I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good woman for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that

you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair

and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new

negligee.

You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after

watching the game. You don't tell me that you love me anymore, you

don't touch me or anything.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, what ever

the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving

away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

* * * * * * * * *

Dear Ex-Wife:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that

you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a

far cry away from what you've been.

I watch sports so much trying to drown out your Constant nagging. Too

bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week; the first thing

that came to mind was, 'You look just like a man!' My mother raised me

to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with

MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep when you had on that new negligee because the price tag

was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had

just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was

$49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars,

I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home

you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling

life you always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you

won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed

Rich As Hell and Free!

Your Ex-Husband

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this........ but Carl, my brother,

was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.