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kori southwick
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vodka and family (and my heart)

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUA7zSTTi8Y

               
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I had my sis in law over for junk food and chick flick movies.......then came the vodka:(  I have some around because i use it for a lot of different things(one is i have a recipe to make my own mouth wash..dorky, but interesting:)

 But i dont like to get drunk. Why is it that ppl think you cant have a good time with out getting hammered?!  I feel bad, cuz i fibbed. I took a drink and then I dumped out my cup and refilled it with straight juice.....LAME!  WHY dont i have the guts to just be like, "Hey...i know you already make fun of me cuz im a square, and i have dabbled in the drinking thing before (big reason why i dont any more) and i know you just want to have a good time, but im not going to drink." OH im so mad at myself. I can be SO strong and stubborn. How can i be so solid one minuet then CAVE when im worried ill hurt someones feeling if i dont join them in their pain.   

 We did have fun. I was just having a good time, She  thought i was drunk...its funny i am clumsy. lol.  We got into some of my old high school  formal dresses, Halloween costumes (lol my husband has a spiderman costume, he surprised our 3yr old son one morning, Cloud still talks about it all the time:) I put on one of my fav aprons and made us dinner while wearing a formal dress that makes me look like the tooth fairy (haha). I made Ribs, yummy potatoes,  and one of my famous "everything in the garden" salads ( not as good as the ones i make fresh from the garden, but good:)  There was junk food galore. I snuggled up with my coffee canister full of peanut M&Ms. (ugh, yes, you CAN have to much of a good thing lol) we  chatted with old buddys on FB and goofed around on the net. I showed her some music vids i like and stuff. I LOVE to laugh, and im rather gullible, so its easy to make me laugh.  I can be a ham:) or so my mamma says:)

It was all fun. So why do i feel so bad? I really dont like to lie. Its a SIN! and its inexcusable. I feel like just PRETENDING ( i say pretending, but i made no attempts to act like a fool) to have the vodka was  bad.  I feel like by "protecting" myself, i just missed out on an opportunity to be a good example, and share Gods love.  Just by letting someone assume i was on the same page as them, ive let down my morals and i feel so disappointed in myself.  I did have a sip. But the taste....it was so gross (I was young and stupid once, i dont mix well with drinking) 

 im also mad because I was tempted to drink it ANYWAY!!!!!. For  a moment i was like,  "Im a grown up, why CANT i have this!!" Now i feel ashamed of my weakness. It seems i still have a ways to go. Im not very happy with myself tonight. I KNEW better, and i didnt care.  I totally deserve to have a hang over in the morning!  But i think i feel worse already...

I really didnt think i would react this way to a challenge. I really need to pray about this, and what it means about my heart.....I have been under so much pressure lately. this kind of snuck up on me.  No excuse.

So sad   Fun times ruined by a lie and vodka:(

over 9 years ago 0 likes  0 comment  0 shares

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James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from bein

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January 11, 2010