Its not like this is anything new... my Husband was a gamer looong before I met him. When I was playing with barbie dolls and the original polly pockets, he was playing Nintendo or any video game thingy he could get his hands on. Some would call it an addiction. Really, its not... He just never grew out of it. How could he? as he got older, the games grew to suit his generation!
Sure I played Duck hunt and Mario brothers as well as other super Nintendo games... but I played them in the winter time, after romping around outside for hours and hours. It didnt appeal to me like it did him. I also had to fight my brother and all his friends to get a turn (or go cry to momma;), if I had my friends over, and Josh had his friends over, it was strange how fast my friends would get all geeky and droll over the older boys.. all of whom in my opinion were stinky and rude. ;) Its gross that everyone thought my brother was "hot". ick-IE!
For Dale, video games were built for him. Boys are testosterone driven, a lot of games are geared towards that. He has been a big comic book reader, gamer and cartoon buff all his life. Given his childhood, it was a way to escape the craziness of his rather brutal upbringing. I think there is something to be said about the feeling of holding a controller. Geewiz, I donno, could it be control? ;) Games were something he could excel at, just for him. Something he could do with his friends and compete with. Competition is a corner stone of many aspects of development. Learning how to be a good sport when you lose is one:) He once spent an entire summer grounded from tv because he got into a fight after school. Never mind the fact it was 6 against 1, him being the one. I guess it was because he gave it as good, if not better than he got it. He grew up in a city that it was normal to get jumped after school. (He didnt move out here to the sticks until 6th grade. He was a tough city boy, used to a fight when I met him. ) Dale has never been a video gaming couch potato. He has always been more interested in "becoming the STONGEST THERE IIIIISSSSS" ~Testosterone, i am at peace with knowing ill never really understand it ;)
So whats the problem you ask? Weeeeelllllll, Ill tell you. on more than one occation, lets be honest, on more than 50! occations in reacent momory, the xbox has SUCKED OUT MY HUSBANDS COMMON SENSE AND BRAIN!!!!!!! Its getting to be REALLY ANNOYING! and depressing :( Over the years, I have ignored that 1000 yard stare he gets when he plays. He can still carry on a conversation with me. For most of our marriage, thats been enough to keep me sane~ this last october we have been together 10 years!!!! WooOOOP WhooOOOP!! ;)
Ive been stewing on this for over a year, and yes, Ive nagged when it became unbearable. Im not perfect;).. I looked up you tube videos of wives and girlfriends smashing their honeys xboxs...
While it was funny to watch, I wouldn't do that, and ill tell you why (some of you guys out there will think im nuts, and others will wish your girl friends or wives were more like me)
I wouldn't smash his xbox because
first of all, he is the head of this household. I know that sounds 15th century to most of you, but I respect my husband, his wishes, and his property (even though by marriage, its half mine, i would call dibbs on the hard drive;)
Second, If i smashed it, I would be acting short sighted and as childish as I am accusing him of being...
Third, If I did, Id feel so bad id have to buy him a new one, and Im to cheap to spend the doe;)
I thought about hiding it... I knew he would be really mad and probably want to hide my sewing machine... but after he calmed down and spent the day sulking in the gym, I know he would come around and embrace the conditions I would set for finding out where I hid it.
All I would ask for is 2 weeks... Two weeks to detox from the xbox.... He is BIG into healthy living! He actually likes to fast every now and agian! I KNOW he would see the benefits from a little xbox fasting (after he was done spewing with rage;)... I woulnt ask him to do this alone! i would be more than willing to give up something He finds a distraction on my time! Something he thinks is annoying that I do... Though I am pretty perfect, So i dont think he would really want to change anything;) hahaha well, maybe He would like to watch a movie with out having me poke him with my ice cold feet until he rubbs them;) haha Or maybe he would want me to give up tv too... i know he doesnt like to watch Pawn Stars, or American Pickers like I do... I would TOTALLY give up a habit, or recreation that i like and learn to give more of me to my family.
(even though i already wake up early, cook three hearty country meals a day, bake goodie for the cookie jar and cake tray on a weekly basis, Home school, Keep the house as clean as i can with three little kids running around screaming like wild children, scrubbing the floors on my hands and knees, doing the dishes by hand because I am to old fashioned for a dish washer, Do all the laundry, take care of the animals, run any errands at a moments notice for him, keep the grocery's in check so we dont run out of anything and starve, Change light balbs, Fix anything I can on my own so I dont have to add it to his todo lists, Take on odd and end sewing jobs for folks, clean other peoples houses. Baby sit little ones so it easier for their mommas to work out (I dont get paid for that, its more for the gym, and i looooove babies).... EVERYthing I do is for everyone elses comfort and security... but hey, if he can think of anything i can improve upon.. ) .... after some checking of my heart, I want to be honest and say that while I strive to all of the above and more, i havent been as fantastic as I want;) Im going thru a bit of a rut, I have sorta felt like, "well, everyone else gets always with doing less..." but thats not me. Ill be the only one standing before Jesus answering for my life decisions.
I guess thats what I want him to do. He is a wonderful provider, and I understand and embrace the fact that his Achievements in Halo bring him some kind of joy! I GET IT! I do! But my heart has been telling me that we are missing out on SO MUCH MORE! He teaches his morning classes, then while i am doing school with the kids, he will "hop" on for a "sec" and get his acheivments done. well, he has been getting sucked in for about 7 hours, to him a blink of an eye....... then he has his after noon and night classes and thy run till late. He will usually watch a movie or spend time with me after the last people go home. I adore our time together;) He is my best friend and my better half. Because he respects me )and im so darn cute;) he is careful to keep our few hours of peace and quiet a routine.
The thing that is annoying me is He isnt pulling his own weight when it comes to family time and projects around the house and land. My green house collapsed in the last big wind storm, well, It wouldn't have if he would have gotten it done like I said to instead of playing halo till it was to late to really start working, trying to rush before a class, then stopping in the middle of the project to teach. The gym come first, i FULLY support that! If he doesn't teach our students well, and they go on to a fight they are not prepared for, they get hurt. Thats a big responsibility we have, to help these guys (and gals, luv ya btw;) go after their dreams and not get to terribly hurt in the process! I feel like his prioritys have been wonkie at best. i want him to just say "NO" to halo.
ARGH! This coming from the susie home maker who not only supported her hubbys game nights with the guys, but MADE COOKIES AND TREATS for him to take with! When they set up a game day (usually right after something cool is released) They ask what i am cooking, they know I dont let him go any where empty handed;) Im so blessed to have a fast metabolism, i dont know what I would do if I had to be held accountable for all the goodies I eat...
NO WONDER he is confused!!!! i SPOILED him by catering to his video gamer love...
I guess I cant blame him for not taking my hurt feeling seriously. We did name our son Cloud...yep ff7~
It bothers me how distracted he gets when playing. He cant afford to be distracted from these years in our children lives. He is the head of the household~
Ephesians 6:4 says
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children. instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the LORD."
The kids cant get everything they need from me. Im only one half of the whole. I may be the sillier half, but he is the stronger. I need him to be strong for me too. Over these last few months, I have hit a wall in so many ways. Spiritually, emotionally, physically. I try to be happy, but all my frustrations boil over one way or another. i really need him to fully guide this family. The decisions he makes is an example to the kids. He doesnt see it, but the girls are looking to him to see how a husband and father should treat a wife and kids. Putting us on the back burner really hurts, and not just us, I see everything in long term generational views. I dont want cycles to be repeated from either of our familys. I know he doesnt either.
This is where I rant a little... IN life there is no starting or finishing, just living. Meaning you can say you will start that new workout on Monday, but you may die on Sunday (when i was 6, my little friend died in a farming accident, I was a little weird after seeing her in the casket, death has always been in perspective for me sense then i guess...). Plans are very well and good, but missing out on moment to moment LIFE is throwing away the gift that is the preseant. WORK now~play later! Play now~PAY LATER! WE are NOT guaranteed tomorrow! even for something as noble as being a good father. This world is not a play ground its a battle field! COME ON!!! WAKE up and make a change! This family is ur legacy! they inherit our habits and HOPE! LETS GIVE THEM JOY!!! TRUTH!!! PERSPECTIVE!!!!!!! ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!
He isnt the only one in need of a heart check. I shouldn't let myself get jealous and angry, then stew on it for a while. making my own poison;p I have been reading in Ephesians and I gatta say, I really needed the wake up call;)
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