to lend His authority to any lower standard.

     The Pharisees countered by referring to an ordinance in the Law of Moses that permitted divorce for reasons other than marital unfaithfulness. To this Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives becuase your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning" (Matthew 19:8). Once again Jesus directed them to the beginning--that is, to the pattern established at the opening of Genesis. It was the only pattern He accepted. Any deviation from it was not the will of the Father, but merely a concession to the hard heart of unregenerate man.

     This conversation of Jesus with the Pharisees has important implications of us as Christians today. The divine standard of marriage in force for us is still that established by God at creation. Any lowering of this standard is merely a concession to the hardness of man's unregenerate heart.

     Christians who have been born again of God's Spirit are a "new creation," no longer subject to the dictates of their old, unregenerate nature. For Christians today, therefore, the divine standard of marriage is that established by God at creation and upheld by Jesus throughout His ministry.

     Specifically, the Genesis account reveals four vitally important truths about marriage, all of which still apply today.

     First, the concept of marriage originated entirely with God. Adam had no part in it. It was not a plan he formulated. He did not even ask for such a provision. It was God, not Adam, who decided that Adam needed a wife. Adam was not aware of his own need.

     Second, it was God who formed Eve for Adam. He alone knew the kind of mate Adam needed.

     Third, it was God who presented Eve to Adam. Adam did not have to go in search of her.

     And fourth, it was God who determined the way in which Adam and Eve were to relate to each other. The end purpose of their relationship was perfect unity: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

     If, as Jesus indicated, God's pattern for marriage remains unchanged for Christians today, then the four truths outlined above still apply in our lives. In practical terms, what does this entail?

     That a Christian will enter into marriage not because it is his or her decision, but because it is God's.

To be continued...

So~ looks like many weddings are happening. And what do I feel? Nothing~ I feel nothing. What's wrong with me? I don't know. Honestly! Hahaha! "...What is the measure of success? Your security in Christ." That's why I feel nothing (not that I'm numb). Know what I mean?!  This is not my quote, but I amen to that one.

So~ last night I felt the urge to share with you this article I read long time ago when I was still in seminary, "World Christian Lovelife" by Roberta Winter (associate founder and director of the U.S. Center for World Mission along with her husband, Ralph Winter). This article is given to me by my close friend, co-worker in Mission Executive and prayer partner in seminary, who's now serving the Lord in Mexico City as a missionary cross-culturally and still single. This article, I assure you that you won't find it anywhere as I received it as a photocopied flyer and I kept it until now. Praise the Lord for giving me this article so that I can share with you now. So please take some time to read it.

World Christian Lovelife ~by Roberta Winter

I am always amused by the look of shock on the faces of young people when, in some meeting or other, Ralph casually drops the comment that some day he hopes to set up a computerized dating system for young World Christians. It's obvious that this statement from him just doesn't compute with them. I can almost read their minds: "How can a spiritually-minded, world-famous missiologist stoop to engineering computerized dating?" People have cornered me afterward and asked, "He isn't serious, is he?" and have been further shocked when I answered, "Yes!"

     The dating years, though exciting, are never easy. We know. We had four daughters. But how important to the later lives of young people. Whom they marry makes all the difference in the world as to whether their dreams will come true, whether they will count in the Kingdom or not, whether they will become part of the solution or part of the problem of this world. And all too often those already married, even Christians, maintain a "hands-off" attitude, "That's their problem; they have grown up now." And those who are dating often have a "keep hands off" attitude. Yet in spite of an attitude which seems to announce "I can handle this; keep out of my business," often there is inside an uncertainty, almost fear, that they will make a terrrible mistake which they can never rectify.

     Non-Christians have an easy answer: "Just know how to get out of a marriage as soon as you realize it's wrong." Or worse still: "Just try things out for awhile." There is no such easy option for the earnest Christian. On the other hand, World Christians have a tremendous advantage. To be a "World" Christian means that you have already committed not only your heart but your whole life to the Lord. You are under His orders. You've relinquished your "rights" to make your own decisions. He is the One in charge. Sounds great, but perhaps awfully theological? How does it affect dating and marriage? Let's give some personal examples.

     First of all, the sine qua non although you can be friends with non-Christians, dating (and romance) with such is automatically out. Why? For one thing, God commanded: "Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers." Therefore, you avoid the temptation itself by not allowing yourself to get romantically involved with non-Christians. Simple obedience to this rule saves a lot of heartache. Believe me.

     Right now a very close friend of one of my daughters is really hurting. Sometime ago she started dating a wonderful non-Christian, hoping he would become a Christian. He still has not, but by now she has fallen in love with someone she cannot conscientiously marry. And it hurts.

     As a World Christian, she should have looked for someone who was not only a Christian but also concerned about the world. Perhaps she did, for a long time. And then perhaps she gave up, thinking that there just weren't enough World Christian fellows to go around. Lots of wonderful girls do give up. The fellows take so long to decide to get married that by the time they do (often after age 30) the girls have already married someone else who is not nearly as well qualified. It is easy for guys to get married after 30; but for girls it is a different story. The girls need to have enough faith to wait; the guys enough faith to move. Both need the counsel of people who've gone that path before and who know the persons being considered.

     I think it would take a great deal of the pressure off if young people could be more involved in group activities. Paradoxically, a romantic-type situation is not the best way for a young person to find out what someone of the opposite sex is like. A girl needs to see how he relates to others, what they think of him, whether his faith is just for show or for real. There's a lot to be said for moving slowly. But having four daughters, I can add that it is especially hard for the girls since our society more or less expects the boys to make the first move.

     Thus my first principle is: Don't get anxious. Trust in the Lord. Seek His kingdom first, and He'll give you what is best for you.

     But my second principle is equally true: If you are heading for Boston, go to the station where the Boston trains are. In other words, if you feel God has called you to missions, go where other mission-minded young people are. The fellow shouldn't have to go on a treasure hunt just because the mission-minded girls don't want to appear forward. Be sensible. Don't rush off to the field before you give God (and the guys) a chance!

     My husband has tried to help our daughters to see the boys' side. I don't know how many girls he has challenged with "What right have you to force some good guy headed for missions to marry a girl who isn't at all capable of being a good missionary?"

     "How can you say that? I haven't done anything like that," they always remonstrate. "Oh, yes you have. If you deliberately go where you know you are unlikely to meet World Christians, then by default you have forced guys headed overseas to marry the wrong girls."

     Then there's prayer. There is no decision in life that requires more concentrated prayer than the decision of whom to marry (and thus, whom to date). Pray a lot; get your friends to pray for you. And hang on to your common sense that God gave you. If she/he is the one for you, you'll probably have a natural drawing that way to validate the conclusions of your prayers. If you don't, it may be that that person is not God's choice for you, no matter how godly, etc., he/she seems. I must add, however, that we personally know a couple of very good marriages where the wife was not at all drawn to the one who is now her husband. It took several years, much patience and a lot of prayer before he won her.

     I take dating very seriously, I admit. I'm sure at least one of my daughters must have told me more than once, "Mother, I'm not going to marry him just because I'm dating him." And my answer is always the same: "you tend to marry someone you are dating." Thus, my rule is, "Do not date anyone that you would be ashamed or unable to marry." It is true that dating is not the same as marriage. But you usually fall in love while dating. This is why it is important, before you fall in love, to decide whether that particular person is marriageable or not--for you.

     This means that if you feel the Lord wants you to be a missionary, the person you seriously date must not be the kind that has no intention of ever being a missionary. I would even suggest that if you feel you would be willing to be a missionary, but would rather not, and your boyfriend (fiancee) is definitely headed that way, you should either give him up or sort out your own heart. Love is strong and makes one able to surmount all sorts of difficulties. But in a pioneering cross-cultural situation, the two need to be agreed on God's call.

     "If you love him, let him go," is what I say. And yet there is another way. You may be right for him. In fact, you just might make the better missionary of the two. So try it out. Go on a short term somewhere before you get married, and preferably before you are engaged. God might be calling you through the one you love, but to really succeed on the field, you should also be called, not just go along because you love your mate.

     We often have smiled to think of how many wonderful young men today are involved in missions--either abroad or in mission mobilization at home--because of dating one of our four daughters. "I think we were very wise to have daughters," Ralph often says. "They have had an influence that I could not have."

     "I think it's important to go into a dating relationship with the attitude of how can I help this person to be all God would have him to be," one of them said. "For one thing, your're more able to relax and just be yourself. And then you don't have to feel guilty about breaking up. Your reasons for dating are not romance but friendship as Christians. I think that's important."

     "But how do you maintain a dating relationship," you may ask. "In today's society, most young people become romantically involved right away." Our family has found several principles to be of value here. One can be stated this way: Once you start a physical relationship, there's no road back. You either go forward or you have to break it off. So the way of wisdom is to shy away from physical contact, even kissing or holding hands. For one thing, it's awfully hard to hear what your head is telling you when your emotions are all tangled up. There's plenty of time for physical relaionships once you are married. So cool it. Listen to your head.

     In this vein, I have warned my daughters to steer away from lengthy conversations about "our relationship." It's a fascinating topic when both partners really like each other. But it's dynamite, and it leads very quickly into tangled emotions and then ultimately (unless great caution is taken) down that one-way road of physical involvement.

     Interestingly enough, that topic which is so fascinating during the dating stage is not sufficient to glue the marriage together afterward. Once all the private secrets are known, there has to be more than the relationship.

     I had dated several wonderful Christian young men before I met Ralph. One in particular tried hard to please me on our dates. But I was bored with the "entertainment." It didn't seem "real."  I fell in love with another, unwisely so, since he had not committed his life to missions as I had. We didn't go out alone very often. But whenever we talked, it was inevitably about "our relationship," which had no future. What a bitter-sweet experience. We never even held hands, but it took me years to get over him.

     I began to despair of ever finding someone who was going to be a missionary. (There weren't nearly so many around then.) Friday nights in particular were very lonely, especially when driving down the freeway behind a couple sitting close. But I finally came to a place where I told God that whatever He wanted would be fine with me. I was willing to be an unmarried missionary, if that was what He wanted.

     I didn't realize at the time that the prayer of renunciation often releases God's resources. It did with me. That very week I met Ralph. I was relaxed because I had decided I wouldn't be married. So I took him at face value and no more. He was not a potential mate. Not at first, at least.

     I was, however, fascinated with his conversation. He didn't try to entertain me. He talked about the world: about Afghanistan, where he intended to go some day, about Chiapas, Mexico, where he had gone on a short trip, about the world in general and missions in particular. He asked me what I thought about simple living. And without realizing it he demonstrated his lifestyle by the dates we had.

     Our type of "simple" dates were more satisfying to me than any other dates I had ever had. Perhaps because Ralph was fascinating. But also, perhaps, because instead of observing games or movies or whatever together, I was learning what it was that thrilled him. I was finding out what kind of person he really was, even some things that he thought I might not like (such as his radical lifestyle).

     As our daughters, one by one, began to date and then to marry, I have found this same pattern in their lives. The fellows they eventually married were not the ones who spent a lot of money on them, nor who tried hard to entertain them in the usual way. Rather they were the ones our daughters enjoy being with just because of who they were, their aspirations in life, their goals for the Kingdom. And, I must say, each one of our daughters married a gem.

     So how do World Christians maintain a healthy dating relationship? By building it around common interests in God's concerns. Stay away from the "relationship" topic until God has made it clear that this person is the one. On dates, go out with others couples, seldom by yourselves alone. Let your relationship bring honor to God in its purity its concern for the world. Don't get anxious. Believe that God is in the matchmaking business (isn't He), and that He knows what He is about. In the meantime, relax and glorify Him. There is an old maxim which is very true: God gives the best to those who leave the choice with Him. I have found it true. Our four daughters have found it true. I would recommend this for all World Christians. You can trust Him.

So it is my wish that everyone of you will live victoriously in your life, in your marriage life, or in your love life by following God's will closely and His guidance step by step...

Quoted from Starting You Day Right & by Joyce Meyer & October 13

Live Victoriously through Moderation

Let your moderation be known unto all men.     Philippians 4:5 KJV

God demonstrates our need for balance through the great varieties of foods He made availabe to us. We need some of all of it, but not all of any of it. If we overdo anything, it is just as bad as underdoing it.

     Some people think, If it is a good thing, then more of a good thing ought to be better. But that is not neccssarily true. Too much or too little can both be big problems. Balance is the key to powerful, victorious living. Ask God to show you how to stay in balance today.

Unquoted

I'm not extremely eager to get married or totally rejecting getting married. I'm just keen on seeking the truth as the truth will set you and me free. Once I know the spiritual meaning of it, I know why I'm doing what I'm supposed (or not supposed) to do in my life. Instead of doing it mindlessly following the crowd (as the crowd may think that it's normal to get married and have sex), I choose to think differently, to follow myself, to ask hard questions like Newton, "why did the apple fall down?" just when everybody thought that it's normal for apples to fall down... I raised questions like him too while everybody thought that it's normal for one to have sex, especially it's [not only normal but] legitimate to have sex in marriage...

So what did I ask God and how did he answer me? Stay tuned!

to be continued...