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• That's Abuse? Argument with your bf/gf

  Saturday, Oct 18, 2008 3:41AM / Standard Entry / Members only

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  Jaimie E View Profile That's Abuse? A seemingly harmless argument with your bf/gf might actually be abuse   She was everything I thought I needed, but turned out to be the thing I needed least. She was funny, smart, charming, accomplished—I thought I could learn so much from her. And though I did, it wasn’t what I had imagined. During the first couple months of our relationship, I could not have been happier. Every minute I had available, I wanted to spend with her. But soon, I spent every minute I had with her because she wanted me to. The feeling of being that desired in someone’s life made me feel like I mattered, that I had value. I thought it was so sweet how she didn’t want me spending time with my friends, only with her. What could be more loving than someone wanting to be with you that much? In my mind… nothing. And she always had advice or suggestions about what I was wearing, what I was watching, how I handled and carried myself, even my grammar. I thought she was just trying to help me become a better version of myself because she wanted the best for me, until one of my friends (via text message, since I rarely saw her anymore) pointed out the truth—what my girlfriend wanted was what was best for her. Being able to control someone like me, whose strongest suit isn’t exactly speaking up for herself, was about power and manipulation, not my best interest. But, of course, I couldn’t see that because sadly, love is blind. Hurt by how I didn’t believe her, my friend, along with most other people in my life, began to distance themselves from me. My girlfriend and I began arguing more and more and her “suggestions” were sounding more like criticism, but I stayed in that relationship (longer than I should have) because I feared having no one as opposed to having someone who made me feel like nothing. It’s a cycle all too many young people know all too well. And as the initial dating age decreases, the numbers of victims of harmful “romantic” relationships seems to increase. The most recent study, Tween and Teen Dating Violence and Abuse, from Teenage Research Unlimited, which was commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. and loveisrespect.org, found that a strong majority (62 percent) of 11 to 14 year olds surveyed said they knew friends who’d been verbally abused (called stupid, worthless, ugly, etc.) by a boyfriend/girlfriend and more than a third (36 percent) knew friends and peers who’d been pressured by a boyfriend/girlfriend to do things they didn’t want to do. But sadly, just half of the total group surveyed had any idea it was abuse—only 51 percent said they are aware of the warning signs of hurtful dating relationship. And that’s one of the largest issues when it comes to abusive relationships—most of those who are in them, myself included, don’t even know it. “So few of our tweens, and teens for that matter, understand what a healthy relationship looks like,” Dr. Elizabeth Miller, an assistant professor of pediatrics at University of California Davis School of Medicine, told The Associated Press, adding that many young people “assume the emotional control, the jealousy, possessiveness, all of that is just part of relationships, and we need to change that conversation.” The problem is that many of us have no idea that a boyfriend who won’t let us hang out with other male friends platonically or a girlfriend who is constantly texting/keeping tabs on her significant other is actually not just doing because s/he loves you so much. And yes, girlfriends can be abusive, too. Though dating abuse is underreported amongst women, guys are even less likely to come forward, sometimes out of fear that “playing the victim” will tarnish their masculine reputations. So the numbers of men being abused in relationships may be a lot higher than reported. In the study, Relationship Violence Among Female and Male College Undergraduate Students, for example, though women reported more victimization than men, researchers still deemed male victimization considerable at 27.2 percent of those surveyed. Being a victim doesn’t make you weak… and you don’t have to wind up in an ambulance to be hurt. “There is a common misconception that if you don’t have a broken arm or black eye it’s not abuse,” Dr. Jill Murray, author of But He Never Hit Me and Destructive Relationships, told the University Southern California’s Daily Trojan. “Physical abuse is only the smallest part,” Dr. Murray adds, alluding to the laundry list of ways a partner can be abusive. Physical: · Slapping, hitting, punching, grabbing, pushing, shaking, or restraining significant other physically · Throwing objects at partner · Blocking doors and using other similar intimidation tactics · Use of or threatened use of weapons · Stalking Emotional/Mental/Verbal: · Using put-downs, insults, name-calling, humiliation · Threatening self-harm or suicide · Threatening to harm family, friends, new partner, pets, etc. · Blackmail (i.e. “If you leave me, I’ll tell your parents we’ve been having sex”) · Blaming the victim for the abuse or for all problems in the relationship · Denying abusive behavīor · Playing mind games · Possessiveness and/or extreme jealousy · Constant accusations of cheating Social: · Spreading rumors via text, word of mouth, online, etc. to control a partner’s actions · Monitoring a partner’s cell phone constantly or using friends to keep tabs on them · Isolating a partner from his/her friends and family Financial: · Control of partner’s money or possessions · Gift giving with strings attached (i.e. “I gave you this, now you owe me”) · Using “I’m sorry” gifts to make up for abusive behavīor · Sabotaging a partner’s work or school career (i.e. harassing a partner at work or school, causing them to lose their job, refusing to give a partner a ride to work or school, etc.) Sexual: · Ignoring a partner’s sexual choice through pressure, manipulation, coercion (i.e. “You’d do it if you loved me”) · Sexual assault (any forced sexual contact) · Sexual harassment (any unwanted sexual attention) And there’s a reason why that second list is so long. In another study entitled, Relationship Violence Among Female and Male College Undergraduate Students, researcher Christine M. Forke of the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and colleagues found that 21 percent of college students surveyed experienced emotional abuse, deeming it the most common type of relationship violence. Though the percent of those experiencing emotional abuse seems to have decreased between tweens and co-eds, one out of every five people being demeaned and manipulated daily is still one in five too many. Laura, one of the founding members of Teens Experiencing Abusive Relationships (T.E.A.R.) reminiscently told ABC she had a similar experience to mine with her boyfriend. “He told me what to do, what to wear, how to act, what to say, what am I doing next, what am I cooking, what am I eating. Everything.” Mentally, Laura had lost sight of who she was, when a relationship ideally should bring out the best in you. But, we all know nothing is ideal. People fight in relationships. It’d be unrealistic and untrue to try to say otherwise. But sometimes, what could start off as a mere disagreement about what movie to see, could result in an incredibly harmful exchange of words. We all say things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment, but a constant barrage of negativity about things that likely aren’t even relevant to the topic at hand is simply unacceptable. Abusive relationships, no matter what kind, make the victim feel like he or she doesn’t matter. A significant other is supposed to appreciate you for exactly who you are, not change you into who s/he wants you to be. But, especially early on in your dating career, the idea of having a boyfriend or girlfriend seems so important that it doesn’t matter what the caliber of that person is. It’s easy to only think about that time he baked you a cake or that expensive Valentine’s Day gift she got you—but what do you have when you strip those things away. “When you base you perception of the relationship on those moments when life is easy and carefree, you aren’t able to see the bigger picture—that love is a behavīor, not a fleeting feeling,” Dr. Jill Murray explains in But He Never Hit Me. If your bigger picture is filled with far more dangerous four letter words than l-o-v-e, chances are you need to get out, despite the fact that many don’t. According to Liz Claiborne’s Love Is Not Abuse study, 33 percent of teens who have been in or known about an abusive relationship said they have told anyone about it. If you’re still unsure, you can also take this quiz at Know The Red Flags.com to see if you’re the victim missing the flags of abuse or if you’re unknowing causing them. Relationships are definitely hard, but they aren’t there to make your life harder. Words can hurt worse than fists or open balms and the wounds can be tougher to heal. And this from someone who still fears grammatical inaccuracies for more reasons than failing grades. For more information or to get support about your situation with abuse, you can contact: · National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline · National Domestic Violence Hotline · T.E.A.R. (Teens Experiencing Abusive Relationships)

  
  

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• Biggest Fear and how to overcome them

  Saturday, Oct 18, 2008 3:36AM / Standard Entry / Members only

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  Jaimie E View Profile My Biggest Fear The crippling effects of phobias and how to overcome them   I had waited my whole life to go to Paris—in my mind, it was the most beautiful, most romantic, most elegant place in the entire world, despite the fact that I’d never been. From the shopping to the accents to the brie, expectations were obviously high when I finally got there during my semester studying abroad in Europe, but not quite as high as the Eiffel Tower. One of the most recognizable pieces of architecture globally, not to mention one of the tallest. After the chic stores, adorable accents, and creamy cheeses all lived up to the hopes I had for them, this singular building brought out my biggest fear. My palms began to sweat and my eyes welled-up with tears as my stomach dropped below Le Métro level. To see the city of lights from just over 900 feet in the air, the location of the structure’s observation deck, was a once in a lifetime opportunity, one that no one in her/his right mind would pass up—but I wasn’t in my “right” mind. Having developed a fear of heights since witnessing the tragedy of two suicide jumpers fall to their untimely deaths in my university’s library two years prior, I couldn’t bring myself to go up there. If I did, someone else would also jump, or so I thought, since I was obviously bad luck. We’re all scared of certain things—fear is one of the most basic human emotions. It helps protect us, instinctively making us alert for dangerous situations and mentally preparing us to deal with them. But, “with a phobia, the fear is out of proportion to the potential danger,” according to Dr. Lyness. And that disproportionate fear brings on the tightening stomach muscles, heavy breathing, dry mouth, sweaty palms, racing thoughts, a flushed face, dizziness, sweating, or freezing up. However irrational it might seem to someone else, for the person with the phobia, the danger feels very real and reasonably balanced with the danger. For me, despite the fact that the likelihood of someone jumping off the Eiffel Tower had nothing to do with my presence, the chances, due to my aforementioned traumatizing experiences, seemed as high as the tower itself. Phobias are often triggered by a specifically upsetting event involving whatever it is that you develop the phobia of. “A tiny brain structure called the amygdala keeps track of experiences that trigger strong emotions,” says Dr. D’Arcy Lyness, behavīoral Health Editor for KidsHealth.org. “Once a certain thing or situation triggers a strong fear reaction, the amygdala warns the person by triggering a fear reaction every time he or she encounters (or even thinks about) that thing or situation.” But even more often, the onset of the phobia is more random. “While some phobias develop in childhood, most seem to arise unexpectedly, usually during adolescence or early adulthood,” according to the Anxiety Disorders Association of America (ADAA). “Their onset is usually sudden, and they may occur in situations that previously did not cause any discomfort or anxiety.” Those with phobias often dread, are upset by, and avoid the things or situations they fear. One of the most common types is agoraphobia, which is the fear of public places. Agoraphobia can come into play in a multitude of ways, i.e. fear of being embarrassed in public, fear of being trapped in public, fear of being away from home, and so on. Famous actress Kim Basinger and physicist Sir Isaac Newton are two of the estimated 1.5 to 12.5 percent of the U.S. population that suffers from agoraphobia at some stage of their lives, according to the Epidemiologic Catchment Area (ECA) Study, run by the National Institute of Mental Health, cited by Helen Saul in her book, Phobias: Fighting the Fear. And it’s just one of the three categories of phobias, the others being social phobia, which is fear of and anxiety about exposure to certain social or performance situations (i.e. public speaking, using pubic restrooms, dining out, etc.) and specific phobia, which is then broken down into the subtypes of animals, natural environment, blood/injection/injury, situational, and other. According to Dr. John H. Greist with Merck, about 13 percent of people have social phobia sometime in their life and during any 12-month period, about 13 percent of women and 4 percent of men have a specific phobia. “Specific phobias give flashes of extreme anxiety in set circumstances,” says Saul. “They tend not to dominate lives, as phobics may only need to avoid well-defined situations, such as elevators carrying more than six people beyond the tenth floor.” While that might sound bizarrely specific, there are over 600 recognized phobias, listed here that people have been known to suffer from. Some of the more common include nyctophobia (fear of the dark), which Keanu Reeves can relate to, trypanophobia (fear of needles), brontopohbics like Madonna have a fear of storms, homophobia (fear of gays or being gay), another condition that far too many have unfortunately fallen prey to, claustrophobia (fear of enclosed places), celebrities from Jennifer Aniston to Cher to Michael Jackson to Whoopi Goldberg are all victims of aviophobia (fear of flying), hemophobia (fear of blood), acropohbics (fear of heights) can probably relate to my situation, snakes (ophiophobia) and spiders (arachnophobia) both get usually calm, cool, and collected Justin Timberlake all wound up, entophobia (fear of insects), and for anyone would saw It at a sleepover party growing up, s/he probably suffers from at least acute coulrophobia (fear of clowns), like Johnny Depp and Diddy. “Something about the painted face, the fake smile,” Depp said, according to Fox News. “There always seemed to be a darkness lurking just under the surface, a potential for real evil.” And the fears get seemingly stranger. One of my friends begins to gag and get anxious whenever someone chews gum around her or if she sees it out of its rapper—like Oprah, she’s a chiclephobia. Though some phobias might seem like a joke (see hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, which is fear of long words) to those who go through them know they’re very real. “Bizarre preoccupations and phobias have been around a long time,” Jean De Niro, professor of culture and communications at New York University, told Fox News. “The only difference is that nowadays we can discuss them openly, and medics have given every little fear a name of its own.” Despite the fact that many phobias are recognized, there are still many people who aren’t getting the help that they need to overcome them. According to the aforementioned ECA study, less than one in four people seek treatment for their fears, instead seemingly living with and being paralyzed by them. “Trying to think or reason your way out of a phobia simply won’t work if you continue to avoid confronting it directly,” urges Edmund J. Bourne in The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook. “As long as you avoid a situation, you will be prone to worry about whether you can ever handle it.” Obviously, things don’t happen by themselves, you need to do something about it. As tired as the saying is, the only way to conquer your fear is to face it, which, I (the lone tourist looking at the Eiffel Tower from the ground all afternoon) know, is far easier said than done. “Often, the hardest part of overcoming a phobia is getting started,” Dr. Lyness of KidsHeath.org understands. “Once a person decides to go for it—and gets the right coaching and support—it can be surprising how quickly fear can melt away.” And these small steps can help with the aid of a therapist or counselor. 1. You need to understand that your fear is irrational. Weigh your fears against the probability that they will occur. Though the chances of you getting electrocuted in a lightening storm or you getting attacked by a clown are possible, they do not properly correlate with the level of fear and anxiety you experience when presented with your phobia. 2. Start to tell yourself internally (to avoid sounding like an even crazier person) that that fear is irrational. Instead of saying, “If I stand on this bridge, I’ll fall off,” try to rationally challenge your fears and say, “As long as I’m careful, everything will be fine.” 3. Arm yourself with facts about your fear. When you see a statistic like, “your chances of being in a plane crash are about 3 million to one,” according to The New York Times, it’ll be easier for you think rationally and not phobia-driven illogically. 4. Now, you’re almost ready to face the phobic situation itself—but not exactly head on. Gradually, through a series of phases and with the support of a trusted friend, loved one, or professional, you can overcome the fear. “For example, fear of flying would be faced first in imagination only, then by watching planes land and take off, then by boarding a grounded plane, then by taking a short flight, and finally, a longer flight,” explains Edmund J. Bourne in The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook. And for people suffering from a fear of speaking in public, reading to the elderly in a nursing home might be a good first step to take—having an audience of one can be less daunting then a room full of dozens. 5. Though most specific phobias at least dissipate with the help of the aforementioned therapy, some extreme suffers of social phobia and agoraphobia must resort to medication, in which case, one should obviously consult a medical professional. Thousands of people have overcome their fears. As strange as it may sound, “some phobias are replaced by a fascination with the thing once so dreaded,” explains Helen Saul in Phobias. “People previously afraid of snake or spiders may keep them as pets. A fear of heights might be replaced by the new hobby of rock-climbing.” Though I’m not a professional rock climber and I still do get nervous when I’m incredibly high up, it’s no longer preventing me from doing the things I want to do and eventually, I hope to take that ride up the Eiffel Tower. For more information, the Anxiety Disorders Association of America offers this online self-test where you can find out if you suffer from a phobia and you can contact the "Change That Right Now" Phobia Clinic at 1-800-828-7484 for help about overcoming your phobia.

  
  

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• Mood Swings Or More? How To Take Control

  Saturday, Oct 18, 2008 3:21AM / Standard Entry / Members only

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  Kate Heath View Profile Mood Swings Or More? How to tell the difference between mood swings and bipolar disorder   What a bitch! It’s the most common summation when a girl’s acting moody. Either that or she’s on her dot. Yet, no one seems to consider that it might just be a natural mood swing in her otherwise glorious day. Same thing goes for guys. If he’s quiet or doesn’t feel like explaining why he’s distant, automatically he’s a ass. No one can be expected to always be happy all the time, and when you do come across people that are constantly “on,” they just seem. Mood swings are natural, especially in teens. So, why can’t people just give it a break? Teens are so irritable. I hear it all the time. “Oh, those raging hormones, you know they can’t control them….” someone will say as if every teen that’s ever existed is so difficult to deal with that it’s not even worth being around one. I heard it when I was growing up, and I hear people say it now about this generation. Do adults just forget what it’s like to be a teen? I mean, hello… it’s not exactly the easiest time in your life. However, the worst trend that I’ve seen is teens stereotyping themselves. “Uhh…I’m so moody today. Gawd, I must be like Bipolar or something!” While I’m not Bipolar, I know enough to know that it’s not something to joke about. It’s a serious condition and one that can make life more difficult for someone who has it—especially when no one around them is educated enough to know what it is. I think it’s important to address the differences between being moody and being Bipoloar because we need to not only keep ourselves in check—and help our friends when they’re down— but also respect what people who are Bipolar are going through so that we can better understand their situation. “Going from sadness to anger to joy in a matter of minutes can make many teens feel as though they're losing their grip,” says Jennifer Shroff Pendley, PhD. When puberty begins, the body is working overtime to process new hormones, while continuing to develop. “In some people, they also seem to cause emotional changes,” says Dr. Pendley, “the ups and downs that sometimes feel out of control.” This is just a natural part of being a teenager. On the other side of things, Bipolar disorders are a classified medical condition, one of several called depressive disorders, which affect the way our brain functions. “Depressive disorders are widespread,” says David V. Sheslow, PhD., “In the United States alone, it's estimated that more than 17.4 million adults have a depressive disorder each year--that works out to about 1 out of every 7 people.” It’s no wonder that people think it’s so common that almost anyone could have it. “I had mood swings that were the worst anyone could have ever seen;” says a 16-year-old reader who chose to stay anonymous of KidsHealth.org, “my poor parents thought I hated them, but really I was sick and didn't even realize it.” This is exactly the kind of experience that teens who have Bipolar disorder experience often. “Bipolar Disorder…is caused by imbalances in certain brain chemicals called neurotransmitters,” says Dr. Sheslow. Someone who has it will experience highs (mania) and extreme lows (depression) in episodes throughout their life. “These aren’t the normal periods of happiness and sadness that everyone experiences from time to time,” says Dr. Sheslow. “Instead, the episodes are intense or severe mood swings, like a pendulum that keeps arching higher and higher.” Signs & Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder To better explain the difference between moodiness and the disorder, Dr. Sheslow has put together a list of traits that someone with the condition may or may not experience. This list doesn’t diagnose the disorder if you relate to the following characteristics, but can help inform you when you seek help from a professional doctor. Symptoms of mania include: • racing speech and thoughts • increased energy • decreased need for sleep • elevated mood and exaggerated optimism • increased physical and mental activity • excessive irritability, aggressive behavīor, and impatience • poor judgment • reckless behavīor, like excessive spending, making rash decisions, and erratic driving • difficulty concentrating • inflated sense of self-importance Symptoms of depression include: • loss of interest in usual activities • prolonged sad or irritable mood • loss of energy or fatigue • feelings of guilt or worthlessness • sleeping too much or inability to sleep • drop in grades and inability to concentrate • inability to experience pleasure • appetite loss or overeating • anger, worry, and anxiety • thoughts of death or suicide Thankfully, most teens and adults who are diagnosed as being Bipolar can be treated with medication and counseling. Now when it comes down to just being a little moody from day to day, let that slide. If anything, it just shows that you’re not a robot (as cool as that might be too). There are ways to help curb your emotions if you do feel like you’ve been riding a rollercoaster lately. How To Take Control Of Mood Swings The following is a list of suggestions compiled by Jennifer Shroff Pendley, PhD, that she believes will made bad moods easier to handle. Recognize You're Not Alone Although everyone’s different, most teens experience mood changes in some form or another. Catch Your Breath Or count to 10. Do anything that helps you settle down for a few minutes so that you can regain control over the situation. Talk to people you trust. Friends can help each other by realizing that they're not alone in their feelings. Talking to parents is important, too. Parents can share their own experiences dealing with bad moods. Plus, they'll appreciate it if you try to explain how you feel instead of just slamming a door. Exercise Regular exercise produces more beta-endorphin, a hormone that controls stress and improves mood. Whether you want to go running, join a team at school, or just walk your dog…any little thing helps. Get enough sleep Though it can be hard to find enough time, getting adequate rest is very important. Being tired can lead to more sadness and irritability. Create Put your feelings into your artwork. Start drawing, building, or writing…Writing can help you organize and express your thoughts and feelings and will make things more manageable. CryThere's nothing wrong with crying; in fact, it often makes a person feel better. However, if you find that you are sad, irritable, bored, or hopeless much of the time, or if you just can't seem to shake the blues, you might be depressed and need help from a counselor or doctor. WaitJust as you can get into a bad mood for what seems like no reason at times, that mood can also pass. If your negative mood sticks around too long, though — or if it's interfering with the way you deal with friends, parents, school, or activities — then you may want to talk to a school counselor, parent, or therapist about what you can do to feel better. Highs, lows, in- betweens and outrageous scenes… Whatever it is that’s biting at you when you’re feeling moody, know that you can take control of it. Ups and downs are only natural, but when you do find that they’re interfering with your life, there are ways that you can take your life back. After all, it is your life.

  
  

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• Depression and How to Overcome It

  Saturday, Oct 18, 2008 3:17AM / Standard Entry / Members only

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  Daniel Bondoc View Profile Depression and How to Overcome It Suicide is never a way     As many people know, depression isn't a feeling; it's more like a disease. For some, it eats away the very inside of their soul. I myself have been there. Just when you thought that things couldn't get worse, they always do. Put yourself in my situation-- within a four-year period, I was sent to Iraq, where I was thousands of miles away from my family, friends, and my wife. Things were rough-- you can only shower every other day due to the water rations being low; it's hot and there's no air conditioning for us; you stand watch for hours on end and at times have to do a 24-hour watch; the sand makes you feel filthy at all times; the gun fire; the suicide bombers; and all those camel spiders always hiding in your sleeping bag. It was the day of Christmas. The day was filled with celebrations and games provided by MWR. It was around 20:00 hours (8:00 pm) when I was confronted by the C.O. (Commanding Officer) himself. I was at attention and then was told to stand at ease. He said, " I think you should have a seat son. I have some bad news to tell you." So I pulled out a chair and sat down like he told me to. God only knows, I was not ready for the news I was about to get. On December 26, 2005, both my paternal grandmother and grandfather had been shot to death in their own home.   I was completely in shock. I had no emotion. How was I supposed to react to something like this? All I felt was anger. Hatred. I was released and was given only three days to return home, go to the funeral and go back to Iraq. As soon as I had gotten back to Iraq, I knew there was something wrong with me. My head was not there and all I felt was anger and hatred towards everyone. I fell into a deep depression. (My grandfather was the reason I went into the military since he was a veteran, too.) So, the government being government, I didn't get the help I needed. I knew I needed a psychiatrist, but instead they thought that anger management would help ease my pain/anger/depression. But it wasn't but maybe a month later when my rage was reaching its peak.   As my depression sinked in deeper and my rage grew greater, one certain individual, Brison (6'9" and about 310 pounds of solid meat) thought that it would be cool to take advantage of me and started picking on me. Then, I SNAPPED. Now, I never thought that I would ever see myself doing I did. I never thought that in my life, I would ever attack someone the way I did. I have always been a very mellow and generous person. But I balled up a fist and struck him in his left eye socket. Instantly, his eye was blood shot and the skin around it turned blue, black, purple and red. When he fell to the ground from that one hit, I jumped on him and continued to beat him. Two guys tried to pull me off, but I threw them off. Then, one of my divisional leaders jumped on me and had to choke me until I blacked out to get me off of him. He was hospitalized for three days. I was only given restriction for 20 days for my reaction.   Shortly after the end of my restriction and as time went on, things seemed to be getting a little better. Then, on June 5, 2005, my team and I were sent into a red zone to recover the bodies of two dead marine officers. We got one out safely and on our way out from getting the second body, we were spotted and went under fire. One of our guys threw a grenade, which ended up detonating early and hit me and two others. A piece of shrapnel went into me left eye and a piece also hit me under my arm. One of my own guys shot me in the back, 1/2 inch from my spine and I also took another bullet in the knee from the enemy. Talk about a bad day at the office. We were recovered and returned to the base. I was mediflighted to Bahrain and then took another plane to Washington D.C. After many surgeries and skin graphs from the burns, I went through recovery.   You know, it's really depressing when you did what you have to for your country and when you get injured and no one comes to visit you during recovery. It makes you really think twice about suicide. I sat in my room, day in and day out and the only person I ever talked to was my nurse. Not even my own my wife came to see me. She said she wanted to remember me for the way I was. I received divorce papers two months into my recovery. She took everything I own and even robbed me of my bank account and put me $3,100 in the hole. I even tried getting on anti-depressants and that made me become suicidal.   After five months of recovery and going through a divorce, I was finally medically discharged from the military. As things slowly progressed, I finally moved home and got to see my family and friends again. You know that saying, "You never know what you got til it's gone or missing?" Well, it's true. I spent some time around my mom's and best friend's house, helping them out with all and anything that they needed help with and my depression seemed to disappear. Then, a year and a half after my war injuries, I was given more bad news.   It was December 14, 2006. Everyone was getting excited for the holidays, but not this day. Later that night, I got a call from my baby brother. He was crying beyond control. It took me nearly 10 minutes to calm him down. Finally, after he was calm and had caught his breath, he told me that the cops had found my uncle Don dead. He had been beaten to death and thrown in a ditch. My depression started right back up. Shortly after his death, another grandmother of mine had suffered a severe heart attack. Luckily, she survived.   From that point in time and all throughout 2008, my depression had dissipated and the way I found to keep myself from doing anything that I might regret was by picking up some new type of hobby. I've taken up anything from scuba diving, to sky diving, to trying forms of art, to video games, etc. I learned that keeping your mind off of the things that make you sad and depressed can keep you alive. You know that at times, you're going to think about it again and it's going to hurt. But just remember the good times. Trust me, I know. And one thing that I got done was a tattoo of a "suicidal slit" on my wrist. It reminds me that no matter how hard times have gotten, I have never turned to suicide as a way out. Even just recently, my best friend since 6th grade committed suicide a month ago. Yes, I miss her and I'm sure that her two daughters do to. But we all get stronger and move on.

  
  

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• To Eat or Not to Eat Meat, That Is the Question

  Saturday, Oct 18, 2008 3:14AM / Standard Entry / Members only

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  Kate Heath View Profile To Eat or Not to Eat Meat, That Is the Question Exploring what it's like to be a vegetarian   Olives—I don’t like them. Not one bit. Green, black, whatever…they’re simply not for me. Most people don’t have a problem with my disliking of olives. In fact, most people could really care less. However, I’ve found that people do tend to have an opinion when it comes to something else I don’t eat. See, I’m a vegetarian. I know that some may have already taken offense to this article’s existence altogether, for just typing the “V” word above. That’s always fascinated me because a) I don’t know why being a meat-eater is something to be defensive about (considering the fact that I don’t get defensive when someone eats olives), and b) simply, what’s it to you? It all comes down to the matter of ethics. Yeah, I know we’re entering an ugly territory here, but we should address it, if only to get it out of the way. When it comes to eating, or not-eating, meat, a lot of people tend to put the mark of “right” or “wrong” on the subject. Each side has its own reasons: Vegetarians (and the like) choose the lifestyle for their health, the environment, or the well-being of their fellow furry-friends; Meat-eaters often bring up the history behind eating meat, animal overpopulation, and that eating animals is not as harmful to humans as vegetarians claim. While I personally wish that more people would choose to not eat meat, I’m not here to preach. Do as you like, I know you will anyway. I’m not here to change you—only to provide more information on the lifestyle choice (since, it is one), and open up a community where vegheads can unite and hug trees (or whatever it is that vegetarians actually do). “Almost half my life I grew up thinking eating meat and dairy were OK and the right things to eat if I wanted to stay healthy; It wasn't until I was 16 that I heard about veganism,” posts Misty Strebeck, now 20, on VegetarianTeen.com, a community and resource base. “The first thing that came to my mind was, "If you don't eat meat or dairy, what's left to eat!?" I thought it was crazy and I wondered, "Where are you supposed to get your protein?" It was when her friend handed her a pamphlet called “Why Vegan?” that she started to read about the alternative lifestyle and found that it was something she wanted to pursue. After eating three pieces of pepperoni pizza, Misty said goodbye to eating meat and hello to a new healthier lifestyle. “I'm sure my parents just thought it was a phase I was going through, much like my ’crazy hair‘ phase and my piercing phase,” she says, “both of which I still have not ‘outgrown.’” When I was eleven, I started to have conflicting emotions about being an animal lover and a meat-eater. While my mom told me that I could be both, I felt that it would be hypocritical on my part to do so. After giving it more consideration, I decided that I would stop eating beef and pork for awhile to see if it would be right for me. Immediately, I realized it was. Over the following years, I stopped eating poultry and fish. Bringing me to today, where I totter between vegetarianism and veganism. What do you eat? It’s a question that many non-meat-eaters are asked frequently. First things first, it depends how you classify yourself. “It’s important to know that not all vegetarian diets are alike;” says Mary L. Gavin, MD of KidsHealth.org, “some of the major vegetarian categories include: Lacto-Ovo-Vegetarian: eats dairy and egg products; no meat Ovo-Vegetarian: eats eggs; no meat Lacto-Vegetarian: eats dairy products; no eggs or meat Vegan: eats only food from plant sources Raw Foodist: eats only food from plant sources; uncooked Oddly enough, a lot of people who consider themselves vegetarians aren’t. In a Time Magazine survey of 11,000 Americans, 37 percent responded yes to being a vegetarian, but 60 percent of them claimed to have eaten meat in the past 24hours. "For many people who are working to become vegetarians, chicken and fish may be transitional foods, but they are not vegetarian foods,” states the Vegetarian Times, “ the word 'vegetarian' means someone who eats no meat, fish or chicken." Meat-eaters and vegetarians often conflict over the topic of how healthy a vegetarian diet can be for a person. "Appropriately planned vegetarian diets are healthful,” states the American Dietetic Association, “are nutritionally adequate and provide health benefits in the prevention and treatment of certain diseases."However, much like a meat-eating diet, as long as the person makes sure to get all their nutrients and vitamins, there’s nothing wrong. Where a meat-eater could be low on Vitamin C, a vegetarian could equally be low on B12. No matter what you choose to eat, it’s important that you’re doing so in a healthy way. These days, vegetarianism is transforming itself from trend to tradition. According to a poll conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, nearly 25 percent of adolescents polled said that vegetarianism is “cool.” While that number might not seem high, you can take that as one in four teens believe that not eating meat is not the end of the world—a major step for the vegetarian movement. "A century ago, a high-meat diet was thought to be health-favorable," says Paul Rozin of the University of Pennsylvania to Time Magazine in an article asking ‘Should We All Be Vegetarians?’. "Kids today are the first generation to live in a culture where vegetarianism is common, where it is publicly promoted on health and ecological grounds." The ecological grounds that vegetarians stand on are solid. EarthSave.org reports that vegetarians and environmentalists alike can help the earth just by making different food choices. “The Union of Concerned Scientists says there are two things people can do to most help the environment: The first is to drive a fuel-efficient automobile (that means, not an SUV or a truck) and live near where we work;” says Steve Boyan, PhD, “The second is to not eat beef.” Although reports have been out for almost two decades now that ten people can be fed with the grain that would feed a cow that would then be turned into food for only one person, not even Boyan himself was convinced to stop eating meat. “I thought, if I give up meat, it won’t have that impact: it probably won’t have any impact on anything at all, except me,” he admits to thinking. That is, until he realized it would. “If I had known that for every pound of beef I did not eat, I would save anywhere from 2,500 to 5,000 gallons of water, I would have been moved.” He has since converted to vegetarianism, listing other environmental reasons for his decision: reduces the production of carbon dioxide and methane gas, and helps prevent destruction of the tropical rainforests and endangerment of wild species. Even with the growing popularity of the lifestyle, it’s still shocking how many people are so adamantly against someone else’s decision not to eat meat. If you’re a vegetarian, teasing and mocking kind of comes with the territory, not to mention lying. Many times I’ve had people try to sneak meat into my food thinking that it was funny, or “good” for me.. Luckily, I’ve been blessed with a family that’s understanding and supportive of my decision not to eat meat. While at first it took some getting used to, they’ve now come round to the idea that I’m not going to change anytime soon. While I have friends that are both vegetarians and meat-eaters, I must say that I enjoy hanging out with people who’ve made some of the same choices I have. When it comes down to someone’s personal eating habits, remember the olive. You either like them or you don’t. The same can be said for agreeing to disagree about vegetarianism. It’s my choice—that doesn’t mean it has to be yours. However, there’s nothing wrong with giving peas a chance…

  
  

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