! Choose language


  • James 1:27
    Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being POLLUTED by the WORLD.
    ~ oi vay ;) i have a lot of work to do in my <3

My blog

  • Black Best Christian! ~Wuaah~

    Thursday, Jan 27, 2011 3:31AM / Standard Entry

      When you become a Christian, then the old you passes away and you are a new creation. Yes?
    God will let you live just about the same way for a while, then he will start showing you how to be better. Always showing you ways to improve. Yes?
    And when you see the hypocrisy of your old life, in the light of your new, Its a new level of understanding and standards. Yes?
    Then how is it that we have so many Christians claiming to follow Jesus yet they live their lives comforted by false doctrines and blindly following wolves in sheep's clothing.
    We need to pray for the Body of Christ. we are to be his hands and feet, yet so many of us are going with the flow. We need a revival! Amen?! Amen~
    ;) I thought of another way of expressing what is on my heart:) ill try and type it best i can. I sparred some of the students tonight and I caught an elbow with my pinky knuckle..OUCH*IE:) hahaha
    ok, so just about everyone knows about the belt ranking system;) we dont use one, we have our own system, its called when u get there youll know (well, we have one, we just dont make a big deal to the students about it;) Belts lead to pride and pride leads to bragging;)

    White belts are new Christians. Fresh in the faith! Praise the LORD!! WooOOHoooO! Happy Birthday little sissy & bro!LOVE YA! =)

    Next is Yellow belts~This is the group who knows the basics of Sunday school,and they are reading thru the Bible, learning ALL the Chosen ppl, and battles :) for now its enough to process.

    Then they mature into green! (my fav color btw;) Greenies start to question parts of the Bible. Where was God before he created the Earth, Why did the Israelite s FORGET so OFTEN! At this point, you are learning So much and putting the knowledge out there for discussion. Hopefully you have someone Higher in the belt system to talk to, a mentor. But even if you do, your BIGGEST sensei should be the Holy Spirit.

    Brown is a rank you get after many trials and tears. I like to think of it as muddy;) This is a season in your life when all the Sunday school lessons, daily devotionals and memory verses are put to the test, thru you. The Devil will try and make you question everything. This is when you find out if you have a religion, or a relationship with the Living God.

    Then theres a black belt. Black Belt Christians still face hard times! This is the time when you will have to stand and fight. hold fast to Jesus's teachings. The world will hate you, but we are to expect that. It hated Him first. This is a time when the Lord will speak to you in every thing you do. The holy Spirit will tug on your hearts strings and let you know when you are straying off the path. If you lean away, you may very well slip into a rut. Black Belt Christians are teachers. Able to lead others, to sooth the younger ones with out watering down the Gospel. a baby cant grow on watered down milk!

    Hebrews 5: 11 We have much to say about this, but it is hard to make it clear to you because you no longer try to understand. 12 In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word ALL OVER again. You need MILK, not solid food! 13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

    I know its a little silly to put it this way. My brain is still in the gym. My hand hurts too:)
    But i just now became aware of the levels, and it was either try and explain them like this, or go with Donkey Kong;) hahahahaha
    Love ya'll!=)




  • Oh be careful little eyes what you see~

    Wednesday, Jan 12, 2011 3:31AM / Standard Entry

      Oi Vay~ This has been a hard blog to write. I feel like SO much of my heart gets lost in the black and white text.
    Ive written and deleted a blog about my drawing,  i think Ill take a stand with my Sword rather than try to explain what God has been telling me in my own hollow words. He speaks to my heart~

    Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
    6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

    James 1: 26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world

    Luke 11:  33  (Jesus said)  “No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light. 34 Your EYE is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy,  your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy,  your body also is full of darkness. 35 See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. 36 Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.”

    Matthew 18: 9 And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.

    Hebrews 5: 11 We have much to say about this, but it is hard to make it clear to you because you no longer try to understand. 12 In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word ALL OVER again. You need MILK, not solid food! 13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

    Matthew 15: 9 They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.’10Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. 11 What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.”

    Matthew 16: 24Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 26 What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? 27 For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.

    Mark 12:29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”


  • my spontaneous vow of ~silence~

    Monday, Dec 13, 2010 5:35AM / Standard Entry

    Ive decided to do as my momma always told me... "if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all."  Ive hit a road block in my spiritual battle... more like a mine field of DOOM!! Blood and guts flying everywhere! BOOM! ;)
    I had high hopes when i woke up this Sunday morning;) i had a wonderful day planned with the family all home, cozy warm, doing some crafts we have been wanting to do~ listening to Christmas music and worshiping together~ sounds lovely right? well, one thing lead to another and no one wanted to play along with the montage of joy i imagined;) I got sooo very frustrated when my hubby TURNED ON THE XBOX... it was like a slap in the face. I thought he would give me ONE DAY! ...... I said somethings to my husband. Even though it was the harshest truth of how i felt at the time, it didnt build either of us up. In fact, it may have been a little to honest (I donno about you, but I have some dark menacing thoughts ramble thru my head at times, especially when im already angry, im such an easy target.
    I called my sister (love ya;) and BELLOWED my FUSTRATION, deppresion, angst, and everything thing else thats been brewing and boiling. I told her that i closed my bible this morning and was just filled with anger. God hasnt been talking to me lately. Or Ive built a wall. I am struggling with false doctrines I grew up beliving and now that i am reading the scriptures, I find things i misunderstood, and were taught differently... UGH!  Lately, the Bible has not lifted me up at all. I dont know what is happening. Actually, I do.  Im in a battle and I forgot to bring my sheild of faith!   I think ive been going to the Bible as my life line, and thats just not so! The Holy Spirit is here with me, Jesus is praying over me, God is LOVING me!  I need to break down whatever wall ive built and build my relationship with God.
    After getting of the phone with my sissy,  I felt a bit better, a little recharged. I decided to make lunch for everyone and then go to my room and pray till i have to make dinner ;) well, I started cooking, and Its almost like the devil heard me say what my plans were, because things stated happening, one right after the other that were threatening to set me off in a CRAZY screaming fit!!  I was losing Patience and focus by the milla second.
    Thats when it hit me, I need to SHUT UP!  If i even yelled at the dog, to get out of the garbage can 1 MORE TIME, EVERYTHING was going to spew from my mouth in a venomous rage.  The kids would have been upset, my hubby would get mad, the dog wouldn't listen anyway... there would be NO winning if i lost it.  So ive decided to give it away. Im not talking. I dont want to say whats on my mind, in my heart and running thru my brain, because it hasnt really helped so far! i WANT a change in this house. I know i set the mood, and im just not strong enough to keep this up. I cant keep a tight rein on my tongue.
                                                                     James 3:1-12 says

    1Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.3When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salta water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

    I dont have a 1000 people congregation to teach, I dont have a multi million dollar ministry reaching out to the far corners of the world. But I AM a teacher. Not because i homeschool, because i am entrusted with three precious souls to train in the ways of our LORD Jesus.  I have not been a very good momma lately. Its because ive lost my focus. I havent been waking up with a prayer to be filled with the holy spirit and grace! I havent really been praying at all... not like i should not as an open line of communication keeping a relationship healthy and strong.  Im suffering the consequences of being a stubborn stiff necked person.

    I saw the chance to turn away from sin and run in the opposite direction. Instead of opening my mouth to  "tell it like it is and how it ganna be!" I said as calmly as I could... "Im not talking for the rest of the day"  and that was it.  I want to live by actions for a while. see how things change..  We are a very cuddly family, we do show our love for each other. I say it often... but i also say a lot of other stuff to... "Stop arguing! thats IT!" "I dont care WHO started it! im finishing it!" " go to your room!"    I feel more like a referie, and its because i put myself in that position. there is a time and place for all that, but i am tired of talking, "When will this round be over? oh, ok...(20 min later) Why did u start another game?! you know i needed you!"   Im tired of yelling, Saying things i regret later,   and im tired of not being heard. 

    Im not going to set a time and say ill talk then. I want to be holding on to Jesus, not the clock. Ill trust the holy Spirit to tell me when ive crossed the finish line.  Ive been wanting to fast, but my health hasnt permitted me to, id just get sick, dizzy pass out and grumpy.  and every time  ive thought about it, it hasn't rung true in my heart.  My problems begin with my mouth. 

    and so its time to shut it ;)

    keep me in your prayers;)


  • a little post that grew into a heartfelt blog;)

    Tuesday, Dec 7, 2010 12:15AM / Standard Entry

    I wrote this  on fb, as a comment to a family member;) it sorta grew into a big long winded but meaningful message that i needed to write to hear:)

    What about Romans 12:9-21?
    9 Love MUST be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
    10 Be devoted to one another in LOVE. Honor one another above yourselves.
    11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your SPIRITUAL FEVER!!!! (WOOHHOOO) , serving the Lord.
    12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
    13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

     14 BLESS those who persecute you; bless and do NOT curse.
    15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
    16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

     17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
    18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on YOU, live at peace with everyone.    (no one can control another person, there would be no wars if ppl would realize this...you cant change them, but they dont have to change you for the worst.)
    9 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.    WooOO HooOOO!! hes got this!
    20 On the contrary:

       “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
       if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
    In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

     21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

    If you try to live your life biased on "self" all your doing is feeding into your flesh. pride, entitlement, judgmental thoughts, all of which take away from Gods calling on your life. If I let my self live by self worth, My whole world would be one moody happy grumpy score keeping  roller coaster of emotion. Sure you can talk yourself into a state of being, but the devil is just waiting to put THAT to the test. I guarantee the pumped up self sufficient you will fail. Dont be an idiot, its moment like that that make the devil smile.  Shouldnt our family history prove this all the more? how many generations have to go thru the same cycles until we stop trying to control others, letting them control your actions and dig a bigger hole for the next generation.
    The real question here is, and yes its the question we all need to ask ourselves multiple times a day!!!! What would Jesus do? If this makes you laugh, or think of the Jesus freak movement back in the 90s with the bracelets and t shirts,  you are missing the point. In every action, there is an opportunity to shine for God. Was Jesus being selfish when he healed the sick and drove out demons? was Jesus being selfish when he fed the hungry?   Was Jesus thinking about himself when he SUFFERED AND GAVE HIS LIFE for our sins? Knowing that so many would mock him.
    This life is not about being a door mat. Its all how you see it.  Sure a door mat gets walked on, muddy boots get stomped and wiped all over, my dog PEES on my door mat!!!  But the door mat is a tool, useful, welcoming and needed to bring people safely into the warmth and safety of the home. Christians are called to be tools for God.  Like door mats;) We are called to LOVE one another, even more so our enemies. So that thru us, they too might see the light and be welcomed into Gods family. There is nothing the Blood of Jesus cant wash away. If we keep tru to the faith, and seek HIS guidance,  we can see we are not really door mats being used and abused, carrying around everyone elses muddy messy burdens... We are servants to the God most high, and dearly loved children of God. THAT is the truth of self.  The sooner we (im talking about our family) start living it out, the sooner we can fully claim our inheritance as Gods children.  and really experience love and life to the fullest. There is such a GREAT Calling! Why are none of us wanting to LISTEN? cycles go round and round for a reason. They have to be broken to bleed out the poison.


  • Boys and their toys.....

    Wednesday, Dec 1, 2010 2:12AM / Standard Entry

    Its not like this is anything new... my Husband was a gamer looong before I met him. When I was playing with barbie dolls and the original polly pockets, he was playing Nintendo or any video game thingy he could get his hands on.  Some would call it an addiction. Really, its not... He just never grew out of it. How could he? as he got older, the games grew to suit his generation!
    Sure I played Duck hunt and Mario brothers as well as other super Nintendo games... but I played them in the winter time, after romping around outside for hours and hours. It didnt appeal to me like it did him. I also  had to fight my brother and all his friends to get a turn (or go cry to momma;), if I had my friends over, and Josh had his friends over, it was strange how fast my friends would get all geeky and droll over the older boys.. all of whom in my opinion were stinky and rude. ;) Its gross that everyone thought my brother was "hot".  ick-IE!

    For Dale, video games were built for him.  Boys are testosterone driven, a lot of games are geared towards that.  He has been  a big comic book reader, gamer and cartoon buff all his life. Given his childhood, it was a way to escape the craziness of his rather brutal upbringing. I think there is something to be said about the feeling of holding a controller.  Geewiz, I donno, could it be control? ;) Games were something he could excel at, just for him. Something he could do with his friends and compete with. Competition is a corner stone of many aspects of development.  Learning how to be a good sport when you lose is one:) He once spent an entire summer grounded from tv because he got into a fight after school. Never mind the fact it was 6 against 1, him being the one.  I guess it was because he gave it as good, if not better than he got it.  He grew up in a city that it was normal to get jumped after school. (He didnt move out here to the sticks until 6th grade. He was a tough city boy, used to a fight when I met him. ) Dale has never been a video gaming couch potato. He has always been more interested in "becoming the STONGEST THERE IIIIISSSSS"  ~Testosterone, i am at peace with knowing ill never really understand it ;) 

    So whats the problem you ask? Weeeeelllllll, Ill tell you.  on more than one occation, lets be honest, on more than 50! occations in reacent momory, the xbox has SUCKED OUT MY HUSBANDS COMMON SENSE AND BRAIN!!!!!!! Its getting to be REALLY ANNOYING! and depressing :( Over the years, I have ignored that 1000 yard stare he gets when he plays. He can still carry on a conversation with me. For most of our marriage, thats been enough to keep me sane~ this last october we have been together 10 years!!!! WooOOOP WhooOOOP!! ;)

    Ive been stewing on this for over a year, and yes, Ive nagged when it became unbearable. Im not perfect;).. I  looked up you tube videos of wives and girlfriends smashing their honeys xboxs...
    While it was funny to watch,  I wouldn't do that, and ill tell you why (some of you guys out there will think im nuts, and others will wish your girl friends or wives were more like me)
    I wouldn't smash his xbox because

    first of all, he is the head of this household. I know that sounds 15th century to most of you, but I respect my husband, his wishes, and his property (even though by marriage, its half mine, i would call dibbs on the hard drive;)
    Second, If i smashed it, I would be acting short sighted and as childish as I am accusing him of being...

    Third, If I did, Id feel so bad id have to buy him a new one, and Im to cheap to spend the doe;)

    I thought about hiding it... I knew he would be really mad and probably want to hide my sewing machine... but after he calmed down and spent the day sulking in the gym, I know he would come around and embrace the conditions I would set for finding out where I hid it.
     All I would ask for is 2 weeks... Two weeks to detox from the xbox.... He is BIG into healthy living! He actually likes to fast every now and agian! I KNOW he would see the benefits from a little xbox fasting (after he was done spewing with rage;)... I woulnt ask him to do this alone! i would be more than willing to give up something He finds a distraction on my time! Something he thinks is annoying that I do... Though I am pretty perfect, So i dont think he would really want to change anything;) hahaha well, maybe He would like to watch a movie with out having me poke him with my ice cold feet until he rubbs them;) haha Or maybe he would want me to give up tv too... i know he doesnt like to watch Pawn Stars, or American Pickers like I do...    I would TOTALLY give up a habit, or recreation that i like and learn to give more of me to my family. 

    (even though i already wake up early, cook three hearty country meals a day, bake goodie for the cookie jar and cake tray on a weekly basis, Home school, Keep the house as clean as i can with three little kids running around screaming like wild children, scrubbing the floors on my hands and knees, doing the dishes by hand because I am to old fashioned for a dish washer,  Do all the laundry, take care of the animals, run any errands at a moments notice for him, keep the grocery's in check so we dont run out of anything and starve, Change light balbs, Fix anything I can on my own so I dont have to add it to his todo lists, Take on odd and end sewing jobs for folks, clean other peoples houses. Baby sit little ones so it easier for their mommas to work out (I dont get paid for that, its more for the gym, and i looooove babies).... EVERYthing I do is for everyone elses comfort and security... but hey, if he can think of anything i can improve upon.. ) .... after some checking of my heart, I want to be honest and say that while I strive to all of the above and more, i havent been as fantastic as I want;) Im going thru a bit of a rut,  I have sorta felt like,  "well, everyone else gets always with doing less..." but thats not me. Ill be the only one standing before Jesus answering for my life decisions.

    I guess thats what I want him to do. He is a wonderful provider, and I understand and embrace the fact that his Achievements in Halo bring him some kind of joy! I GET IT! I do!  But my heart has been telling me that we are missing out on SO MUCH MORE!  He teaches his morning classes, then while i am doing school with the kids, he will "hop" on for a "sec" and get his acheivments done. well,  he has been getting sucked in for about 7 hours, to him a blink of an eye....... then he has his after noon and night classes and thy run till late. He will usually watch a movie or spend time with me after the last people go home.  I adore our time together;) He is my best friend and my better half.  Because he respects me )and im so darn cute;) he is careful to keep our few hours of peace and quiet a routine. 
    The thing that is annoying me is He isnt pulling his own weight when it comes to family time and  projects around the house and land. My green house collapsed in the last big wind storm, well, It wouldn't have if he would have gotten it done like I said to instead of playing halo till it was to late to really start working,  trying to rush before a class, then stopping in the middle of the project to teach. The gym come first, i FULLY support that! If  he doesn't teach our students well, and they go on to a fight they are not prepared for, they get hurt. Thats a big responsibility we have, to help these guys (and gals, luv ya btw;) go after their dreams and not get to terribly hurt in the process!  I feel like his prioritys have been wonkie at best. i want him to just say "NO" to halo. 
    ARGH! This coming from the susie home maker who not only supported her hubbys game nights with the guys, but MADE COOKIES AND TREATS for him to take with!  When they set up a game day (usually right after something cool is released) They ask what i am cooking, they know I dont let him go any where empty handed;)  Im so blessed to have a fast metabolism, i dont know what I would do if I had to be held accountable for all the goodies I eat...
    NO WONDER he is confused!!!! i SPOILED him by catering to his video gamer love...
    I guess I cant blame him for not taking my hurt feeling seriously. We did name our son Cloud...yep ff7~
    It bothers me how distracted he gets when playing. He cant afford to be distracted from these years in our children lives.  He is the head of the household~
                                                                  Ephesians 6:4 says
    "Fathers, do not exasperate your children. instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the LORD."

    The kids cant get everything they need from me. Im only one half of the whole. I may be the sillier half, but he is the stronger. I need him to be strong for me too. Over these last few months, I have hit a wall in so many ways. Spiritually, emotionally, physically.  I try to be happy, but all my frustrations boil over one way or another. i really need him to fully guide this family. The decisions he makes is an example to the kids. He doesnt see it, but the girls are looking to him to see how a husband and father should treat a wife and kids. Putting us on the back burner really hurts, and not just us, I see everything in long term generational views.  I dont want cycles to be repeated from either of our familys. I know he doesnt either.

    This is where I rant a little... IN life there is no starting or finishing, just living. Meaning you can say you will start that new workout on Monday, but you may die on Sunday (when i was 6, my little friend died in a farming accident, I was a little weird after seeing her in the casket, death has always been in perspective for me sense then i guess...). Plans are very well and good, but missing out on moment to moment LIFE is throwing away the gift that is the preseant.  WORK now~play later! Play now~PAY LATER!  WE are NOT guaranteed tomorrow! even for something as noble as being a good father.  This world is not a play ground its a battle field! COME ON!!! WAKE up and make a change! This family is ur legacy! they inherit our habits and HOPE! LETS GIVE THEM JOY!!! TRUTH!!! PERSPECTIVE!!!!!!! ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!

    He isnt the only one in need of a heart check. I shouldn't let myself get jealous and angry, then stew on it for a while. making my own poison;p  I have been reading in Ephesians and I gatta say, I really needed the wake up call;)

                                                                     one thing is for sure~
                                                      we need a REVIVAL in the house!!!!!


  • 362/8<12345678>


  • humm, a few things about me. I love the Lord and want to live my life for him. I live in a small town...


  • Total visits: 16,934

RSS feed

    Share 分享到:

alivenotdead spotlight

Shout box

Please first sign in or sign up for FREE to post to the Shout Box.

Archived shouts

Join the alivenotdead.com community uniting musicians, filmmakers, and other artists with their fans