dialogue that won't make it:

do you love her? do you really love her? I don't think you do.
you still think about me.

(he says nothing. he doesn't have to.)

Then?

she's not you but, BEAT, but she doesn't mind having my kids.


None of this of course is from real life. but I'll you what is. I can separate every girl I've ever met into 2 categories. Ones who like kids and ones who don't. U know what, all the spoiled rich girls never want kids. Interesting Huh?

And we were eating dinner at guLou and both watched a little girl running through the restaurant screaming LAO BAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What was I thinking, me the guy who wants to spawn a football team one day. I love babies.

I wish I didn't have to learn all these things by myself. But, I do love the idea of myself as a self made man however untrue it is.

I had dinner with the most charming, scariest 21 year old girl ever yesterday. My god, she'd just come back from class and still had her fucking backpack on. but anyhow, she's the kind of girl you'd want to take to parties/networking events, or have dinner with but never ever ever have a relationship with. I don't know how to explain this kind of girl to you, except I feel like fucking Nick Caraway trying to. I mean, maybe just because I'm a kid from the hood who doesn't live there anymore and I'm mixing in with kids whose parents shipped them off to boarding school and that kind of jazz. ARE YOU CLOSE WITH YOUR MOM? I asked. No she said and then asked me if I wanted the blood. I said no and she said it's cause I was a foreigner. Have you even tried it? I said yes but it was really no. I'm not into blood. Blood is not my favorite thing to put in hot pot.

But! All the progress on the humility front is replaced by the Norman mailer in me. The norman mailer - kanye west. Haha, living in China has made me very Chinese and I feel very betrayed about it but only because I'm a naive person to begin with. Like clear eyes full hearts from small town Texas.

hello. china is one fucked up place. who knew? Shanghai people aren't real. I've said it before but i'll say it again. my friend just got back and brought back some serious insider stories. money does really strange things to people. I can't really talk about it online. but ask me; pretty fucking gross u know. And so, NEW candidate city for next serious film project! SHANGHAi! Let the 1000RMB a night male escorts and such flow. And let me repeat what I said to those guys last night. I just want my small piece of happiness, I want to love my job, please kill me if I ever become the kind of person whose life is so empty you fill it up with really strange sex, designer everything because you can (and how will others know how important you are otherwise?) and hired escorts to sit with me at KTVs all night across from my friends with their hired escorts.

you're fucking retarded if you don't know that the best things in life are free. that sounds naive but i'm naive but also fucking brilliant.

My god, one of the best episodes of FNL ever, and the ending ripped my heart out.

Side note, I believes THIS WILL ALL MAKE PERFECT SENSE SOMEDAY is playing in Chicago tonight. I don't know where, but somewhere. Haha , sorry. But I'm kind of excited, I'm hitting up the mid-west for my first screening in the windy city. Apparently, the Sun Times will be reviewing it? Hope Ebert, if he's still alive, likes it.

Also, longest meeting tonight ever. More to come.

1. since digital slrs/ hd video cameras have been and are becoming more and more accessible. people, many have gotten very technically good at photography and film. because of this sudden saturation of high quality product, the need for innovation and creativity within these works has increased. in simple terms, a pretty picture is less valuable than it was 10 years ago. so in a way this is good, because it creates a need for more lower-fi but higher "content" material. that's what i'm seeing. And today in the shower, i found the structure for the next big film project I'm shooting. you'll dig it!

2. living in china is weird. old versus new a whole generation of people becoming consumers. Chinese people hate to admit it, but they're slaves to western style and influence. Just look at the name brands Chinese people WORSHIP. What is life about? Is it a expression of personal freedom really to dress up in consumer brands? That is the anti-thesis of fashion to me. Fashion is about personal style, not living up to a "standard" pushed by the media or popular culture. Obviously I don't have to talk about the U.S. because the U.S. is already a nation of total consumer whores for those who can afford it.

3. I went to the UCCA gallery yesterday and was blown away. BLOWN AWAY which I rarely feel nowadays by Wang FU Dongs installation. Amazing.

4. Anyhow I'm watching Friday night Lights and drinking wine. Meeting later on tonight (on a Frriday night) and then bed. I'm not complaining but man, nor do I yearn to go out and get crunky, but growing up is weird.

The first snowstorm of the year taken from the 14th floor of my apartment in 双井. Shot on the Canon 7D.






Camera test, you'll hear our set designer & DP talking O.C. (off camera) at our Company Studio in 大望路北京.











So I'm heading off to Mongolia but I'll be back in a day. All for a fucking visa stamp. I love riding trains for 12 hours!

Then, a gang o' music videos to shoot as soon as I get back. Good times.



A frame from the film that we shot last last week. Starring 吴建飞 Wu Jian Fei. I produced this one for the production co. I work for.

All in all, I should be less depressed. Maybe it's the cold weather.

Lastly, look what I made with a sharpie and a old v-neck?

Things I really miss about home: watching Patriots games at not 1 or 4 or 8 AM, UCLA-USC Game (go Bruins!), tacos, the Beach, fast internet, bookstore in English, freedom on the internet. But that's about it.

Things here that make it less painful: everything can be delivered, cheap film & processing & printing, erg cheap everything, malakaoyu, my apartment, the view from my apartment, 3 hour flight to japan, the subway + taxi which means never having to drive, snow!, you can party until 6AM on Wednesday no problem (only in theory).

And then, more special moments like walking by a river to realize it's fucking frozen. What happens to the fish I wonder?

Or walking by a group of line dancing people by the subway (it's only fucking 0 degrees out, why not?) or a group of old people + erhu singing in the corner under a pavillion. Pretty sweet.

But I can already see it, I'll be here for a few years, and then I will move somewhere else (Vietnam? Japan?). I'll never really fit in, and it'll never really feel like home, not unless I knock someone up and get married and stay which probably won't happen but who knows; stranger things have happened.

And by the way, just after attaining the 7D, I just found out about the 1D Mark 4 which shoots in the dark. What the fuck man. What the fuck. I need $5000.00 please.