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• yesterday had a nice party, today i had a crazy idea

  Monday, Jun 30, 2008 2:32AM / Standard Entry

  saturday is a strange day. i spend the whole day at the drama rehearsal. and at night, i thought of my ex ex gf the teacher again, i remember she was sick. and i am not feeling well at that moment. i wanted to care for her, so i called her, but no one answered the phone, and then i felt so lost. i almost could not focus on the drama technical setups, and then at 11pm, i called her again, no  one answered and i left her a voicemail telling her i want to know if she is doing ok. and then i tried to went home, but i wasn't so willing, so i left home again and called the other drama crew members and joined their party, it was a nice gang, i was almost the oldest person there. but it was nice even strangers interacted with me, and we had a nice time. and loads of alcohol too. an air hostess talked a lot about her life, being lonely every where, no constant work colleagues, no  special destination, and irregular hours, and during work, there are loads of demanding passengers, and even some colleagues aren't very nice because they know they may not be in the same flight in the future, so there is no need to be nice at all. i guess its not easy doing her job. we had fun till morning, and then we all went home. back home i couldn't sleep, keep on waking up every 1 hour. and then i originally arranged for the students to have a drama rehearsal at school at 11am, but when i woke up finally at 10am, i was so tired, and there was a thunderstorm out there, so i cancelled the event. and went back to sleep. i woke up at 3pm. still feeling so lost about my ex ex gf having missed my calls. then i had a flash, i went out and bought a nice looking ring, so i can give to my ex ex gf, and ask if she is willing to marry me, and to show i really serious about getting back with her. i had never bought her anything like this before, so i hope she will know i have changed. i know it's not the nicest looking ring around, and her admirers may even had given her a few more carets than mine, but i don't know, we lived together for 2 years, there is still some sentiment left for my only shot to work. i wrote a letter too. things like i had been wrong and should be banned for life, but there is also a saying called "better late than never", sth like that. i'll put it on her desk tmr inside an unsuspecting plastic bag so she won't reject it the moment she sees it. if i give it to her by hand, i am just worried that she will throw it on the floor right away, anyway, this is my last shot, and if she really threw my ring away and not even bothering replying yes or no , then i can finally lay her off. i know peachy had tried so long to tell me to lay her off, but sorry, i presevered. i'll let you all know her responses. and hope i can really sleep tonight. wish me luck. i don't know what to expect, apart from expecting next month to be a very poor month. haha hope the investment is worth it..
  
  

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• loneliness gets you

  Saturday, Jun 28, 2008 12:52AM / Standard Entry

  today i have 2 drama tickets for a thursday night drama, and i have them is because i bought it with my ex gf, the innocent victim girl. and then i asked a student girl from the drama club to watch it with me, but at the last moment, this girl said she didn't want to go, and then i don't know what to do, to watch drama is an significant event for me, so i don't want to watch it with a guy, and then there are not many girls who are immediately available and someone who attracts me to do so. and i don't know what to do , so i sent a sms to my ex ex gf the teacher to asked if she wanted to see a drama. there was no reply. and then another frd asked me to dine with her before her night classes began, i went. sadly , she is married already. we had a got chat over dinner. and then i set out to watch the drama alone. at the drama there was another single woman sitting next to me,  i have sick illusions that she is probably looking for some love and i might be the one, she has a great voice, a voice that i like to hear. and we laugh at the same times, and we like to move in a chair a lot, maybe we have something in common, maybe we can.......well the drama isn't very interesting, and i feel asleep several times. and she looked at me a few times, (maybe i annoyed her somehow)...the fantasies kept going on ,and then the drama finished, we left seperately. of course nothing happened, nothing will happen. loneliness gets you  sometimes. i  got mesmerized by the song chocolate by kylie minogue lately, its a good song, check it out on youtube. and then i decided to perform it in the school's singing contest as a guest. i spent then light generating music as the backing track, well it sounded like a cheap ringtone, but i don't care. i just want to perform it badly, it has a good feel. since my last days at the school i work in is approaching, i guess a little fun for everyone is good. maybe someone will record it and i will put it here in the blog. the next morning, i sent an angry email to my ex ex gf the teacher for no replying my SMS, saying something like i tried to reverse my mistakes, but she let me know it's not worth it. something like that she wanted me to learn to take up the responsibility from making bad decisions and now i have learned it and she doesn't want this lesson to end, and she wants me to bear this responsibility until i rot in my grave. i don't know if she will read the email, maybe i will give her a handwritten copy and force her to read it.she is still a very beautiful woman. and i like looking at her. evening came , and then were two student girls planning to organize a graduation dinner, and then my fantasies came again...
  
  
  

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• one last thought before i can sleep...respect to my ex-gfSSSSS

  Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 2:10AM / Standard Entry

  this is a scary thought: u spend two years loving a person, u spend time living with this person, and then this person leaves you, and you decided these two years are a complete waste of time. but what is considered a complete waste of time? if u are able to change this person to be better before he/she leaves you or this person changes to be a better person after he/she leaves you, will u still consider those 2 years a complete waste of time? or should u need some kind of reward to prevent u from feeling that spending time loving a person that leaves you is a waste of time. but how do u measure reward in a relationship? gifts? love? number of time he/she helped me wiped the floor? the amount of time spent with me? a marriage? a simple "thank you"?i really want to declare one thing right here, right now, RESPECT to my ex-gfSSSSS, they have all contributed in shaping me to become a better person. i know the end results of the relationships had not benefited them , but making someone better is magical, you don't see that very often, i hope you can appreciate your effort, my ex-gfSSSSS, don't just feel spending time with me was some bad investment.stop taking out your calculators and try to determine whether it has been a waste of time plus effort or not. i want to love you all back but it is impossible anymore, there is no trust anymore, no faith anymore. so why not just think back and deal with the time lost with a smile? you have changed me into a better person, appreciate your efforts, and for everyone else, respect to my ex-gfSSSSS
  
  
  

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• bloody typhoon, thanks and no thanks

  Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 12:02AM / Standard Entry

  typhoon came and went , leaving a pool of water in my home. since i got a leaking air duct. i spent 30 minutes using silicone sealant to seal up the cracks, and then i have to sniff some chemical smell for the whole day because i cannot open the windows to make the smell go away, because the wind is strong and rain is heavy. i just wonder whether  it is because of poor craftsmanship or just that water is too versatile, and sometimes, i just think, why me? why do i end up in this flat. i want to get mad and lose my temper, but i couldn't, it is different from the past, i am glad. because i used to have bad emotional swings in the past, and now its gone. great. one good thing about the typhoon is that it gave me a holiday. too bad i couldn't use today to create the song i wanted because i was too busy worrying about the leaking. attended the drama rehearsal at night and the kid i brought to the drama to pick up my mess has done a great job. inside the theatre, i felt like a square peg in a round hole, but the truth is , i spent 9 years on drama already, i used to think i fit in.now, i realized, i don't. what i see what i feel is useless in this theatre, no matter how many years i spend in it. does it hurt? no. spend the afternoon watching some old movie about some high school kids making a solar car and racing across australia. one thing i dont like about it is that there are too much twists and turns in the storyline, some are completely brainless additions, like the chase at the very end and the solar car falling apart after this needless chase.i know drama is important in the film's story, but there is a big difference between drama and thoughtless scrīpt writing.  i think i this blog is going nowhere, i just keep on saying how i feel everyday. i felt that i have no more left to entertain my readers anymore...now i have to enjoy an episode of house, see you later
  
  

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• i forgot to mention one thing...

  Wednesday, Jun 25, 2008 1:30AM / Standard Entry

  actually , though i mentioned i feel so hopeless about myself in my previous blogs, i still believe i can do something, but not in HK, definitely not in HK. HK people have such conformed tastes, governed by critics, magazine editors, the free market. i feel very f**ked up. no one talks serious, everyone just try to talk as much gags as possible. i do have a sense of humour, but i don't need to use it every second to send out a message. i really hope i can try some creative work outside hong kong, and my english is ok enough to communicate with people so i know i have a shot, just that i need to repay my debts first (we all make mistakes when we were young right). i am still positive about my life. typhoon as arrived , hope no one gets hurt, especially people i care about.
  
  

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