I've always been sayin that i am who i am and that i wont change for anyone unless i do it unknowingly... and i've always said that i am proud of who i am and that im not a faker, who you see is the real me... but after much thought... i have got no personality of my own.. i just get it from whoever i meet...is that me?
i havent figured that out till a few days ago...
so there i was sitting at the back of the van on our way to lucban, going to kamay ni hesus...w/c was in my previous blog. the long hours made me think about who i really am...
that's cuz my 16th bday is comin up..i know-still young....got lots to learn and im willin to learn em... =)
im really scared actually... thats cuz im gonna be a senior, soon going to college, have to get a part time job, have to grow up....eff im just not ready for it... i get so anxious when i think about having to do things my way, kinda just breaking away from this little kid that always hid behind her parents... im so not independent...
but anyway...who am i???
ive been influenced mostly by the chinese/taiwanese culture even though im not chinese/taiwanese.. not even close... got a few drops of french blood on me..but not of the chinese family.. basically that's me... just trying to act cool but lookin like a fo0l...
so one night...after i felt that God had left me, memories started to creep in...bad, bad memories...
memories that i wish i could erase, things i wish i could re-do..... things i regret doing.
and stupid things that i did juz cuz i wanted to be just like everyone else... teenage jealousy sucks...
i've made a lot of bad choices that ive regret over the years... somehow these memories didnt stop.. i tried to stop thinking about it, but its got stuck there somehow, haunting me...
i felt my heart heavy and nervous.. kinda like the feeling when u were a kid and u know u about to get some spankin from ur mom...
i drove me crazy!!!
so i felt defeated and prayed to god.... even though i kinda felt bad cuz i thought he abandoned me...[sumthin happened that day that really made me explode so...]
but just when i did..out of nowhere i started cryin like an actress on a bad telenovela....
i just told him... God, just help me get through this and help me get back on the right path and i dont wanna do this anymore..i love my mom and my family and i just cant take it anymore, i need ur help.... [or sumthin like that]
after that like 10min prayer..that longest prayer ive done...i know WEEAAAKKK...my heart felt all better,,,
so through that and the back of the van thing.. i was able to sum up who i am and through this blog i will be able to read it again sumday so that when i get lost along the way... i know how get right back on track.....!
*i am almost 16 at the moment...just a few more days.... young but hopefully mature enough to make the right choices..
*pure filipino and proud of it!
*grew up in a pretty normal family.. got no heart warming stories of struggles to survive
*computer geek and photoshop slave
[willin to photoshop anything...ahha]
*into Cpop although most people & most of my friends are into Jpop...[got singled out here =D]
*obsessed about Vanness and Da Zui Ba
[addicted to others but not obsessed]
*i wanna go back to HK and go see Taipei
*joined aNd cuz of Vann
*tryin...trying hard not to be vain
*scared to death with the words GROW UP
*not much talent...cant sing well enough, cant draw well enough, cant dance well enough...
hmm..i can solve a rubiks cube in 1min30..that's talent i guess xD
*wanna learn chinese and korean
*not the most devoted catholic, but trying
*wanna learn so much but got no funds to do it...[sometimes internet helps]
yeah basically thats it ill try to keep addin when i realize it....
Log in to alivenotdead.com with one of these trusted providers
NOTE: Users of the original website please Click here to reactivate your account.
New users - Join the alivenotdead.comcommunity instantly by confirming your identity with a trusted authentication service.
Returning users - Please use with the same authentication service to login to your alivenotdead.com account.
First time users can create a new account from scratch by authenticate using any of the following trusted services:
WARNING: If you disconnect all your social media accounts your profile will be locked and you will not be able to access it again. If you want to keep your page, please add another social media account and then remove this one.
If you understand the risks, click this box to deauthorize your account.