life is frail
Wednesday, Nov 26, 2008 11:12PM / Standard Entry
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Recently I got a call from the God-daughter of my nanny......nanny? I hear you all asking! Yes....I was fortunate enough to grow up with a nanny up until I was almost 8 years old. For the first 5 or 6 years, actually I was closer to her than to my own mother. I still have vague memories of crying outside the door of our bathroom as my Nanny took her bath...I slept with her whenever I was frightened or just plain couldn't get to sleep. She was actually family to all of us. Her ties with our family actually goes back to my grand-parents' days. Her mother worked for our family as a maid and then she came to our family as the little servant girl, as a part of my grand-mother's dowry when she got married to my grand-father. It may sound like slavery and all....but I had my Mom explain all this to me before. This was actually a very common practice back in the old days...in this case, I think it was back in the 1920s. When my grand-parents got married, my grand-ma was only 17. She had my big aunt when she was 18. Most servant girls when they themselves become of age, was also free to get married and start her own family. So there was no slavery involved. However, as a popular traditional practice of the Cantonese Shunde girls, they can also choose to comb her hair up in a bun (as opposed to the braids worn by young unmarried girls), and they commit their whole lives to her "master." She took care of my uncles and aunts, as well as my older cousins. I was officially the last child she brought up herself. As a result, she always had a soft spot in her heart for me.
She was known throughout our extended family to have the best cooking. Cooking Shunde dishes (Shunde being a very rich area in Guangdong) and some of the dishes she made was complicated and often took days. I remember every year, close to the Chinese New Year, she would cook up a storm by making the CNY snacks such as Chin Tui, fried cookies, turnip cakes, taro cakes, and the ubiquitous new year cakes. She did this all by herself...and this cooking preparation usually took 10 - 14 days. My love for food came from her, and it is her kitchen and her cooking that I have always come to miss as I grew older.
She officially retired after I somewhat grew up. Because she never got married, after her retirement, she lived with her God-daugher. I moved to Canada, and as a result, the past 15 years, I only saw her when I had the chance to come back to HK for a short visit. I officially moved back to Hong Kong in 1997, and the past 10 years, we would see each other during Chinese New Year, or whenver we have a chance to go out for lunch or dim sum. She remained special to all of us in our family, and even my uncles always visited her whenever they come back in town.
She fell ill last month, eventhough since her retirement, she started to have arthritis and ended up needing a wheel chair to get around because her knees really give her a hard time. She had breast cancer few years ago, and she made through the operation without much more than a scar. The doctors said because of her age, cancer cells do not spread that quickly, thus as a result, did not pose too big of a problem. However, last week, her God-daughter called me crying because she has now contracted Alzheimer and has lost control of herself. She was making havoc at home, throwing everything in sight on the floor, and screaming the names of my family and relatives, yelling for them. She was finally admitted into the hospital and after resting there for 3 days, she was released home. I went to see her yesterday, and seeing her lying in her bed, I felt the tears swell up to my eyes. However, I had to hold them back for fear of scaring her, and letting her see me worrying.
It is such sadness to see someone so close to my heart so frail and wilting. I have seen her always as a strong woman who has given up her own happiness for my family's. She has seen the passing of my grand-parents as well as some of my uncles and aunts, and somehow, she always remaind immortal to me. She is now 93, and up until yesterday, we always thought she would last forever. She never had much problems with eating, and she was never the type to pile on the clothes in the winter. The only thing that bothered her the past few years, were only her knees, and it is understandable because of her age. But now, seeing her lying there, it really breaks my heart. I tried to talk with her, and she was bearly able to talk, she was so frail. It also makes me wonder, what happen when I get old?
Life is short, and because of this, I have come to understand that everyone around us are here for a reason. we should always treasure our family and friends. Work is important, but lost work can be replaced by other jobs. But when a life is lost, it can never be replaced. Yesterday, I have seen an incredible woman who has given her life and devotion to our family, slowly wilting away, and it is such a remarkable and self-less act that I think not many people nowadays can replicate.
I do hope to see her get well soon and as i promised, to take her out for dim sum again. She was baptised as a Catholic a few years back through the influence of her God-daughter and I know if she passes on, she will be admitted at once in the arms of God.
Ave Maria
Amen.
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