Usually I keep shit to myself, to avoid looks of "WTF are you talking about?" But here, with an audience of about 3, I feel safe.
Which brings me to the topic of gender (not a smooth segue but...)
I find that I am more comfortable around males. Not because I want the attention or think I am a man's woman. No, I have always felt more masculine than feminine.
Never mind that spending too much time with females makes me want to gouge my eye out (the left one thi...Read more
There are some strange phobias deeply embedded in my psyche. Most people suffer from common ones: arachnophobia, agoraphobia, fear of heights, etc.
Mine are...well, a bit different
Some of my fears (not in any particular order, just felt the list should descend in an aesthetically pleasing way):
Hey, I never claimed to be sane :)
I had been able to say "hi" more often and askyou how your day was.
If only I had refused the urge to turn away all those times you wouldn't.
If only you had known...
That I am very well aware Claritin isn't taken every 4-6 hours...
That the viscous nature of the cough syrup when coupled with the comparatively larger surface area of that paper cup (vs. the dosage one) made for poor time management. That the reason I put H2O in there was because getting the fuck out of that room as s...Read more
Will be posting a new blog up later tonight. Until then, here is one of my favorite poems...Fedor Tyutchev(English and Russian version).SilentiumSpeak not, lie hidden, and conceal the way you dream, the things you feel. Deep in your spirit let them rise akin to stars in crystal skies that set before the night is blurred: delight in them and speak no word. How can a heart expression find? How should another know your mind? Will he discern what quickens you? A thought once uttered is untrue. Dimmed is the fountainhead when stirred: drink at the source...Read more
There is such a fragile beauty in the seemingly mundane, in the everyday moments we halfheartedly mind. Over the most recent 12-month span of my life, a certain cascade of life-altering events happened to transpire. After much reflection, it is now apparent thismauvais quart d'heur, was/is/has been my deliverance. It's as if I am experiencing the world around me for the first time, relishing in the minutia, the details, the little things. Just as a child's neural framework is determined large...Read more
Solipsism at its finest...If only I could view life sub specie aeternitatis ~ Finally, I do not have to continue pretending....Pretending to be ignorant, to know nothing.I don't have to play dumb, ask questions I already know the answer to, purposefully misspell words or say something that doesn't make any sense out of fear of sounding like a freak.
I will not sit here and wallow in self-pity...life brings unexpected changes and through our behavīor new possiblities arise.
You asked what I expected of you
I answered "nothing, surprises are what make life exciting"
Our inherent talents, quirks, flaws, and dispositions
Are complex, sometimes extravagant, and ultimately...unique
It would've been terribly unfair of me to hold pre-conceived notions
Of what I wanted or expected you to be like
Instead, I welcomed our differences...even enjoyed them
I tried to learn more about what makes you...you
And there I was just being "me"...whi...Read more
There are some people who like to vent their hatred for America. They may do this while sitting in their apartment, at their desk, drinking coffee and plugging away at their $2000 computer. Or they might complain of our capitalist imperial society, as they get in their car and drive to the grocery store (probably Whole Foods), then to Barnes and Noble to check out the latest books recommended by a friend, and then perhaps some magazines (wired, popular science, national geographic, maxim).
To these people I ask: If America is just ...Read more
You know when people say to you "tomorrow is a new day", or "tomorrow will be better"? Bullshit, I say, for today I feel 10x worse than I did yesterday, and I am banking on feeling even more horrid tomorrow.
This is a potent strain, and it is hell bent on keeping me in bed 24/7. It is a feeling that all of you have encountered at some point in your life: breathing difficulties, sinus pain, hoarseness, sorethroat, fever, lethargy, loss of appetite, chilled to the especially painful aching bones.
But now, someth...Read more
Mother, Scientist, Writer, Activist