I have learned something over the last few years. and yes, i like to learn things for myself and all to often, its the hard way lol. What Ive come to realize, is that while we ALL have relatives, not everyone is family. With in my own family, on my mothers side, i grew up listening to my mom complain to my dad about this person or that person taking advantage of grandma. "I just dont understand why she wont tell them NO!!! Shes on a fixed income! and they are old enough to know better!"
It always seemed to me that my moms side of the family was just out to gossip and hurt one another, but when they were down and out, they would expect you to act like family and pick up the tab. On my dads side, it was sort of the same. Drama Drama Drama. I could write a lot blogs of how i was confused as a child, all i could blame on my relatives. Dont worry, i wont. :) And dont get me wrong, there were some good times in there too!
I was the third youngest of the 7 grand babys. but i was always the smallest. Ill never forget the time i had enough of being pushed and bossed around. it was the first time i punched someone in the nose. i cried more than they did. lol
Anyway, the long winded point im trying to make, before i drag you all down memorie lane with me, is that no one can choose their blood relatives. But they don't have to define you. I come from a long line of gossipy, dramatic slightly drunk people. on both sides... For a long time, i felt like there was this ticking time bomb of when i was going to be like them. I was so worried about my life ending up like my crazy relatives, that i stopped talking to them all together. The sad thing is, they didn't even miss me. But it did give them something new to talk about.! The good thing is, i couldn't of care less. While i missed the bond we are supposed to share as blood kin, it takes two. I was tired of being hurt and taken advantage of.... or just out right ignored.
Its been three years that I quietly shut them out of my life. In these years, Ive grown a lot. ( though im still the smallest :) God keeps moving me to reconnect to my relatives, and try to reconnect the family. I see now that i needed to leave them to their cycles, and I had to brake out. But it is my responsibility to show my relatives the same compassion Jesus tells us to share with strangers. When i realized that i was more open to share my heart with a stranger in need than my own relatives, I felt God calling me back to the family he gave me to.
He has a plan for everyone. some people are called to missions around the world. Not everyone that wants to serve over seas can go. ( Its still one of my dreams id love to experience) Some of us may not even realize that we already have our calling. Its your crazy relatives, so go pick up the phone! lol Im not saying forgive and forget! Dont be and enabler! If they can do for them selves, then give encouragement to follow thru, not a way out. Just be the bigger person and Love them more. At times I feel i need a tag team guy, but God is there. I truly believe he wouldn't put something before us that we could not rise above. Its not his way to make us fail, its his way to build us up. This week my big prayer is for all the family's (including mine) that are divided and need to be showered with compassion.
God bless you and yours!:)
I wrote the above a few moths ago...now that im getting ready to share this side of my heart with family and friends, i just want to clarify...most of the issues i had with family, were of my own making, I held on to little hurt feeling from the past, and let them stew until i was just overcome with anger and disappointment...I dont hold any negative feelings towards any of my relatives, i just had to figure out what family was. how to have a relationship with ppl who genetically are closer to you than anyone else on the planet, yet they are complete mysterys to me. and the way my mind works, i felt like there were lines drawn by our elders in the fam that prohibited us from really connecting, all of which is only as true as you let it be... because no one ever called ME, and thought only to pass info thru my parents, one of which doesnt get along with everyone....it just made me feel like i wasnt worth much. Cuz you all had each other, and your blood was thicker than ours...and while im rambling and such, let me just say, as the smallest.....yeah im small, but dont underestimate me. i dont know if you think im to little to know some truths about our family, or if you think im a priss... I dont know what you think at all...its been so long... lol I am looking forward to the rest of our lives:) Gramas genealogy obsession (oh yeah, i DID call it that lol:) is nothing with out relationships, i dont want us to end up names on lists....or the kids...they dont even know each other...doesnt that just seem strange!?
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