Wushu and Home

So I've been training wushu here and there inconsistently for the past couple months.  Going to the gym monday through friday, and trying to do one wushu class every 2 weeks, or once a week if i am lucky.

And it just hit me, that whatever I'm doing is not enough. Not enough you ask? Well physically I feel in good shape (going to the gym so much), but mentally and wushu technique wise i am really out of shape. Wushu is however, 90% mental, you practice so hard to gain that confidence you need to go out and compete. Even if physically and technique wise you might suck, that confidence and mental attitude will automatically put you at the top of your game. That is the biggest thing I lack right now. I know im in good shape, but my confidence in my wushu abilities has deteriorated. Of course I can still do the jump kicks and tricks and i know i am still fairly "clean" technique-wise, but that confidence i lack can only be reinforced if only i trained enough.

Since I decided to leave my job for various reasons, and my rent had ended, and all my friends are in shanghai, and wushu is in shanghai.... I moved back to Shanghai recently.

I've decided to try out for the US wushu team. (July 13-15) in Baltimore.

I have about 1 month left to really put things in gear, and regain that confidence i once had. Fortunately, i have been disciplined enough to go to the gym consistently 5 days a week, so getting back into "wushu shape" should not be such a huge hurdle. I do know i have a lot of catching up to do. By catching up I mean all the athletes in the US I'm sure have improved and are far more advanced wushu-wise then I am. So this next month of  intensive training will help me: 1. Get in wushu shape 2. Regain my confidence 3. Hopefully (im praying) allow me to catch up to a certain level of wushu that will enable me to compete with the other US athletes.

I know I am still fairly young, but I have been competing for over 12 years. This would be the perfect way to end my martial arts competition run. So as you can see, this tournament has a lot of sentimental value for me. I want to walk off that carpet feeling at ease with myself that i finished my last tournament the way i started my first one 12 years ago.... being 100%, putting out 200% of effort, feeling confident, passionate, and love for the competition. I have always been extremely competitive in a lot of things I do, martial arts in particular. I try to hide it a lot because it can consume me and drive me crazy. But now I will let it consume me, because it will push me to train that extra mile.

I really dont know what im saying anymore haha but basically the old compeititve tam is back.

But anyways, competing one last time would add closure to a huge chapter in my life. After retiring I can focus and move on to other things. Martial arts will always be part of my life, but competing will no longer be.

So this is my last run...... Win or lose it doesn't matter to me. But knowing i put everything out there on that carpet and walking off feeling good about myself is what I am really looking forward to.

Schedule:

Train wushu - June

Fly to LA - end of June

Fly to Baltimore to compete - July 13

Fly back to LA - July 15

Fly back to Shanghai - July 23