I am off in a few days to Hong Kong Filmart, one of the great events put on by the great folks at HKIFF 香港电影节. I remember last year heading on the ferry every morning to the convention centre, lined up in front of the security guard before the gates open. We were rather like over-anxious school kids waiting to start studies BEFORE the bell goes off. Run in, get your 5 minutes with a sales rep. Sometimes you both discover that you're both trying to sell to the other person and that neither of you are "buyers" (as in a company rep buying films for your territory). "Are you a buyer?", you get asked that question a lot, because this determines:
A) how much the person smiles when they look at you.
B) whether you have any importance in life and are thus worth sitting with.
Actually, that's an over-statement. Most of the people at the booths are perfectly nice, conversationable, and polite. But it's quite a lark, that quiet little moment when you arrive at certain booths and get "sized up", supermarket scanned, given a score that is judged in terms of "seconds I will spend with this person". This only happens every once and a while, but hey it's a market, so I guess you've got to prioritize.
Last year, at the end of the day, feet sore and mind spinning, I'd get back on the ferry to Kowloon, carrying quite an amazing "goodie bag" of brochures, looking for the cheapest place to get a bowl of noodles. Four days of this, going around in circles around the room, same faces, slowly getting more and more dour as the week progresses; glum expressions that finally look up at you and say, "Oh, it's you again. How I wish it was someone new..." until on the last day, everyone slouches in their chairs, exhausted, as if having just finished a long but good night of cards and cigars.
Spam. Since registering at Filmart my email has been inundated with mass-mail requests for meetings, many with the disclaimer "if you are not a real buyer please do not reply to this email". Of course I am not a real buyer. I have not the power, nor the know-how to "buy". Being spammed by people who don't want to meet you. Weird. One thing I found last year, for some it's rather like going to a speed dating event where only the guys turn up. "Have you seen any girls?", "no, have you?". "Well, do you want to just hang out together?", "No, not really".
Ah, if only I was a buyer... the attention I'd get, the wooing, everyone would want to give me their number. Open schedules would fall at my feet. And the parties, the wine, the excess!
But alas, when people ask me, "are you a buyer?", I just lower my head and whisper, "No - Oh, how I wish I was, but really I'm just a person - will that do?". The alarm sounds and the gate to a booth slams shut. Your allocated two seconds are over. And so it's back on the ferry, back to my favourite Kowloon noodle house - where they're happy to see me, a waiter wipes me a table, and where I can smile and proudly shout, "Yes, I am a buyer!".
